Everyday Killers

This space has been empty a few Fridays in a row. I opened Kate’s page early on Friday mornings to check what the prompt was as I usually do. Then I would mull over a few thoughts and start typing.

Not in the last few weeks.

I was just blank. Even after a few hours of thinking and pondering, nothing would come to mind. Nothing. I felt like I had nothing to say. So I left this space blank. Week after week passed, Friday after Friday I grew more frustrated and angrier at myself.
Has inspiration deserted me?
Where has all my creativity wandered off to?

If I compare my soul to a garden, there are different kinds of flowers and plants. Together they make a beautiful diverse image of creation, but each of them needs different care and nurturing.

Inspiration is a very delicate plant in this soul garden. It is planted deep inside everyone of us, but it will only grow depending how we take care of it. It’s so easy for inspiration to be suffocated with the thistles of busyness – a dangerous plant that grows like crazy if we don’t pay attention. It will drain the soil and leave us empty inside. I have been so busy lately with finishing off the school year while launching a book that I was too busy to pay much attention. Busyness had tied me up and I never really had time to stop and rest.

It can be hard to find inspiration in the midst of busyness. That’s why it is imperative to train our eyes to look for it, no matter how many thistles grow in our garden.
I have lost the focus on beauty in the mundane a bit in the last few weeks.
And slowly by slowly, sentiments like frustration and anger have settled in my heart. I snapped at students, I got frustrated with colleagues, I didn’t see the good in others anymore. The bright and colorful garden had turned grey for me because I looked at it through the wrong filter.
Beauty is already here, right here and now. And I need it more than I can imagine.
Only when I am able to admire the wonders around me, only when I allow God to speak to me, I am able to draw from that inspiration deep inside of me and truly create.

While I work in the garden I often get distracted by that voice inside of me.
You’re not good enough.
No one is going to read your words anyway.
Your work has to be perfect.
Far too often I give in to that voice. It’s like someone is slamming on my inner breaks and my hands are tied, I just.can’t.write. Instead of tending to the musings of my soul and responding to the inspiration inside of me, I worry about formats and what others will say about it. I fall for false expectations and am left empty in the end.

Can anyone relate?
What can you find in the garden of your soul?

With summer approaching I want to take better care of my garden and all the different plants in it.
I want to be intentional about resting more.
I want to listen more before I do.
I want to look out for beauty all around me.
I want to protect my inspiration from lies and distractions.
I want to create again.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

Author: Katha von Dessien

Teacher. Believer in the Wilderness. Third Culture Kid. World Traveler. People and Food at the Table Lover. Writer.

8 thoughts on “Everyday Killers”

  1. You want to create again? Uh…Katha, you just DID.

    This is a masterful post, and the garden analogy is simply superb. I think you have helped a LOT of people with this,people who thought their hearts were drying out.

    You’ve provided the water, here, to nourish dying dreams. I am SO impressed! 😀

  2. Be still and know that I’m God! We must take time to rest, let the sun nurture us, water us, etc. I’m in the 7 spot this week.

  3. Thanks, Katha, for sharing! I find lots of wilderness in my garden. I like it, it has ist own beauty, but sometimes, the big busyness is such a huge weed, it keeps all the tiny little flowers from growing. What amazes me however, is how resistant many little flowers are. Even if they already suffered from too little water and sun, all of sudden, when they just received the sparkle of a summer rain or the taking away of some of the sourrounding weed, tough they seemed already dead, they come back and eventually start to bloom. To me, inspiration mostly comes when I am living the moment. Not rushing in time, but being present. Lingering in my garden and opening my eyes and ears to anew see and hear the beauty of my life and the many little gifts in it.

    1. Thank you for sharing! You are right, I’m so glad that inspiration continues to come through despite all the busyness and mess I often have in the garden. And yes, being in the moment is so helpful when we lack inspiration. May you have plenty of time to do that this summer!

  4. I can most definitely relate! Writing frequently takes a back seat for me and I feel like I am just emerging from a long season of having no inspiration. Keep writing! Your neighbour at FMF this week.

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