[31 Days] Day 4 Learn

It’s Day 4 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here. And don’t forget to subscribe and follow the journey!
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Come on, just do it and throw the ball. 
Ask them their names, ask them about the weather, about anything. 
Make some small talk. 
O wait, they don’t understand a word I’m saying. 
They don’t look like me. They’re so different from me. 
Or am I different from them?
It’s interesting how simple things can become the scariest steps out of a sudden. 
Ordinary things like playing ball with other kids can be a real adventure when you don’t speak their language and have no idea about how life works around here.


Slowly I made my first steps in the Ugandan culture. 

Playing ball with our neighbors, visiting other kids, trying to find a rhythm again.
It was like starting all over. 

I was a little child again, having to learn a new language and getting to know people. 
You quickly realize that language is so much more than new words and sounds. 
It’s a code of behavior, a stream of thoughts, a way of life.
You’re no longer on the inside and part of an established group. 

Your differences made you the outsider looking in. 
Making you want to observe and learn and belong.

The habit of observing and taking it all in is something I still practice and treasure until today. 
And I guess many TCKs agree that we don’t just want to look in from the outside. 

We long to belong. 

And this might take a while to observe from the background, learning the codes, and tuning our lives to these new rhythms. 

Do you remember your first steps in a new country? Share them with us! 

[Five Minute Friday] New

It’s Friday, so this means there will be a “normal” Five Minute Friday post here today. Join fellow writers over at Kate‘s!
But it’s also Day 3 of the 31 Days series in the Life of a TCK, so obviously it will all go under this theme. Never heard of the series? No problem, you’re welcome to join in! Find more infos here, then subscribe to get all the posts in your inbox!
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Six years after I had left Uganda I once again stepped onto African ground.
Somehow my heart had drawn me to South Africa, so I would spend a year there doing voluntary work in a township near Pretoria.
While packing, while saying goodbye, while anticipating the adventure – my heart sang: Africa, I am coming back.

I thought I knew Africa.
I thought I knew how things would be, what clothes to wear, what life to live, what people to meet.
Well, in some respect yes.
From the moment my team leader picked me up from the airport and we drove through the countryside I felt at home. Driving on the left side just seemed so much more natural to me than the right (and I still prefer it until today).

But in so many respects no.
Houses looked different, the roads had less potholes and more asphalt, and the people were different.
There were white people who called themselves African, a concept that did not fit in my picture of black-African; white- foreigner.
It took me a while to get used to the mambo jambo of the Rainbow Nation South Africa.

This would not just be another year in Africa. This was something new. 
I was no longer the missionary kid tagged along by the parents and seeing what they did.
This was me being the missionary and doing the work, including all the joys and hardships.

Different good or different bad? Definitely good. But so new and challenging. 

This experience is true for many TCKs who move between cultures and lived in even more countries than me.
You cannot compare one or the other.
Every bit of their lives is different and new.
And that’s okay, it keeps you fresh and challenges a different bit inside of you.

This experience is also true for just life with all its different transitions and life phases.
New job, graduating from college, getting married, having a child, retiring.
We think we know life and yet we always have to discover that there are new facets to it every day. 
Different good or different bad?
Hopefully good.
And new and exciting.

[31 Days] Day 2 View

It’s Day 2 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here.
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After a sad goodbye and completely overweight bags in Frankfurt we got on a plan heading south. We got stuck in Brussels and were between nervous, tired, and excited for what would await us.


Eventually, late at night, we got into Entebbe, Uganda. 
We stepped onto the airfield into the African night. 

The first glimpse of African soil. 

The first smell of smoked fish and red sand. 
The first breeze of fresh air from Lake Victoria.


The next day we could see things at day light. 

The first drive into the city, crowded with people, cars, motor bikes, and chicken running around . 

And then the two hour drive on streets full of potholes and stones. 

Seeing banana plants and cheering people. 
And finally the first view of the place I’d be calling home for the next two years. 


I will always remember that first view. 

