Three weeks ago the new school year started and for the first time in many years, I wasn’t part of it. My sabbatical began right after summer break and I now live without my familiar rhythms of schedules, demands and regular tasks. Instead of following other people’s expectations, I need to define my own.
People tend to ask me how I enjoy this new freedom and I often struggle to answer. Yes, I am grateful for the absence of a strict schedule, the flexibility to make spontaneous decisions and the immense privilege to explore the world.
But this freedom comes at a price and only now do I realize how much of a structure and validation my job has provided me with. This freedom, how liberating it may be, can be a challenge. I want to make the most out of it and feel pressure not to waste a single day. I research and reflect on what I really want to do, but struggle to actually decide on something. I cannot make theoretical decisions so far into the future when I don’t even know about next week.
Maybe some steps will only become clear when I actually take some steps.
Maybe sight will only be as far as I actually stumble forwards, one foot and one decision after the other.
Maybe some trips will feel like a journey into the dark and being surprised by little lights along the way.
Note: I started a Substack in German to keep track of my travels during this year and it’s been really fun to explore writing in another language. However, I realized that many of my friends and readers don’t speak German and I don’t want to leave them in the dark. So from time to time, you will find the English versions of my Substack texts here in addition to my usual writing. Enjoy!
“And which classes will you teach next year?”, a mother asked me at prom in July. “None”, I reply, “I’ll be on sabbatical and not have any classes at school.”
“Oh really? You don’t look like you’re close to a burnout.”
A break is for people close to breaking down. You have to earn a break by working hard and you better look exhausted. Breaks are luxury invented by the ‘work-life-balance’ generation and harm the nation’s productivity (if we believe our chancellor’s opinion).
So why in the world do I dare to take a sabbatical after ten years of teaching?
First of all: Yes, a sabbatical is a privilege and I am very aware of that. Not every profession allows you to save up money and then take some paid time off. Not every employer guarantees you a return to your previous position. Even in seemingly safe fields like civil service laws are changed and freedoms are limited – which is a real problem given the exhaustion and challenges teachers face every day (but that’s a longer discussion).
Sabbatical means to press pause on your current doing and being. It originates from Judaism, which practiced a sabbatical every seven years. It meant the forgiveness of debts, balances of earnings and a break for agricultural spaces. I like this thought and wonder if we should apply it to our lives more often.
Sabbatical for me means to pause my current routines and regain some strength. Yes, I love my job and the people, but it does drain a lot of social energy and at some point, the tank is empty. If I don’t want to wait for a full inner breakdown, I have to take good care of myself now and fill that tank.
Sabbatical means to reflect on the last ten years (crazy how fast time flies!) and to sort through the different factors in my life. Have I set the right priorities or might I have to change something? Which things and relationships do I really need in order to live well, do I plan ample time and space for them?
“Let your life be driven more strongly by curiosity than fear.” – Liz Gilbert1
Sabbatical means to seek inspiration and use the opportunity to put it into practice. In my daily life I often miss time for my personal interests and relationships outside of work – but they matter to me as an individual. At the end of summer break I often realize that I am rested enough physically and mentally to discover creative projects, but then I have to go to school and ideas disappear under piles of work and stress. What will happen if I now have the time to actually pursue these creative endeavors?
Sabbatical means to be excited again. My job as a teacher is focused on motivating people to learn new things, but we often forget that we have to remain students as well. I want to try things I haven’t done before and experience that moment again when the lightbulb goes on. I want to remember that “high” and then carry it back into my projects and ideas.
“My goal is to build a life I don’t need a vacation from.”2
Sabbatical means to develop long-term strategies to balance out my work in the future. To maintain a focus on the essentials and the right priority of everything I have to do. I want to walk through life healthily and not waste energy on things that don’t endure anyway. I want to be comfortable and thriving with the routines I build. I want to lead a life I don’t need a vacation from, to live from weekend to weekend, holiday to holiday or plan the next sabbatical right away.
What does that mean for this year? I will travel and meet old and new friends. I will spend days without an agenda and say yes to spontaneous activities. I will battle with loneliness and solitude. I will become an intercultural coach and dive into intellectual depths. I will read and write a lot (hopefully).
Am I excited for the year? YES! And I am super excited to see what will surprise me. Am I nervous about things to come? ABSOLUTELY. After ten years of strict structure and routine I am a little afraid of all this freedom. But I want to face that challenge and rather follow my curiosity than give into fear.
