November 2014

[Advent] New Series: Waiting for Him

No matter how hard I try and work it’s the same thing every year: It’s Christmas and I can’t wait for it to be over.
It gets dark around 5pm already, the air is colder, and you can see your own breath.
You start putting on layer after layer before you go outside.
You walk around town, which is decorated with beautiful Christmas lights and somehow sets the stage for another round of hectic and exhausting shopping for Christmas presents.
You wrack your brain trying to find the perfect gift for everyone in the family and wonder which friends are close (and get a present) and which ones will get a card.
You bake cookies and eat a lot of sweet stuff.
You listen to Christmas music, but by the time Christmas Eve is here you can’t stand the tunes anymore.

You sit down at the tree and realize: It’s Christmas.
But where is your heart? Where has it been all these weeks before?

In Germany the season of Advent is quite important.
Christmas is not just an event happening out of the blue; it is a season and starts about four weeks before the actual event.
Advent is a time of waiting.
A time of preparation.
A time of excitement.
A time of Vorfreude (a German term, meaning “pre-joy”, the joy and excitement building up to an event).

This year I don’t only want to celebrate Christmas, I want to live Advent, too.
Wait intentionally. Because in the end, waiting might be about something bigger.

I want to discover what I am waiting for and what my expectations are.

I want to observe what I do while I’m waiting and see how waiting is also a reminder of the bigger picture we live in.

Waiting is a spiritual discipline we might have to relearn, and our waiting is ultimately a yearning for the day when all promises and expectations are fulfilled, joy is complete, and fellowship is eternal.

I want to prepare myself for Christmas and feel a little bit of that joy again that is so often drowned in stress and cheap Christmas tunes.I want to rediscover a bit of that childlike spirit within me – a child that doesn’t give in to shopping pressures and exhaustion, but decides to listen intentionally, takes pleasure in the little things, and feels a certain excitement building up inside.

So today I am launching a new series: Waiting for Him.
In the next few weeks until Christmas you can expect a few thoughts, devotions, but also stories and Christmas traditions that might help us to make the waiting and preparing a bit more intentional. Why don’t you subscribe by email and read along?
I am looking forward to living Advent with you and I hope we allow our hearts to come along as well!

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Egal, wie sehr ich es versuche, ist es doch jedes Jahr dasselbe: Es ist Weihnachten und ich hoffe nur, dass es bald vorbei ist.
Es wird nun bereits um 5 Uhr dunkel, die Luft ist kälter und man sieht seinen eigenen Atem.
Man muss wieder eine Schicht nach der anderen anziehen, wenn man rausgeht. Man läuft durch die Stadt, die mit tollen Lichtern dekoriert ist und irgendwie die Kulisse bietet für eine weitere Runde vollem hektischen und nervigen Geschenke einkaufen.
Man zerbricht sich den Kopf, damit jeder das perfekte Geschenk bekommt und fragt sich, welche engen Freunde etwas bekommen und welcher Bekannte eine Karte erhält.
Man backt Plätzchen und isst genauso viele.
Man hört Weihnachtslieder, aber bis zum Heiligen Abend kann man die meisten davon nicht mehr hören.

Und dann sitzt man am Baum und merkt: Es ist Weihnachten.
Aber wo ist dein Herz? Wo war es all die Wochen davor?

In Deutschland ist Advent sehr wichtig.
Weihnachten passiert nicht einfach so; es ist eine Jahreszeit und beginnt bereits vier Wochen vorher.
Advent ist eine Zeit des Wartens.
Eine Zeit der Vorbereitung.
Eine Zeit der Aufregung.
Eine Zeit der Vorfreude.

