Sabbath

Why do I take a sabbatical?

Note: I started a Substack in German to keep track of my travels during this year and it’s been really fun to explore writing in another language. However, I realized that many of my friends and readers don’t speak German and I don’t want to leave them in the dark. So from time to time, you will find the English versions of my Substack texts here in addition to my usual writing. Enjoy!

“And which classes will you teach next year?”, a mother asked me at prom in July. “None”, I reply, “I’ll be on sabbatical and not have any classes at school.”

“Oh really? You don’t look like you’re close to a burnout.”

A break is for people close to breaking down.
You have to earn a break by working hard and you better look exhausted.
Breaks are luxury invented by the ‘work-life-balance’ generation and harm the nation’s productivity (if we believe our chancellor’s opinion).

So why in the world do I dare to take a sabbatical after ten years of teaching?

First of all: Yes, a sabbatical is a privilege and I am very aware of that. Not every profession allows you to save up money and then take some paid time off. Not every employer guarantees you a return to your previous position. Even in seemingly safe fields like civil service laws are changed and freedoms are limited – which is a real problem given the exhaustion and challenges teachers face every day (but that’s a longer discussion).

Sabbatical means to press pause on your current doing and being. It originates from Judaism, which practiced a sabbatical every seven years. It meant the forgiveness of debts, balances of earnings and a break for agricultural spaces. I like this thought and wonder if we should apply it to our lives more often.

Sabbatical for me means to pause my current routines and regain some strength. Yes, I love my job and the people, but it does drain a lot of social energy and at some point, the tank is empty. If I don’t want to wait for a full inner breakdown, I have to take good care of myself now and fill that tank.

Sabbatical means to reflect on the last ten years (crazy how fast time flies!) and to sort through the different factors in my life. Have I set the right priorities or might I have to change something? Which things and relationships do I really need in order to live well, do I plan ample time and space for them?

“Let your life be driven more strongly by curiosity than fear.”
– Liz Gilbert¹

Sabbatical means to seek inspiration and use the opportunity to put it into practice. In my daily life I often miss time for my personal interests and relationships outside of work – but they matter to me as an individual. At the end of summer break I often realize that I am rested enough physically and mentally to discover creative projects, but then I have to go to school and ideas disappear under piles of work and stress. What will happen if I now have the time to actually pursue these creative endeavors?

Sabbatical means to be excited again. My job as a teacher is focused on motivating people to learn new things, but we often forget that we have to remain students as well. I want to try things I haven’t done before and experience that moment again when the lightbulb goes on. I want to remember that “high” and then carry it back into my projects and ideas.

“My goal is to build a life I don’t need a vacation from.”²

Sabbatical means to develop long-term strategies to balance out my work in the future. To maintain a focus on the essentials and the right priority of everything I have to do. I want to walk through life healthily and not waste energy on things that don’t endure anyway. I want to be comfortable and thriving with the routines I build. I want to lead a life I don’t need a vacation from, to live from weekend to weekend, holiday to holiday or plan the next sabbatical right away.

What does that mean for this year?
I will travel and meet old and new friends.
I will spend days without an agenda and say yes to spontaneous activities.
I will battle with loneliness and solitude.
I will become an intercultural coach and dive into intellectual depths.
I will read and write a lot (hopefully).

Am I excited for the year? YES! And I am super excited to see what will surprise me.
Am I nervous about things to come? ABSOLUTELY. After ten years of strict structure and routine I am a little afraid of all this freedom. But I want to face that challenge and rather follow my curiosity than give into fear.

Thanks for being on this journey with me!

From her amazing book Big Magic. ↩︎
This quote is attributed to Rob Hill Sr., but in times of social media pull quotes who really knows? ↩︎

Am I ready for the shift?

We’re on our first week of summer break. When you’ve been on a roll for so many weeks, finishing up your school work and holding space for your students’ emotions, it usually takes a while to shift into holiday mode.

Cleaning out digital and physical class folders and teaching material.
Clearing out my desk and bag, only to find some long lost document (and sometimes a disgusting leftover sandwich).
Working through my to do list of things I didn’t get around to during the school year.
Sending last emails to colleagues, parents and students before setting an “out of office” message.
Sleeping without an alarm clock, eat whenever you want and don’t watch the time at night.

It takes a while for your body to adjust to a new schedule. Until the gentle reminder to yourself that you can go back to sleep after waking up at 6am sharp actually picks up.

It takes even longer for the brain to crank down several gears and function on a slower pace. To enjoy solitude and the blissful gift of a full day without an agenda.

To fully enjoy summer break l, I need to allow myself time to shift and not rush right into the next adventure.