We’re on our first week of summer break. When you’ve been on a roll for so many weeks, finishing up your school work and holding space for your students’ emotions, it usually takes a while to shift into holiday mode.
Cleaning out digital and physical class folders and teaching material. Clearing out my desk and bag, only to find some long lost document (and sometimes a disgusting leftover sandwich). Working through my to do list of things I didn’t get around to during the school year. Sending last emails to colleagues, parents and students before setting an “out of office” message. Sleeping without an alarm clock, eat whenever you want and don’t watch the time at night.
It takes a while for your body to adjust to a new schedule. Until the gentle reminder to yourself that you can go back to sleep after waking up at 6am sharp actually picks up.
It takes even longer for the brain to crank down several gears and function on a slower pace. To enjoy solitude and the blissful gift of a full day without an agenda.
To fully enjoy summer break l, I need to allow myself time to shift and not rush right into the next adventure.
This is especially true this year since my summer break is much longer than the usual six weeks. They’re just the beginning to a sabbatical – a whole year of freedom to explore, travel, challenge and grow.
Am I ready for that? I don’t think so (yet). Give me some time to shift.
One thing I definitely want to do this year: Finding my way back into a steady writing rhythm. Starting with Five Minute Friday today. Join us?
A couple of days ago, I tore a muscle in my leg really badly and have been bedridden for most of this week. This interrupted my usual speed of life, but it also provided me with some unexpected time to observe and reflect. I suddenly was more aware of the little favors of life.
When I waited in the ER for a couple of hours, I was entertained by some friends who sent me texts, jokes and good thoughts. We had planned to go out that night; instead, they bought food and cooked dinner over at my place for me. When I went back to work way too early (and in a lot of pain), friends looked out for me and sent me back home to get well properly. They called or texted to check in on me and cheer me up. When a package arrived, I mustered up my strength to walk down all the five floors to collect it, but when I opened the door, I realized that a neighbor had already carried it all the way up to my apartment – they didn’t even know I was sick this week. When I hobbled to the grocery store in the middle of the day to avoid the busy hours with my handicap, an elderly man walks up to me in the coffee aisle. He doesn’t speak German or English, but with a bit of Italian and sign language I figure out that he needs help with buying the correct coffee for his wife. Together we “discuss” the various options and have a laugh over it. When I suddenly had time to read in the morning with a cup of the, the most beautiful sunshine lights up my little reading nook.
Little favors that lit up my life. They made this week so much better than anticipated, despite my injury I was connected to the kindness of friends and strangers. I have received favors, and I want to pass them on to others. It doesn’t take much to brighten someone’s day and remind us all of our shared humanity – a simple but fundamental truth in turbulent times such as these.
What kind of favors have you received this week? What can you pass on to others?
There are days when everything seems easy, work flows and you just cross items off your to do list. There are days when life seems to stagnate and nothing seems to move at all. And then there are days when you can barely keep your eyes open at 8pm and your body just begs you to go to bed already.
We cannot always choose what our days look like, but we can practice how to react to unforeseen challenges and exhausting moments.
Last year, I was often burned out and couldn’t even name what I wanted or needed when I came home completely tired. I knew I was restless, but I couldn’t tell what would calm me down. So I started writing a list of things that might help me. When I felt energized and rested I decided to prepare for the moments when I wouldn’t be. I tried to be as specific as possible. Cooking some comfort food –for me, that would be potato dumplings and brown sauce. Reading a book instead of staring at the screen. Dancing to 70s music. Putting on makeup, just for me. Flicking through old photo books to remind myself that hard times with pass and the sun will come back eventually. Writing. Calling a friend and sitting on their couch. Asking for a hug. Staring out the window, take one deep breath after the other. Taking a day in the middle of the week to explore a new city with an old friend. Praying.
What are specific things you do to get yourself through challenging times?
During my morning meditation I practice to be still. To listen to my breaths coming and going in a steady rhythm. To calm my thoughts about the day ahead of me or memories from yesterday. To listen to what’s around and inside me.
When I allow stillness to settle in, I suddenly notice a lot. A train rattling by in the distance. The oven clock ticking so much louder all of a sudden. The first rain drops on the window. The birds chirping in the trees on your street. The wandering thoughts slowly by slowly returning to the present, sitting with me in that moment.
My life is filled to the brim with schedules, to do lists and worries. This world is full of unsettling election results, unresolved wars and so many question marks about the future. My vision is blurred by too much action, but practicing stillness can help to adjust my perspective.