There’s nothing like seeing Africa for the first time. 
Even when I returned to the continent six years later to South Africa it was the exact same feeling.
That first view is enough. 

Enough to welcome me, to feel like where I’m supposed to be.

What are your first memories when you stepped onto new ground?

[31 Days] Day 1 Move

It’s October and the writing adventure begins….It’s Day 1 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here.

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I thought my dad was out of his mind. 
He couldn’t be serious.

“We are going to move to Uganda. I feel that God has called me to do ministry there.”

A phrase TCKs are all too familiar with. Move.
The sentence after might differ, may it be that the parents felt called by God. 
May it be that their assignment within the military had changed. 
May it be that some new fancy business or diplomatic position was awaiting them.

The result is the same. 
They’re going to move and you as their child have to move, too.
Pack your things yet again, fit all your belongings into one suitcase. 
It’s not your first time, so you’re an expert in that already.
Saying goodbye to friends and places once more, not knowing if or when you’ll ever see them again.

I didn’t want to move, didn’t want to step out into the world again. 
I was a teenager who had just changed schools and discovered new places, friends, music, teenage culture. 
I didn’t want to leave the thing behind I had called home.  
I wasn’t ready for this feeling.

It’s that feeling of being pulled by the roots, forcefully removed from a place of comfort. 

About to be planted into unknown ground.
That mixture of wild emotions, somewhere between anger, sadness, despair. 
And a tiny bit of hope. 
Hope that your roots will touch new and better ground.
And so it begins.

(I have to add that this was just the very beginning of the journey, about a year before we actually left for Uganda. In that year God surely worked miracles in all three of us children. He turned our rejection into excitement and we were finally ready to go; yes, actually wanted to go. Miracles still do happen, folks.) 

How did your parents tell you about moves? What were your reactions? 

Welcome to 31 Days!



Welcome to 31 Days in the Life of a TCK!

In the midst of state board examinations, organizing weddings and birthdays I have boldly accepted the challenge of writing every day in the month of October. 
Yup, we’ll see how it goes…:)

However, I am not alone in this endeavor: I am linking up with Kate Motaung, who you might know as host of Five Minute Friday
The posts won’t be that long so you can read along easily. You can find the direct links to individual posts below.
And of course, there will still be normal Five Minute Friday posts on Fridays. 🙂  

I am also linking up with TheNester, the platform for all the people taking part in the challenge as well. There are about 1000 of them writing on all kinds of topics – why don’t you go check out a few of them!

The topic I have chosen for this challenge is 31 Days in the Life of a TCK.

TCK stands for Third Culture Kids – people who grew up in multiple cultures, incorporating different elements in their lives, feeling they could belong everywhere and nowhere. You will hear stories about the different stages in my life (Germany-Uganda-Germany-South Africa-Germany-USA-Germany-…) and what I have learned along the way. You will get a glimpse into what it means to live between worlds and what TCKs might enjoy or struggle with. Even better, I hope to get some other voices of dear friends on board, too. Different countries, but with similar experiences and great insight. 
You can find more information on TCKs here. Otherwise just ask! 

I hope you enjoy going on this journey with me! 
I am not just writing for myself, but would love to hear from you. So share your questions, thoughts, experiences…



What a Computer Screen Can and Cannot Do for your Nostalgia over at CAB

Today I am featured with part one of a mini-series on nostalgia at Marilyn Gardner’s blog “Communicating Across Boundaries”. Stay tuned for part two next week. Thanks for the opportunity to share!
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We live in a world that has grown closer together, as one definition of globalization puts it.
People around me say they don’t have to go anywhere because the world is right at their doorstep. They can choose their dinner menu from at least ten different cultures, and music found by one click online sets the right tone. What’s the big deal with travelling? Others are travel maniacs. Get on a plane and within ten hours (or less, depending on where you live) you’re in a completely different world. People go on vacation to exotic places, spend two weeks in a hotel/beach landscape, and say they know a place.
Read more over at Communicating Across Boundaries

[Five Minute Friday] Change

We can try as hard as we want – we can’t stop it. Change.
No matter how many plastic surgeries you’ll have, your body will eventually bear the features of age.
No matter how much money you spend on a house, you’ll die in it one day.
No matter how much you care for your children, they will leave home one day.
No matter how many friends you have or how often you meet for coffee, they will move away one day or you might move on.