This is especially true this year since my summer break is much longer than the usual six weeks. They’re just the beginning to a sabbatical – a whole year of freedom to explore, travel, challenge and grow.

Am I ready for that? I don’t think so (yet). Give me some time to shift.

One thing I definitely want to do this year: Finding my way back into a steady writing rhythm. Starting with Five Minute Friday today. Join us?

Little moments of rest

How do you know when you need a break? How does your body tell you that it’s enough and you need to take a step back? I believe that our body is a vital part of us and we should listen more closely to her.

For me, it’s headaches.

This morning, I woke up with a sharp pain piercing through my head, forcing me to lie down again instead of starting my day.
It’s Friday, the end of a long and demanding week. I had a lot to think of, many unforeseen tasks that meant long hours at work and very little time to take a break. Now my body screams to slow down and I’m a bit angry at myself for having waited so long.

We need periods of respite in our lives. And this starts with little moments of rest when we allow our mind and body to slow down and step away from the world for a moment.
Like eating lunch away from the desk and savoring every bite.
Like going to bed at a decent time and not binge another episode.
Like holding your face into the sun and let it warm you.
Like shedding a tear when the pressure is just too much.
Like doing one thing at a time instead of staring at multiple screens.
Like exchanging the phone for a book in the evening.
Like taking a deep breath when the chaos runs high.

It doesn’t have to be much, but over time these small things build a habit of listening and granting ourselves permission to rest in the midst of full schedules, minds and lives. They will still be there, but we’ll approach them differently.

What are your little moments of respite this week?

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

A Practice for Uncertainty

It’s day Godknowswhat of this lockdown – how are you doing?

We have reached a state where nothing is sure anymore.

We don’t know when we’ll go back to school or what school will look like in the future.
We don’t know if we’ll see some students this year at all.
We don’t know if there will be grades or any graduation.

I don’t know what my summer break will look like.
I don’t know when I’ll be able to see real human beings in real life again.
I don’t know when we’ll be able to just sit on the lawn together, with a beer in hand, watching the sunset.
I don’t know if my family will be spared from the virus.
I don’t know how our hearts and minds will overcome this collective trauma.
I don’t know if any of the good practices we discover now – self-care, long walks, enough sleep, solidarity – will uphold once the speed of life is back on.

Uncertainty really sinks in now and I feel a shift in so many. So far we were able to push back the circumstances as temporary, now we have to get used to the reality that this could really take a while and we need to adjust everything – our schedules, plans, lives – to it.

This can be overwhelming.

In the last few weeks I’ve practiced some meditative rituals (inspired by Aaron Niequist’s The Eternal Current) which help me to acknowledge my joys and fears in these crazy times. I can’t make them go away, but I can lay them out in the open and place them into the hand of the Divine who’s right here with me. In such crazy and uncertain times, it is important to reflect (and maybe adjust) our perspective regularly.

Maybe you’d like to join me?

Find a comfortable position, close your eyes and breathe. Inhale and exhale deeply. Once you’ve found a rhythm, start the meditation.

This practice is not about dragging God into my life. I rather want to discover the places God is already at work in it. I focus on God right now, as much as this is possible in this moment. I ask him to help me look at my day with open eyes and ears and a receptive heart.

I look at my day in gratitude, thinking of what I’ve experienced.

I notice what I feel. God reminds me that I can look back without judgement or shame at how I treated others – and myself – today.

If you want, you can reach out your right hand, palm up.

I look at the things that brought me joy, comfort and hope today. I express gratitude for them.

If you want, you can also reach out your left hand, palm up.

I look at the things that caused me pain, discouragement and fear today. I sit and grieve, then let them go into the hands of God.

I look to what lies ahead. I ask: What do I want to take with me from today? I ask for strength, wisdom and courage.

Inhale. Exhale. End.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

A Reminder for the Parched Soul

“So, what are your plans for this weekend?” my friend asked me as we walked out the school door.
“Oh, I have a Skype meeting in an hour, then I need to cook some food for friends who just had a baby, tonight I’ll go to a concert and tomorrow my parents might visit.” “So…you’re basically taking care of everyone else, but can you please also take care of yourself this weekend?”

Boy, am I glad to have friends like that who point me back to what’s really important.

Four years ago, after a major breakdown, I began to be more intentional about the way I work and rest, Which doesn’t mean that everything always goes well. So here is a reminder for myself to rest, and maybe it will speak to you, too.

You need to rest.
It is a great invention and you need to make more use of it.
It is essential for your soul to live, not just survive.

It is okay to rest and let work be work for a while.
What you do does not define who you are.
You’re a human being, not a human doing.