There’s so much to discover if I allow myself to truly see. To pull away the cover of busyness, planning and worry. To give my undivided attention to the moment right in front of me. To not shy away from the dark spots I might find there. To always look for the glimpses of hope leading me towards the light.
How do you know when you need a break? How does your body tell you that it’s enough and you need to take a step back? I believe that our body is a vital part of us and we should listen more closely to her.
For me, it’s headaches.
This morning, I woke up with a sharp pain piercing through my head, forcing me to lie down again instead of starting my day. It’s Friday, the end of a long and demanding week. I had a lot to think of, many unforeseen tasks that meant long hours at work and very little time to take a break. Now my body screams to slow down and I’m a bit angry at myself for having waited so long.
We need periods of respite in our lives. And this starts with little moments of rest when we allow our mind and body to slow down and step away from the world for a moment. Like eating lunch away from the desk and savoring every bite. Like going to bed at a decent time and not binge another episode. Like holding your face into the sun and let it warm you. Like shedding a tear when the pressure is just too much. Like doing one thing at a time instead of staring at multiple screens. Like exchanging the phone for a book in the evening. Like taking a deep breath when the chaos runs high.
It doesn’t have to be much, but over time these small things build a habit of listening and granting ourselves permission to rest in the midst of full schedules, minds and lives. They will still be there, but we’ll approach them differently.
What are your little moments of respite this week?
Racing thoughts before my body is fully awake. Ticking boxes on the to do list. Scrolling mindlessly through social media, hoping for something– anything – to distract me from life. Filling in paperwork at work while questioning what it is actually about. Running errands with tired feet and an exhausted mind.
Annie Dillard once said, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”
Sometimes I wonder if we waste our time by focusing so much on things that don’t really matter in the long run. By blowing minor details out of proportion. By continuing to run a show we might never have wanted to be a part of anyway. By allowing external factors to push us constantly forward. By keeping ourselves so busy that we have forgotten to listen to the essential, quiet voices in our lives.
I often wish I was more productive. I don’t mean hyper productivity or putting even more pressure on myself (I guess we have enough of that already!). What I mean is to tread carefully and take conscious steps into each day and task. Do my work with room for creativity, failure and growth. Be fully present in conversations. Rest with intention. Get lost in the good moments and waste time for the things that nourish my soul and relationships with others. Hold still to watch that sunrise for a moment longer. Use the hours and minutes that I’ve been given well. Experience life in abundance with all its highs and lows. Give myself enough time to feel it all.
For several mornings this week I’ve woken up long before my alarm. My body was still tired, but my mind had already begun racing.
In the dark everything seems to be louder and bigger. Up close. Tasks scream to be done right now. Worries appear twice as big as they probably are. Fear creeps in and slowly makes its way through your whole body. By the time, the alarm goes off I already feel exhausted and overwhelmed.
In moments like this, it helps me to take a step back and see things from afar. meet my emotions with reason. Examine where they come from and which role they should play in this moment. Writing things down helps to untangle my thoughts and create coherence in the midst of chaos. Penciling dates in a calendar puts things into perspective. I realize what is mine to do and what isn’t. It allows me to get to work when needed, but it also gives me freedom to release the worries I need to let go of.
January is an invitation. I don’t know if you’re the kind of person who reflects on what worked well in the previous year, which rhythms and rituals you’d like to continue or modify. Being too much in your head can be exhausting, but I have to come realize that I actually benefit from taking a step back once in a while to observe what I do and why I do things.
Do I live the life I want or does life just happen to me?
As this new year begins, I sit down and reflect on the patterns that make up my life: Which relationships surround me? Which routines do I do every day? Which activities do I slip into when I want to unwind?
This year I want to observe what I pay attention to. How do I spend my time and thoughts? Which emotions come and go, which impact do they have on me?
I realize that I tend to escape into social media scrolls when I just hope for some distracting entertainment and it usually leaves me empty afterwards. Reading a book is much more uplifting. I realize that I want to connect more with people, so scheduling intentional community time with others might be a good next step. I realize that my job is really busy and keeps me on track, but it also enables me to learn and discover so much.
My life is made up of so many different patterns and colors – together, they make up the blanket that holds my stories and keeps me warm in colder times. And the more I realize, the more grateful I become for this wild, wonder-ful life I’ve been given to explore.
Writing for Five Minute Friday today. It’s been a while, but I’m glad to revisit this beloved rhythm.
