Five Minute Friday

Leaving “Almost” Behind

I get it.
We want to know for sure, to have a definite answer.
We want to be certain of what’s right and wrong.
Almost is not good enough for us, we need 100%.

There’s safety in black and white.
There’s a community with those who are in.
We don’t want to be outside in the dark where everything is unsure.
No one wants to be left alone.

But what if we stepped outside the familiar realm into the great unknown?

We crawl through the dust and reach for something – anything – that will hold us.
Our feet touch ground we’ve never felt before. It’s uncomfortable at first, but it quickly warms up and feels soft.
It carries us to new places where we discover that there’s always more to the story than what we’ve known.
There are new voices, new perspectives, new colors.
The black and white picture suddenly lights up and comes to life in ways we’d never expected.
We confront giants and watch as they become companions on our journey.
We find others on this path to freedom.
We jump across the cliff and… fly.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

Little moments of rest

How do you know when you need a break? How does your body tell you that it’s enough and you need to take a step back? I believe that our body is a vital part of us and we should listen more closely to her.

For me, it’s headaches.

This morning, I woke up with a sharp pain piercing through my head, forcing me to lie down again instead of starting my day.
It’s Friday, the end of a long and demanding week. I had a lot to think of, many unforeseen tasks that meant long hours at work and very little time to take a break. Now my body screams to slow down and I’m a bit angry at myself for having waited so long.

We need periods of respite in our lives. And this starts with little moments of rest when we allow our mind and body to slow down and step away from the world for a moment.
Like eating lunch away from the desk and savoring every bite.
Like going to bed at a decent time and not binge another episode.
Like holding your face into the sun and let it warm you.
Like shedding a tear when the pressure is just too much.
Like doing one thing at a time instead of staring at multiple screens.
Like exchanging the phone for a book in the evening.
Like taking a deep breath when the chaos runs high.

It doesn’t have to be much, but over time these small things build a habit of listening and granting ourselves permission to rest in the midst of full schedules, minds and lives. They will still be there, but we’ll approach them differently.

What are your little moments of respite this week?

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

You’re worth it

On Wednesday I felt like celebrating. I invited some girls from my book club over and enjoyed getting dressed up. I set the table with nice silverware and opened a bottle of sparkling wine.
We spoiled ourselves with salmon and burrata.
We enjoyed cocktails and toasted to our friendship.
We laughed at silly stories and nodded at shared experiences.
We shared a bit of life.

A table full of great food, conversations and life.

Yes, it was Valentine’s Day.
Yes, the news around the world still sound bleak.
Yes, it was in the middle of the week.

And yet, we celebrate.
We’re caught in comparisons and competitions (especially as women!), always modest and humble.
We take care of everyone but ourselves.
We believe far too often that we’re not worth it.
We’re surrounded by so much darkness, chaos, exhaustion and uncertainty, so maybe the biggest act of defiance is to pause for a moment, spoil ourselves and celebrate life and friendships in the midst of it all.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

Waste time well

Racing thoughts before my body is fully awake.
Ticking boxes on the to do list.
Scrolling mindlessly through social media, hoping for something– anything – to distract me from life.
Filling in paperwork at work while questioning what it is actually about.
Running errands with tired feet and an exhausted mind.

Annie Dillard once said, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”

Sometimes I wonder if we waste our time by focusing so much on things that don’t really matter in the long run. By blowing minor details out of proportion. By continuing to run a show we might never have wanted to be a part of anyway. By allowing external factors to push us constantly forward. By keeping ourselves so busy that we have forgotten to listen to the essential, quiet voices in our lives.

I often wish I was more productive. I don’t mean hyper productivity or putting even more pressure on myself (I guess we have enough of that already!). What I mean is to tread carefully and take conscious steps into each day and task.
Do my work with room for creativity, failure and growth.
Be fully present in conversations.
Rest with intention.
Get lost in the good moments and waste time for the things that nourish my soul and relationships with others.
Hold still to watch that sunrise for a moment longer.
Use the hours and minutes that I’ve been given well.
Experience life in abundance with all its highs and lows.
Give myself enough time to feel it all.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

Take a step back

For several mornings this week I’ve woken up long before my alarm.
My body was still tired, but my mind had already begun racing.