Dieses Jahr möchte ich nicht nur Weihnachten feiern, sondern auch Advent leben.
Bewusst warten. Denn am Ende ist Warten vielleicht Teil von etwas Größerem.
Ich möchte herausfinden, warum ich warte und was meine Erwartungen sind.
Ich möchte überlegen, was ich während des Wartens tue und wie dieses Warten eine Erinnerung ist für das größere Bild.
Warten ist eine geistliche Disziplin, die wir vielleicht wieder erlernen müssen, und unser Warten ist schlussendlich ein Sehnen nach dem Tag, an dem alle Erwartungen und Versprechen erfüllt, Freude vollkommen, und Gemeinschaft ewig sein werden.
Ich möchte mich auf Weihnachten vorbereiten und ein bisschen was von der Freude zurückholen, die so oft in billigen Weihnachtsschlagern erdrückt wird.
Ich möchte ein bisschen des kindlichen Geistes in mir wieder entdecken – wie ein Kind, das nicht dem Einkaufsdruck und der Erschöpfung nachgibt, sondern bewusst hört, sich an den kleinen Dingen freut und die Vorfreude in sich aufsteigen fühlt.

Deswegen beginne ich heute eine neue Serie: Auf Ihn warten.
In den nächsten Wochen bis Weihnachten erwarten dich ein paar Gedanken, Andachten, aber auch Geschichten und Weihnachtstraditionen, die uns helfen, das Warten und Vorbereiten etwas bewusster zu machen. Warum nicht abbonieren und mitlesen?
Ich freue mich auf den Advent und hoffe, du und dein Herz sind auch mit dabei!

[Five Minute Friday] Give

I cooked Thanksgiving Dinner for my family yesterday.
For the first time.
In Germany we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, but I enjoyed this tradition in the States, so I brought it over and thought my family would like it, too.

We should have Thanksgiving more often.

As I was standing in the kitchen almost all day I was really looking forward to the evening.
Eating lots of good food and spending time with family.
I didn’t look at all the work.
I didn’t look at all the time and energy I invested.
I was happy and excited to give.
Seeing their happy faces and hearing their “O my gosh, this is such good food! We should have Thanksgiving more often!” I was glad.
Giving can be so rewarding.

The thought that crossed my mind several times was, “We should invite more people.”
Not only is it good food, there’s something about sharing meals and fellowship you can’t really explain. It is a gift we accept and give not often enough.
Even though this world is in such desperate need of it.

While I was cooking I was reminded of a story in the bible.
A man prepares a big feast but none of his invited guests shows up.
Instead of pouting he goes and invites people from the streets. Strangers. People who really needed and enjoyed a good meal. People who made this feast a most memorable moment and probably turning point in this man’s life.

And if my table and hands are full – where are the people on the streets I can invite and give to?
Where is the lonely neighbor that might enjoy a night of fellowship?
Where is the stressed out mother that could really use a day off?
Where is the friend that needs cheering up in the form of turkey and apple pie?

Let’s be grateful that we can give.
It doesn’t take much to turn someone’s day around or make it better.
We have been given more than enough, and only if we give to others we realize the true joy of it.

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I am linking up with Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday today. Five Minutes of Writing. No Editing. Much sharing and encouraging.

[Five Minute Friday] Notice

I have a hobby I don’t always take the time for.
But when I do it, it’s always very fulfilling and interesting.
I like to watch people.
After a full day of shopping or just running around town, it feels good to sit down, have a cup of coffee, and just watch people.
The other day I met with a friend and we sat there for about two hours just watching.

We were in a new city, but even if you are in your own town you’ll notice so many things.
There are so many people on the streets you’ve never seen before.
Every day you walk these streets, and yet you’ll never be able to have seen everyone in this town!

There are single people. Couples walking hand in hand.
Wives dragging along their husbands into yet another shop.
There are children window shopping for toys and candy.
There are senior couples taking it slow.
There are three old ladies who enjoy a night out in town as if they were just 22 years old (these three seriously made me laugh and hope I will be like this one day!).

You notice so many things around you if you take the time to stand still for a while.
Each of these people has a story, a life behind this moment I get a glimpse of.
I am overwhelmed by seeing everyone.
Trying to figure out how they live, what brought them here today, how they might feel.