Change is everywhere. Some of it we can delay, most of it is out of our control.

As a TCK change almost seems to be part of your genes.
There’s a voice inside of you saying, “you cannot go a year without change. Two years in one place is already too long. Just wait for it, your friends will move anyway. You can’t stay here.”

As I move into this new phase of my life , I find a certain reluctance to change inside of me.
I don’t want to change anymore.
The thing I loved about being a TCK – the moving – feels strange and exhausting to me out of a sudden. At least for the moment.
There is this yearning inside of me to just be.
To just stay where I am.
At least for now.

I guess we need both.
We need to change, it will happen if we want it or not.
To change is to live.
So rather embrace it than just be shaped by it.
Appreciate the way things we get to experience now.

In all of this we need a firm place to root ourselves.
A place that doesn’t change.
A person we can go back to when change breaks us apart.
The One who says about himself “I am the same – yesterday, today, and forever.”

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Linking up with Kate Motaung today over at Five Minute Friday!

TCKs and the Mirror of Erised

When I was a teenager I read the Harry Potter series and I am currently listening to the audio books as a nice distraction from studying for my finals. 🙂

In the first book “Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” the young boy Harry is given the news that he’s a wizard. 

His life changes within seconds: he is not just the forgotten orphan who never met his parents; he is now part of a new family at the Hogwarts school, with real friends and an adventurous lifestyle.

And then there’s this one scene in which Harry wanders the dark corridors of the castle one night and discovers the Mirror of Erised. 

Harry looks in the mirror and he’s suddenly surrounded by his mother and father – the people he never really met and misses the most. 
It’s such a sweet description of this eleven year old boy relishing a moment with his family and finally a sense of belonging. 
But when he shows his best friend Ron and he looks in the mirror he doesn’t see any of this. Instead, he sees himself as head of Griffindor house and Quidditch captain. He finally feels special since he normally has to fight for attention as one of five boys in a big family.

The Mirror of Erised is not an ordinary mirror. 

It doesn’t show you what is. 
It reveals your deepest desires, no matter how deep they might be hidden in your heart.
Yet, as soon as you take a step back the illusion is gone and you’re face to face with reality again.


Harry just can’t stop looking in that mirror. Night after night he goes back to see himself and relive the idea of a perfect family. But in the third night Dumbledore, the headmaster, finds Harry and tells him that “this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth.” Eventually, Harry will have to take that step back into reality.


I feel like Harry sometimes. 

I am still surprised how much this relates to what many TCKs feel like. 
There’s this deep desire within us to belong. 
To be understood. 
To be ourselves without explanation or excuse. 
Sometimes the ache for people and places we had to leave behind is physically painful. 
All we want to do is to jump on a plane, fly to one of the places we call home, meet familiar faces, and feel that everything’s going to be fine. 
We can spend hours looking at pictures of what used to be. 
We harbor that warm feeling spending time in the past gives us. 
Skype calls with friends half across the globe better never end. 
Night after night we could go back and look into our Mirror of Erised.

But we can’t stay there forever. 

We, too, need a Dumbledore calling us back and guiding us through the reality of the present. We sometimes need this gentle reminder that our past façades don’t offer us anything. 
There’s no knowledge of truth in them. And unfortunately not much comfort either. 
They only increase the desire because whenever we put down our photographs, shut off our computer, or leave our houses we are still here. 
In the present, in reality.
What a disillusionment to let go. All enchantment’s gone within seconds.


But the reality we’re left with is not just bleak and empty. 