In the dark everything seems to be louder and bigger.
Up close.
Tasks scream to be done right now.
Worries appear twice as big as they probably are. Fear creeps in and slowly makes its way through your whole body.
By the time, the alarm goes off I already feel exhausted and overwhelmed.

In moments like this, it helps me to take a step back and see things from afar. meet my emotions with reason. Examine where they come from and which role they should play in this moment.
Writing things down helps to untangle my thoughts and create coherence in the midst of chaos. Penciling dates in a calendar puts things into perspective. I realize what is mine to do and what isn’t. It allows me to get to work when needed, but it also gives me freedom to release the worries I need to let go of.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

The patterns that make up a life

January is an invitation.
I don’t know if you’re the kind of person who reflects on what worked well in the previous year, which rhythms and rituals you’d like to continue or modify. Being too much in your head can be exhausting, but I have to come realize that I actually benefit from taking a step back once in a while to observe what I do and why I do things.

Do I live the life I want or does life just happen to me?

As this new year begins, I sit down and reflect on the patterns that make up my life: Which relationships surround me?
Which routines do I do every day?
Which activities do I slip into when I want to unwind?

This year I want to observe what I pay attention to.
How do I spend my time and thoughts?
Which emotions come and go, which impact do they have on me?

I realize that I tend to escape into social media scrolls when I just hope for some distracting entertainment and it usually leaves me empty afterwards. Reading a book is much more uplifting.
I realize that I want to connect more with people, so scheduling intentional community time with others might be a good next step.
I realize that my job is really busy and keeps me on track, but it also enables me to learn and discover so much.

My life is made up of so many different patterns and colors – together, they make up the blanket that holds my stories and keeps me warm in colder times. And the more I realize, the more grateful I become for this wild, wonder-ful life I’ve been given to explore.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.
It’s been a while, but I’m glad to revisit this beloved rhythm.

A Practice for Uncertainty

It’s day Godknowswhat of this lockdown – how are you doing?

We have reached a state where nothing is sure anymore.

We don’t know when we’ll go back to school or what school will look like in the future.
We don’t know if we’ll see some students this year at all.
We don’t know if there will be grades or any graduation.

I don’t know what my summer break will look like.
I don’t know when I’ll be able to see real human beings in real life again.
I don’t know when we’ll be able to just sit on the lawn together, with a beer in hand, watching the sunset.
I don’t know if my family will be spared from the virus.
I don’t know how our hearts and minds will overcome this collective trauma.
I don’t know if any of the good practices we discover now – self-care, long walks, enough sleep, solidarity – will uphold once the speed of life is back on.

Uncertainty really sinks in now and I feel a shift in so many. So far we were able to push back the circumstances as temporary, now we have to get used to the reality that this could really take a while and we need to adjust everything – our schedules, plans, lives – to it.

This can be overwhelming.

In the last few weeks I’ve practiced some meditative rituals (inspired by Aaron Niequist’s The Eternal Current) which help me to acknowledge my joys and fears in these crazy times. I can’t make them go away, but I can lay them out in the open and place them into the hand of the Divine who’s right here with me. In such crazy and uncertain times, it is important to reflect (and maybe adjust) our perspective regularly.

Maybe you’d like to join me?

Find a comfortable position, close your eyes and breathe. Inhale and exhale deeply. Once you’ve found a rhythm, start the meditation.

This practice is not about dragging God into my life. I rather want to discover the places God is already at work in it. I focus on God right now, as much as this is possible in this moment. I ask him to help me look at my day with open eyes and ears and a receptive heart.

I look at my day in gratitude, thinking of what I’ve experienced.

I notice what I feel. God reminds me that I can look back without judgement or shame at how I treated others – and myself – today.

If you want, you can reach out your right hand, palm up.

I look at the things that brought me joy, comfort and hope today. I express gratitude for them.

If you want, you can also reach out your left hand, palm up.

I look at the things that caused me pain, discouragement and fear today. I sit and grieve, then let them go into the hands of God.

I look to what lies ahead. I ask: What do I want to take with me from today? I ask for strength, wisdom and courage.