And then I am reminded of my heavenly Father who says of himself that he notices everything and everyone.
He sees more than a glimpse.
He sees your whole life, your deepest feelings, the full story.
And YOUR story matters to Him.

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It’s Friday, so I am linking up with a great group of writers over at Kate Motaung‘s place. Come on over and read some more inspirational thoughts!

So…what’s next?

I had my last exam on Monday.
This means I graduated. I am done with uni.
After a year of getting up early, studying several hours a day, and exam over exam I am finally finished.

For the last few weeks people have been asking me how I feel.
Relieved? Happy? Free? Excited?
To be honest, my answer was no.
Here’s how I feel: I am afraid.
Terrified and uncertain.
Not sure of the future and myself anymore.
About to step out on the waters and doubting how crazy the waves are going to be.
Between knowing and not knowing.

I remember feeling like that after I graduated from high school.
Leaving the old, known world behind.
Stepping outside the comfortable system of school.
Leaving behind the security of knowing who I was, who those around me where, and how I was supposed to act and behave.
I thought I could never fit into another system again.

But I did.
I entered university and was shocked to hear I would have to study for five years.
Five long years in one place.
These long years became very short.
And they were filled with lots of friendships, meeting wonderful people and being incredibly blessed by what they bring to my life.
There were many hours of reading and “aha” moments along the way. I must say I liked digging into theories, exploring complexities, and ending up with new knowledge.
I liked studying and being nerdy sometimes.
There, I said it. I will miss this place.

But these years were also filled with quite a bit of challenges, disappointments and tough realizations. The growth I experienced in the last five years didn’t come cheap, but mostly through struggle and endurance.
These five years shaped me and taught me how to be, act, and behave in this new phase of my life.
And now they are over.

I am once again at a crossroads in my life, leaving behind the old and awaiting the new.
So what’s next is taking my time.
Time to look back at what I leave behind.
To be grateful for the many blessings and experiences.
To seek true rest and enough stillness to hear the Lord’s voice again. One of the hardest and most needed things. If I don’t do it now I might never do it and I will hit rock bottom again and again.

It might take some time to allow my heart to disengage from the old and prepare itself for the new.
And then hopefully the feeling of fear and uncertainty will make way for true joy and excitement. There is a new system and a new me waiting out there, and it might just get better. Even though uni is over I will continue learning. From people and from life.

I guess many of these thoughts are true for all those finding themselves at a crossroads in life. Some sort of transition into a new country, culture, or phase of life.
Know that it’s okay to take your time.
Disengage properly, so you can be ready for what’s to come.
I would love to hear your experiences!

Okay…for all who were wondering: Those are some of the thoughts floating around in my mind at the moment. I will update you shortly on what the next steps will look like in practice…

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Am Montag hatte ich meine letzte Prüfung.
Das heißt, ich habe nun meinen Abschluss, die Uni ist vorbei.
Nach einem Jahr früh aufstehen, mehrere Stunden am Tag lernen und einem Examen nach dem anderen bin ich endlich fertig.

Die letzten Wochen haben mich Leute gefragt, wie ich mich fühle.
Erleichtert? Froh? Frei? Aufgeregt?
Ehrlich gesagt, war meine Antwort nein.
So fühle ich mich: Ich habe Angst.
Ich fühle mich unsicher und fürchte mich.
Ich habe keine Ahnung, wer ich bin oder wie die Zukunft wird.
Ich fühle mich, als ob ich aufs Wasser gehe und zweifle, wie krass die Wellen um mich schlagen werden. So zwischen wissen und nicht wissen.

Ich erinnere mich, dass es mir ähnlich ging, damals nach dem Abitur.
Ich ließ die alte vertraute Welt hinter mir. Ich ging hinaus aus dem bequemen Schulsystem und ließ damit die Sicherheit zurück, zu wissen, wer ich war, wer die Leute um mich herum waren und wie ich mich zu verhalten hatte.
Ich dachte, ich würde nie wieder in ein System reinpassen.

