I Am (Not) Surprised

I’m a bit surprised.
And angry.
And disillusioned.
This week has been hard.
A lot of questions and doubts and struggles.
A lot of tears and hopes and fears.
So many question marks about the future.
So many unfulfilled desires.
And so little assurance and certainty of everything.

In my walk of life with its ups and downs I thought I had learned a bit.
I thought I had developed a bit of confidence in myself, in others, in You.
I thought I had learned enough truth which would now get me through the storm.
I thought I had become at least a little bit more mature in wisdom, life, and faith.

As I lie here in my restless state of mind and heart I realize that I am not surprised.
I am sobered.
In all the living and growing and struggling I still need You.
In all the knowing and learning I still need to trust You.
In all the wandering and moving I still need to find my home in You.
In all the worrying and questioning and doubting I just hope that You’ll be there every step of the way.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today. Have you heard? There will be a book compilation with the best pieces from the community. Check out the details at Kate’s page!

Author: Katha von Dessien

Teacher. Believer in the Wilderness. Third Culture Kid. World Traveler. People and Food at the Table Lover. Writer.

8 thoughts on “I Am (Not) Surprised”

  1. Oh Katha. I think we all gave found ourselves in this place at one time or another. We all need him. I’m over in the 43 spot this week.

  2. Katha, we think we learn this lesson and then something happens and we feel like we’re back to square one. I’m so thankful God doesn’t change. I recently read that that is why He allows constant change in our lives – because He is the One Unchanging, unlike anything or anyone we’ve ever known. I pray your heart be comforted today in the Unchanging, All-knowing One. I loved what you wrote – and your honesty. 🙂

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