It is full of opportunities we’re supposed to seize. The gifts of the past we had the privilege to enjoy were not given to us in vain; they made us fit to take up the challenges of the present and turn them into an even better future. 
The things we endure and accomplish, the people we invest in today are the very memories we will dwell on tomorrow.

So let’s do it together. 

Let’s take a step back from the mirror. 
Let’s choose to face reality and the challenges it puts before us today. 
Let’s be grateful for our past, give into desires from time to time, and be even more excited for the future.

Als Teenager habe ich die Harry Potter Reihe gelesen und gerade höre ich die Hörbucher, das ist eine schöne Abwechslung nach einem langen Lerntag…:)

Im ersten Buch “Harry Potter und der Stein der Weisen” erhält der junge Harry die Nachricht, dass er ein Zauberer ist. Sein Leben ändert sich in Sekundenschnelle: er ist nicht mehr nur der vergessene Waisenjunge, der seine Eltern nie kennengelernt hat; er ist jetzt Teil einer neuen Familie in Hogwarts mit echten Freunden und einem abenteuerlichen Leben.
Und dann gibt es diese eine Szene, in der Harry eines Nachts die langen dunklen Korridore entlangläuft und den Spiegel von Erised entdeckt. Harry schaut in den Spiegel und ist plötzlich von seinen Eltern umgeben – den Leuten, die er nie kennengelernt hat und am meisten vermisst. Eine wirklich schöne Beschreibung, wie dieser elfjährige Junge einen Moment mit seiner Familie genießt, endlich fühlt er sich zuhause.
Aber wenn er den Spiegel seinem Freund Ron zeigt und der hineinsieht, sieht er nichts davon. Stattdessen sieht er sich selbst als Anführer von Griffindor und Quidditch Kapitän. Endlich fühlt er sich besonders, da er sonst immer um Aufmerksamkeit kämpfen muss als einer von fünf Jungs in einer Großfamilie.

Der Spiegel von Erised ist kein gewöhnlicher Spiegel. Er zeigt dir nicht, was ist. Er enthüllt deine tiefsten Sehnsüchte, egal wie tief sie in deinem Herzen vergraben sind. Aber sobald du einen Schritt zurückgehst, ist die Illusion weg und du stehst wieder der Realität gegenüber.

Harry kann aber nicht aufhören, in den Spiegel zu blicken. Nacht für Nacht kehrt er zurück, um sich selbst zu sehen und die Idee einer perfekten Familie wiederzuerleben. In der dritten Nacht kommt Dumbledore, der Schulleiter, vorbei und sagt Harry, dass “dieser Spiegel uns weder Wissen noch Wahrheit gibt.” Harry muss also irgendwann den Schritt zurück in die Realität machen. 

Ich fühle mich manchmal wie Harry. Und ich wunder mich immer noch, wie sehr das mit dem zu tun hat, wie es vielen TCKs oft geht. 

In uns ist diese Sehnsucht, dazu zu gehören.
Verstanden zu werden.
Wir selbst zu sein ohne Erklärung oder Ausrede.
Manchmal können wir den Schmerz förmlich spüren, da wir Leute so sehr vermissen, die wir zurücklassen mussten. Wir wollen einfach nur in ein Flugzeug steigen und an einen der Orte fliegen, die wir Zuhause nennen, bekannte Gesichter sehen und das Gefühl haben, dass alles gut werden wird.
Wir könnten Stunden damit verbringen, Bilder anzuschauen von Dingen, wie sie einmal waren. Wir bewahren dieses warme Gefühl in uns, das die Vergangenheit uns gibt. Und Skype Anrufe mit Freunden am andern Ende der Welt sollten am Besten nie aufhören. Nacht für Nacht kehren wir zurück und schauen in unseren Spiegel von Erised.

Aber wir können nicht für immer dort bleiben.