Aber genau das passierte.
Ich begann das Studium und war schockiert zu hören, dass es fünf Jahre dauern würde.
Fünf lange Jahre an einem Ort.
Diese langen Jahre wurden plötzlich aber ganz kurz.
Und sie waren gefüllt mit vielen Freundschaften, ich habe wunderbare menschen getroffen und wurde so gesegnet mit dem, was sie in mein Leben gebracht haben.
Es waren viele Stunden voll mit Lesen und Aha-Momenten. Ich muss sagen, mir macht es Spaß, mich in Theorien und komplexe Dinge hineinzudenken und am Ende mehr Wissen zu haben. Okay, ich sag es einfach: Ich werde diesen Ort vermissen.

Aber diese Jahre waren auch voller Herausforderungen, Enttäuschungen und harten Eingeständnissen. Das Wachstum, das ich in den letzten fünf Jahren erlebt habe, war nicht billig, sondern kam vor allem durch Kämpfe und Ausdauer. Diese fünf Jahre haben mich geprägt und mich gelehrt zu sein und zu handeln in dieser neuen Phase meines Lebens.
Und jetzt sind sie vorbei.

Ich stehe mal wieder an einer Kreuzung in meinem Leben, lasse das Alte zurück und warte auf das Neue.
Was also als nächstes kommt ist Zeit. Ich nehme mir Zeit.
Zeit, um auf das zurückzuschauen, was ich zurücklassen.
Um dankbar zu sein für die vielen Erfahrungen und Segen.
Um wirkliche Ruhe zu suchen und genug Stille, um Gottes Stimme wieder zu hören. DAs ist eins der meistgewollten und auch der härtesten Dinge. Aber wenn ich es jetzt nicht tue, werde ich es vielleicht nie tun und immer wieder hinfallen.

Es dauert vielleicht eine Weile, meinem Herz zu erlauben, sich bewusst vom Alten loszulösen und sich auf das Neue vorzubereiten.
Und dann wird hoffentlich das Gefühl der Angst und Unsicherheit Platz machen für wahre Freude und Spannung. Es gibt ein neues System da draußen, das auf mich wartet und es wird wahrscheinlich nur besser. Obwohl die Uni vorbei ist, lerne ich weiter. Von menschen und vom Leben.

Wahrscheinlich sind die meisten dieser Gedanken ähnlich für all diejenigen, die auch an einer Kreuzung in ihrem Leben stehen. Irgendeine Art von Übergang in ein neues Land, Kultur oder Lebensphase.
Es ist okay, dass du Zeit brauchst. Löse dich gut und vollständig, damit du bereit bist für das, was kommt.
Ich würde gerne deine Erfahrungen hören!

Okay…für alle Fragenden: Das sind ein paar der Gedanken, die mir gerade im Kopf rumgehen. Aber bald gibt’s mehr, wie das Ganze in der Praxis aussieht….

[Five Minute Friday] Still

Do you hear that?
Nothing.
Silence.
Stillness.

This week has been somewhat strange.
After an immensely busy year it is the first time I paused.
After a year of studying I could wake up in the morning and do nothing. Or whatever I wanted.
Well, I got sick. Back pain kept me in bed for most of the week and I was forced to rest.
To be still.
And I realized I am really bad at it.

The thing I had yearned for was finally here.
That feeling I had looked forward to all year whenever things were just too much for me: “Soon you’ll be off and can be still”. Well, here it is.
And I don’t know how to handle it.
I am actually quite afraid of it.

I am between wanting and not wanting.
So wanting to get out of my busy life, away from the voices and tasks and things thrown at me.
Shutting off the sounds that make it impossible for me to hear what’s really important.
Being attentive to God’s whisper once again.
So anxious of really being still.
Cutting everything off and being left with…nothing.
Afraid that the stillness will not lead to something.
That God won’t show up.
That I am not willing to go far enough.

