I leave the safe shore behind and wade into the waves.
Through bitterness and hurt I develop critical thinking and courage to not remain silent. I face my fears and name my anger.
I am walking away and I am walking further. And I am wondering when I will arrive.
And if I do, where will I be?
I ask the uncomfortable questions and sit a long time waiting for the answers.
I live with silence.
I open the boxes that contain my knowledge about You, the facts and stories I have been taught over the years, the things I no longer am sure of.
I take them in my hands, one by one, turn them over and examine them from all angles.
I sift through the mess that is my heart to get to the real emotions hiding in the corners.
I let go of what doesn’t carry me anymore, of false assumptions, of too small ideas of You. I reach out to others in the wilderness and enjoy our honest conversations for once.
I embrace a bigger picture, a bigger You, a bigger love.
I am walking away and I am walking further. And I am wondering when I will arrive.
And if I do, where will You be?
I can’t deny that this journey has been painful and exhausting.
What happens after letting go?
What do I do with the remains of my faith?
I wonder if I will ever get to a point when I’ll feel whole again.
When the broken pieces have been reconstructed and transformed into something stronger and more beautiful than imagined.
When I have developed new ways to find You, to believe in You.
I am walking away and I am walking further. And I am wondering if this is what I’m meant to be – a wanderer, a wonderer, a person completely herself. A traveler who knows deep in her heart that You are the only constant on this journey.
Writing for Five Minute Friday today.
thisiskatha.com 
Your post reminds me of Gungors song “Beautiful Things.” God makes beautiful things out of dust, out of us! It also makes me think of the Japanese art form kintsugi. Look it up! I’m in the 37 spot this week.
Thank you Tara! I love the Gungor song, it often speaks into my situation. And yes, I have heard of this art form, really incredible!
I cannot tell you how exactly you have written my heart into words. Thank you so much. This is beyond beautiful.
Jane, this makes me really happy! I am glad my words didn’t just speak to me. Thanks for reading along!
This journey has been ower-long
and I won’t deny, I’m tired.
But something keeps my footsteps strong,
and keeps my heart inspired.
It may be lightning’s distant loom
in a silent desert sky,
or the songbird’s lilting tune
as another dawn comes nigh.
Or, perhaps, it’s far beyond
the stars in their far courses.
Well-past the mile and measured maund,
told in polyphonic voices.
And the road winds on, mysterious,
to a place where joy’s delirious.
A maund is a unit of weight measure used in British India, about 82 lbs.
Beautiful, as always. Thanks for your faithful writing, Andrew!
Embracing a bigger love…beautiful. FMF19
Thanks, Michelle!