Rest does not always mean to do nothing.
The gift of Sabbath can come in many different forms and ways.
Sleep in.
Meet up with friends.
Read a good book.
Shut off social media for a while.
Seek solitude.
Take a walk.
Cook great food.
Look out for beauty in the mundane.

Find the things that replenish your empty soul, heal your sore feet and restore the abundance of life inside of you.

Whatever it is for you – do it! Often.

If you’re interested in resting and Sabbath, sign up for Shelly Miller’s Sabbath Society – letters that focus your mind and bless your soul.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

When Life Becomes Busy…

It’s been one of those weeks. You know, when you wake up at the end of those long days as if you’d just been on a rollercoaster ride and you wonder, what have I actually done this week?
Despite all my careful planning and my (normally) good organisational skills, I was buried knee deep in school work this week. So many papers to grade at the end of term, so many last minute events to organize, so many talks and meetings… and so little time to do all that.

In the last two weeks, I have spent more time at school than at home.
I haven’t really talked to anyone outside of school.
I don’t even want to talk about my eating habits. My kitchen is a big mess with leftover junk food, but I have no time nor energy to clean it up.

Maybe you’re familiar with such weeks and thoughts.

Time to pause is rare and self-care is not really at the top of our list these days.
How could we sit dow and rest when there’s a stack of work waiting for us?
Why should we put any effort in cooking something nice when we’re the only ones eating it and a sandwich would do just fine?

Because we deserve it.

In weeks like this I realize how much we have to fight for what’s important.
Inner strength and joy won’t just come, we have to be intentional and seek them out in our busy lives. When we value ourselves with what we do, eat and think, we can keep going and also appreciate the people around us.
When we carve out some time to just rest our thoughts and focus on the beauty in the mundane, we can see the abundance that’s already there.

So today, I decided to let work be work and exchange my desk for a sofa in a coffeeshop. With a giant cup of melange in my hand, I watch people, imagine the stories they have to tell and allow God to breathe life back into me.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

What If Christmas Was Different?

There I was in the middle of the Christmas market.
Lights were shining brightly around the square, from a distance I could hear some kids playing Christmas songs. As I took a deep breath I inhaled the smell of mulled wine, bratwurst and roasted nuts.

I had just come out of a department store where I had braved my way through crowded aisles and stressed out shoppers. Since Christmas is almost here, I couldn’t put it off any longer, I had to buy some presents eventually.

In case you didn’t know, I’m not the biggest fan of shopping. Especially around Christmas time. The shops are crowded, people are unnerved and everyone is stressed out. Christmas seems to be about brighter lights and bigger presents and more, more, more.

Let’s travel back in time.

There he was in the middle of a simple, cold barn. The savior of the world had just been born, a baby into completely unprepared surroundings.
Instead of a majestic palace he chose a stable.
Instead of sterile cleanliness, he came into dirt, simplicity and helplessness.
Instead of hundreds of visitors and big announcements, he invited the neglected shepherds to meet him first.

Sometimes I’d like to have been in that stable that night.
I imagine it to have been peaceful.
Quiet.
Hopeful.
Joyous.
Holy.

The message of Christmas is so very different from the distorted version we’re bombarded with all around us.
It’s about less than more.
It’s about unpreparedness than perfection.
It’s about peace than noise.
It’s about God coming to break through our illusions, expectations, hindrances.

What a gift this is.
May you enjoy it this Christmas.

One last Five Minute Friday this year. See you in 2018!

Rest in the Middle of Life

“Oh no, I couldn’t possibly. There’s just too much to do.
Work first, pleasure later.
I can rest when I’m done with everything.”

Do these statements sound familiar to you?
These battles inside of you between what your soul longs for and what your busy mind tells you to do? Continue reading “Rest in the Middle of Life”

Listen to the Little Things

It starts with the little things.
When I get up in the morning, but my body is still weary from the day before – I know it’s time to rest.
When my hair starts falling out and my wrists starts itching – I know it’s time to rest.
When I snap at people for no obvious reason – I know it’s time to rest.
When I forget about people because I am so focused on the product – I know it’s time to stop. Continue reading “Listen to the Little Things”

The Wonderful Exhausting Pilgrimage of Life

I got off at the airport and picked up my rental car.
And then I started driving.
It had been four years since I had driven on the left side and I was surprised how quickly I got back into the rhythm. It was dark, but with a GPS and a sort of sense of direction I found my friends’ cottage I would be staying at for the next few days.

‘Pilgrims Rest’ said the sign on the door.
How appropriate. Continue reading “The Wonderful Exhausting Pilgrimage of Life”