Wir brauchen auch einen Dumbledore, der uns zurückruft und in die Realität der Gegenwart führt. Wir brauchen manchmal diese sanfte Erinnerung, dass die Fassaden der Vergangenheit nichts für uns zu bieten haben, es ist kein Wissen oder Wahrheit in ihnen. Und leider auch nicht wirklich viel Trost. Sie verstärken eigentlich nur die Sehnsucht, denn wenn immer wir unsere Fotos weglegen, unseren Computer ausmachen oder unser Haus verlassen, sind wir immer noch hier.
In der Gegenwart, in der Realität. Es ist schwer, loszulassen. Aller Zauber ist innerhalb von Sekunden einfach verschwunden.

Aber die Gegenwart, die uns bleibt, ist nicht einfach nur leer. Sie ist voller Möglichkeiten, die wir ergreifen sollen. Die Geschenke der Vergangenheit, die wie erleben durften, wurden uns nicht umsonst gegeben; sie haben uns bereit gemacht, um die Herausforderungen der Gegenwart anzugehen und sie in eine bessere Zukunft zu verwandeln. 

Die Dinge, die wir aushalten und meistern, die Leute, in die wir heute investieren – das sind die Erinnerungen, die wir morgen in Ehren halten. 
Also lass es uns zusammen tun. Lass uns einen Schritt zurück treten, weg vom Spiegel. 
Lass uns bewusst die Realität sehen und die Herausforderungen, die sie uns heute stellt. Lass uns dankbar sein für unsere Vergangenheit, manchmal der Sehnsucht nachgeben, und noch gespannter auf die Zukunft sein. 

[Five Minute Friday] Belong

It was nearly twelve years ago.
We had just come back to Germany, and even though it had only been two years – this time in Uganda had turned my world upside down. I had left as a child and came back as an adult.

Now I sat in a classroom with people I didn’t know, who spoke of things I didn’t know.
I paid with a currency I didn’t know as ‘German’.
I didn’t laugh at any jokes because I had no idea what ‘normal’ teenagers would laugh at.
I was incredibly tired of people asking me how Uganda had been (Have you seen elephants and snakes? Did you kill a lion? Do you speak ‘African’ now?), but as soon as I said no, they lost interest.

I felt utterly lost and in the wrong place.
All I wanted was to belong.
Isn’t that what we all want? I believe it’s a core longing in a human being.
To know who I was, what I could and couldn’t do.
To be me and others to be okay with it.

And it happened.
On a camp in the middle of nowhere, on a weekend with a lot of rain.
A group of people who had grown up in Russia, Brazil, Tanzania, or Egypt – all stranded in their ‘home culture’ Germany and having now clue about anything.
As soon as we started talking we clicked.
No matter where you have lived, no matter how long you’ve been gone, no matter how old you are – you are one of them.

We are all Third Culture Kids.
We feel lost in every single culture we have lived in, as if we don’t fit in any of them.
So we build our own space where we can find safety; a place we can call home.
Where we can be ourselves, as crazy, funny, or sad it might be.

This is a place to belong. And it is to this day.
Faces might have changed, people have grown up.
But as soon as I meet fellow TCKs face-to-face or via email/phone/skype, it is always the same feeling.
A feeling of belonging. Of family. Of home.

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An hommage to my beloved TCK family – but I am also linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday. One word. Write for five minutes. Don’t edit and share!

[Five Minute Friday] Close

I don’t find it easy to be close to people.
I meet new people at every place I go, and it takes a while to get to know some of them.
And it takes even longer to be close to even fewer of them.
It takes time, energy, and lots of perseverance.
And there is lots of failure. You cannot force someone to let you come close.
You cannot beam yourself close to someone else. So at times we might run against a wall.

It takes courage.
To try again, to ask questions.
To wait. To listen.
And to open up.
Getting close to someone else might start with allowing someone else to come close to me.
Just a tiny peek through the wall I so carefully built around myself.
Just a little glimpse into my heart.
How close do I want others to come?
Am I willing to let others see in me what I so want to see in them?

Let’s open our doors and hearts today, let others come close. And you’ll come closer to them.

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One prompt word. Write for five minutes flat. Connect with writers over at Lisa-Jo Baker!