It is a challenge to be still.
It is hard to really seek stillness.
And yet I think we sometimes need to let go of the not wanting and walk towards the wanting.
Cut off some of the noise and expect HIM to come out of the stillness.
Because if I am still, really still, I can hear him calling.
Can you hear it, too?

(I am off for two months now before student teaching begins, and I am looking forward – with an incredibly anxious and wanting heart – to a time of rest and stillness. I don’t know what will happen, but I definitely want to try and listen to the call.)

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Once again I am linking up with a fabulous writer community over at Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday – come and join us!

[Five Minute Friday] Turn

I love driving.
Cruising on African sand roads and navigating the potholes is one of the most exhilarating experiences in life.
Sometimes, though, driving can be nerve wrecking. Like driving through a city you’ve never been to. With a car full of people and everyone seems to have an opinion on “don’t drive too fast”, “I think we should stop here”, or “look out for the traffic lights”. And then of course, there’s the GPS which has a mind of its own.

Far too quickly I get lost, take the wrong turn and don’t know where I am anymore.
Generally, I have a very good sense of orientation and like to guide people.
Driving and navigating in busy traffic at the same time is really hard. So when I get stuck I need to park somewhere, shut off the engine, figure out where I am and start over.

Sometimes life is like driving.
Every new day is a trip into the unknown, we don’t know the “life city” with all its roads ahead of us. We might have a general road map, but this can change at any minute.
There will be construction sites – things we need to work on which slow us down.
There might be potholes – broken things in our life that get to us again and again.
Or traffic jams – voices all around us, telling us what to do and what not, trying to push us in a certain direction…
We try to get through, we try to navigate this madness called life, but very often we are confused.
We take the wrong turn. And we’re lost.

I have taken quite a few wrong turns in life.
And that’s okay. Life’s not meant to be one straight path.
There will be turns and curves, hills and speeding lanes.
When life gets too busy, when I am lost in traffic or have just taken a wrong turn I stop.
I remember what this “drive” is all about.
I turn towards the One with the master plan, who calms all the other voices and brings peace to my troubled soul.
No matter how many wrong turns I take, He takes them with me, and his grace will lead me home.

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It’s Friday and I am linking up with Kate Motaung and a great community of writers from all around the world. One prompt, five minutes of writing, no editing. Why don’t you join us?

That time I participated in a blogging challenge…

If you’re used to getting a daily email from me last month you might have realized that it was a bit quiet around here for a week. I needed a break after blogging every day in October.
At first I didn’t even want to participate in this #write31days challenge. I had experienced how friends had struggled last year, how it had ‘ruined’ their passion for writing, how time consuming it was. I was in the middle of my state board exams (meaning: studying every day for the most important exam in your career) and October was just a busy month with birthdays, weddings, travels…no way I would have time for elaborate blogging.
But when Kate Motaung put out her prompt words for “31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes” I couldn’t resist. These words just started speaking to my TCK heart and stories, thoughts, ideas came to my mind. And so they ended up in this space.

It’s been an experience, and I thought I would share a few of the lessons I’ve learned from it. I’ll also share some of the blogs I’ve discovered during this challenge, which might be a good read for you, too!

No matter how busy you are, you need a creative outlet!
After a long day with my books and notes it was a really good distraction to put some thoughts on paper. Completely different topics and writing style. Some days were hard and I needed to challenge myself to put thoughts into words, other days were fun and my hands seemed to be dancing on the keyboard. Writing needs time and practice, and these 31 days definitely helped me to get some more flow in my writing.

Blogging is a lot of work.
Luckily I had about two weeks before the challenge started so I pre-wrote some posts already. Coming up with a topic and complete post everyday that fits into an overall series can be really hard sometimes. The challenge offered me a bit of a ‘behind-the-scenes’ view of the blogging world. What does it mean to have a monthly outline for your topic? Who do I link up with? What about graphics, pictures, layout? Suddenly a few written lines of a post turn into a piece of work before you hit ‘publish’. A published post is only the beginning, afterwards there are comments and questions and answers. And then obviously there are thousands of blogs out there you could read. Which ones do you pick? Some of the work I enjoyed, some made me question the concepts behind it.

