The Reward of Letting Go

I have given you my everything
performed on big stages
attended all the must-have-been-there events
showed my face with all the right people

I have read so much about you and
was quick to give an answer
or judgment
said all the rights things and
often said too much

I have worked hard for you
exhausted myself over hours
and days
and years
not realizing that life inside of me

I let go of my certainties and safe answers
opened my mind to what if and maybe
fell silent when voices around me grew louder
allowed doubt to sneak in

I left behind the old trodden paths
the places that told me who I was
the world of black and white
the safe realm of knowing it all

I wondered if I had made the right choice
if returning to the old ideas would make the wilderness any more bearable
if I simply thought too much and
somehow lost myself along the way
find that

I have discovered infinite beauty in mundane places
the rich colors life has to offer
the depth that is born out of darkness
the light that shines through the cracks

I have inhaled the scent of freedom
the life-changing difference of must and may
the peace that is found in stillness
and an honest “I don’t know yet”

I am learning that the reward of letting go
is getting to know you all over again
falling deeper into your unfathomable vastness
only to be held by who you’ve
been all along

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

Author: Katha von Dessien

Teacher. Believer in the Wilderness. Third Culture Kid. World Traveler. People and Food at the Table Lover. Writer.

10 thoughts on “The Reward of Letting Go”

  1. Katha, this is AWESOME!

    I have a different take on letting go…if I may?

    Sometimes letting go is best
    but that’s not how I train.
    I’ve lost a lot, will save the rest,
    and THIS, I will maintain.
    The gates of Hell have opened wide
    to issue smoke so black,
    flames that make me want to hide
    from Satan’s cruel attack.
    But hiding’s not the way to win
    and I will charge ahead;
    all that I might have been
    will live, or count me dead.
    And perhaps my sole reward
    is that I’ll die facing forward.

    #28 at FMF this week.

  2. Love this so much. Identify with so much of it. I have had several seasons of hiddenness and each one brought me closer to God through the darkness of not knowing and daring to voice my questions and doubts and learning to rest in the beautiful mystery of God. So blessed by your beautiful poem.

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