For the Wanderers and Wonderers [A Deconstructionist Psalm]

I leave the safe shore behind and wade into the waves.
Through bitterness and hurt I develop critical thinking and courage to not remain silent. I face my fears and name my anger.

I am walking away and I am walking further. And I am wondering when I will arrive.
And if I do, where will I be? 

I ask the uncomfortable questions and sit a long time waiting for the answers.
I live with silence.
I open the boxes that contain my knowledge about You, the facts and stories I have been taught over the years, the things I no longer am sure of.
I take them in my hands, one by one, turn them over and examine them from all angles.
I sift through the mess that is my heart to get to the real emotions hiding in the corners.

I let go of what doesn’t carry me anymore, of false assumptions, of too small ideas of You. I reach out to others in the wilderness and enjoy our honest conversations for once.
I embrace a bigger picture, a bigger You, a bigger love.

I am walking away and I am walking further. And I am wondering when I will arrive.
And if I do, where will You be? 

I can’t deny that this journey has been painful and exhausting.
What happens after letting go?
What do I do with the remains of my faith?
I wonder if I will ever get to a point when I’ll feel whole again.
When the broken pieces have been reconstructed and transformed into something stronger and more beautiful than imagined.
When I have developed new ways to find You, to believe in You.

I am walking away and I am walking further. And I am wondering if this is what I’m meant to be – a wanderer, a wonderer, a person completely herself. A traveler who knows deep in her heart that You are the only constant on this journey. 

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

Author: Katha von Dessien

Teacher. Believer in the Wilderness. Third Culture Kid. World Traveler. People and Food at the Table Lover. Writer.

8 thoughts on “For the Wanderers and Wonderers [A Deconstructionist Psalm]”

  1. Your post reminds me of Gungors song “Beautiful Things.” God makes beautiful things out of dust, out of us! It also makes me think of the Japanese art form kintsugi. Look it up! I’m in the 37 spot this week.

  2. This journey has been ower-long
    and I won’t deny, I’m tired.
    But something keeps my footsteps strong,
    and keeps my heart inspired.
    It may be lightning’s distant loom
    in a silent desert sky,
    or the songbird’s lilting tune
    as another dawn comes nigh.
    Or, perhaps, it’s far beyond
    the stars in their far courses.
    Well-past the mile and measured maund,
    told in polyphonic voices.
    And the road winds on, mysterious,
    to a place where joy’s delirious.

    A maund is a unit of weight measure used in British India, about 82 lbs.

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