How much work does it really take?
In the last few years the blogosphere seems to have exploded; everyone can write about almost everything in any space of the internet. I really enjoyed reading a lot of great posts this month, hosted in beautifully created spaces of the web, crafted with powerful words and images. But what does it take to have a blog with good traffic and readers? Simply a good layout? Relevant topics? Pinnable images and tweetable quotes?
I was a bit overwhelmed at all the “advice” other bloggers gave to increase the numbers of readers, turn your blog into a business or book and many other topics. Is it really all about self-advertisement? Do I want to sell myself in this little space I call mine?
These questions lead me back to my motivation for doing all this. Why do I write in the first place and who do I write for?
I don’t want to write for statistics, likes, or tweets. This is not a business with a product called ME. What I want to take away from this challenge is my hope to stay true to myself.
Not losing my voice in numbers of visitors, positive or negative comments, facebook pages, tweets and likes. Instead, what I want to put on paper are my passions, things I struggle with, wonder about. Unfinished thoughts, open questions, lessons learned. They might speak to you in the situation you’re in at the moment. They might say nothing at all to you right now. That’s okay. I am absolutely grateful for everyone who’s been reading along – thank you for all your comments, input, and encouragement! I hope you’ll continue this journey with me, as shaky as it might be…

There’s a blogger community out there!
I’ve linked up with other bloggers before, but this challenge really made me aware of so many amazing writers out there! I had the privilege to have some friends and fellow bloggers join me on my own blog, and I was so blessed by their words, experiences, and wisdom. In case you missed them, please go back and read their work!
Johann shared a poem he wrote on the TCK identity question, Daniel wrote about fears, Katrin contributed a poem about God in the midst of TCK life, Wera did a series on TCKs and restlessness, Rachel told us about her struggles with joining in, and Marilyn gave us an insight on returning to your host country. All of them have fantastic voices and I hope you enjoy their writings!
In the middle of studying and blogging I didn’t have much time to read many of the other bloggers’ works that participated in the challenge, too. Nearly 1600 people joined and wrote about all kinds of topics, ranging from devotions to travel secrets to pumpkin recipes. We all connected on Facebook, and it was good to receive encouragement when things got tough. Plus, I got to discover some amazing writers I wouldn’t have found otherwise! I tried to read a variety of things, but it wasn’t easy to keep up with everything and there are still about a hundred posts in my reader waiting for me. I did however choose to read a few series every day, and I am glad I did!

Here are a few of my picks…

…Kate Motaung: the host of Five Minute Friday wrote on her life in South Africa, which was like homecoming for me. So many stories to relate to and so much to laugh about!

…Liz von Ehrenkrook: We had briefly connected before, but her series really challenged me! She wrote on 31 Days of Breaking Religion, questioning why we believe what we believe and what faith is all about. We had some great discussions and I am so glad we “met”!

…Shelly Miller: Shelly shares the story of her family moving to London, including all the delays, open questions and life’s beauty in between. She has a talent of putting things into beautiful words which often spoke to me. Shelly also hosts “The Sabbath Society” and her emails on Fridays are perfect to start off Sabbath (whatever day you decide to take it).

…Christy Campbell: Christy is a traveler and her series was all about secrets to more adventures in life. Some really great advice in there and even better stories! I am also featured with a guest post.

…Renee Emerson: I am not even close to finishing this series, but the start was so good! Renee and Brian write about writing as an act of worship. Lots of good input and some great practical exercises. Definitely want to continue reading!

…Kristin@theincrediblek: Kristin had 31 days of encouragement on her blog, and even though I haven’t read all of them yet they are really good! Many stories and practical ideas to encourage other people and change your own life on the go.

I hope you have some time to check them out!
31 Days are over but blogging isn’t, and I will continue writing. Not every day, but whenever I feel I need processing…:) So stay tuned for more thoughts soon!