Inhale. Exhale. End.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

The Darkness around and in Us

It’s the first week of Easter break, but who really cares? There’s no visible change to the scenery, I can travel from my bed to the kitchen to the balcony with an occasional layover in the bathroom. Things have become so dull, so same, so lifeless.

It’s actually the perfect way to begin Holy Week.

In a week when we remember a life giving story in the midst of darkness, it can be difficult to grasp such abstract concepts like sin and forgiveness, death and resurrection. So many of us struggle to feel the right things at the right time because it all just seems so removed from our reality.

This year the darkness has become tangible.

For weeks now public life has stopped and we’re confined to our own spaces. While some of us might appreciate this unexpected pause in their busy lives, you might also be one who struggles to enjoy this time.

You who lives with the risk of domestic violence, turning your safe home into a war zone.
You who craves just a short moment to yourself without your partner, children or siblings demanding more of your time and energy.
You who has not seen or touched another human face in weeks.
You who feels the weight of isolation taking its toll on you as loneliness seeps through your body and slowly takes a hold of your mind and soul.

You who are crammed into broken cold tents on an island at the outskirts of Europe, waiting for a promise to be fulfilled.
You who are most at risk from dying of our merciless politics and rejection.

You who have seen your dreams of a birthday, a vacation, a wedding being taken from you without warning.
You who have closed your shop and don’t know if you’ll ever reopen.
You who face illness with no chance of a cure.

You who have lost a loved one in this time and find no safe space to mourn.
You who feel like your grief is going to overpower you.
You who wonder how long this uncertainty will last.

Welcome to the darkness.

Maybe this is what Holy Week is about: As we lean into this unknown space together struggling to make sense of it all, we gain a bit more understanding of this death so long ago. No matter where you are on this planet, in your life span, in your emotions – the darkness encompasses us all and makes us one.

We become aware of each other’s suffering.
We feel each other’s pain.
We grow closer as we blindly stumble towards the light.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

When We Meet Here

A simple piece of wood can mean the world to some.

When we meet at the table, a transformation takes place.
All of a sudden,
your age,
your profession,
your ethnicity,
your family status,
your gender,
your faith don’t matter.
Here we are all equal.
Human beings, ready to share a meal together.

When we meet at the table, we gather with our stories and know that people will listen. Our questions
and doubts
are welcome
because we trust others to hold them for us.

At the table we delight in the colorful diversity and richness creation has to offer.
We taste
the goodness of the Lord
in new flavors,
spices
and recipes.

When we meet at the table, we enjoy each other’s company by doing something mundane as eating together.
Everyone does it
everyday,
but far too many of us have to eat alone so often.

Being together over food nourishes our bodies,
warms our hearts
and strengthens our souls.

A simple place that has become home to so many.

Welcome people with their thoughts and stories to your table – and you might give them the world today.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.
Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

Taking Stock

Last night a strong urge to clean came over me. Don’t ask me why it often hits me at such unusual times. Some call it procrastination to avoid more pressing tasks, some need it in order to fully function. For me, it might be a bit of both.

Once in a while it’s good to take stock.
To examine what I have on my shelves and in my drawers and decide which of these things I truly need.
To sift through the stacks of books and boxes full of nonsense.
To realize that things I once bought or held onto for so long are no longer needed.
To get rid of objects simply taking up space and dust in your drawers.
To regain control over the chaos, make space in my head and heart.
To discover long-forgotten treasures and fall in love with them all over again.

It is exhausting and tiresome, but when I clean out drawers and shelves, I learn.

Once in a while it’s time for a spiritual clean-up.
To take stock of my faith and ideas.
To examine what I have been taught and decide what I actually believe.
To sift through the limiting boxes I have put God in.
To realize that the doctrines I once held onto so tightly no longer explain the God I have come to know now.
To get rid of empty forms cluttering my mind and deafening the spirit.
To rediscover old practices and fall in love with truths my soul has known all along.
To make space to breath and new life to come in.

It is risky and often painful, but when I clean out my life and faith, I grow.

When was your last clean-up? What have you gotten rid of? Which truths have you rediscovered?

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.