Friends – Page 6

[31 Days] Day 16 Life

It’s Day 16 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here. Don’t forget to subscribe!

Today I am very excited to have Katrin Dubach as a guest. We met while working for the European Youth Congress Mission-Net and got along right away (seems to be a TCK thing J). She writes beautiful poetry, and today she shares a bit of her story and a wonderful piece of her work on TCK life.

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I was excited to start my gap year and I knew it was time for my high school years to end. And yet I was scared and sad.

I was at the airport saying goodbye to them for the last time after our class trip and everyone was telling me that of course we’d see each other again and I didn’t have to cry.

I was really glad I cried, I wanted to cry because for me it was like saying, “I loved this time we had together and I’m going to miss it.”

I’ve said many goodbyes in my life.

I grew up in Mongolia as a missionary kid and went to an international school.

In international communities, saying goodbye is so much a part of our lives.

Relationships are never expected to last for forever, just for their season.

I went to boarding school in Singapore when I was 10 and then with 14 I said goodbye to Asia for good and moved to my passport country Switzerland, where I’ve been living for 5 years now.

At one point in those weeks of change from school to something new in my gap year, I stopped and prayed.

“God I don’t know if I can do this, I don’t know if I have the energy for this life. Saying goodbye so many times, finding new friends so many times, I don’t know if I can take the pain of losing more people close to me.”

God answered me by showing the beauty of this life I’m leading.

The beauty of cherishing the days we’ve been given and the people placed around us.

I came to a point where I knew for myself: I want to live this life fully, to let myself feel life because the joys of life are so worth it, and in God’s strength the pain is bearable.

The Constant

I’m ready to start this life adventure
To let people in,
To hurt, to bleed
Radiant faces of long-lost friends
Tears falling at every goodbye
Memories stored and saved on the way
A portable album of good and of bad
Laughter and hope, joyful tears
Blessings in an immeasurable dimension

Through the tossing and turning
Through up and through down
Next to new and old
Above fear and excitemen
You stand as constant
And it’s Your hand I’ll take,
For this life adventure

[31 Days] Day 15 Away

It’s Day 15 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here. Don’t forget to subscribe!

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Do you have good friends?
The ones you can call in the middle of the night?
The ones you can walk over to for a spontaneous chat?
The ones you can be quiet around and still be understood?
The ones who make you laugh?
The ones who know things about you you’re not when aware of yourself because they grew up with you?
The ones who help you in the small and big crises life can bring?

I hope that we all have at least one friend like that.
You might be able to just walk over to your friend or call at no cost.

Well, TCK friendships are often a bit harder.
We travel a lot and friendships normally have an expiry date.
Far too soon you or the other person mögt away and friendship has to be redefined.

Quite often I discover a desire inside of me to be near my friends.
But where are they?
I don’t always have money to fly around the world and attend a friends wedding.
I first have to think about time difference before I call a friend to tell her good news. When I need a shoulder to lean on, a distant face on a computer screen just isn’t the real deal.

Friendships change so quickly.
As the quote says I sometimes feel like my part is ripped into pieces; everywhere I plant myself I leave a piece of my heart behind with beloved people.
And the more I move the more I yearn for these pieces far away.

But it works.
It’s still worth it planting myself in new places and discovering wonderful new friends. And the scarce time I get to spend with dear friends virtually is still a blessing.
Especially since we know that far away won’t last forever.
One day we will all be together and our hearts will be whole again.

How do you live friendships with people far away?

[Five Minute Friday] Change

We can try as hard as we want – we can’t stop it. Change.
No matter how many plastic surgeries you’ll have, your body will eventually bear the features of age.
No matter how much money you spend on a house, you’ll die in it one day.
No matter how much you care for your children, they will leave home one day.
No matter how many friends you have or how often you meet for coffee, they will move away one day or you might move on.

Change is everywhere. Some of it we can delay, most of it is out of our control.

As a TCK change almost seems to be part of your genes.
There’s a voice inside of you saying, “you cannot go a year without change. Two years in one place is already too long. Just wait for it, your friends will move anyway. You can’t stay here.”

As I move into this new phase of my life , I find a certain reluctance to change inside of me.
I don’t want to change anymore.
The thing I loved about being a TCK – the moving – feels strange and exhausting to me out of a sudden. At least for the moment.
There is this yearning inside of me to just be.
To just stay where I am.
At least for now.

I guess we need both.
We need to change, it will happen if we want it or not.
To change is to live.
So rather embrace it than just be shaped by it.
Appreciate the way things we get to experience now.

In all of this we need a firm place to root ourselves.
A place that doesn’t change.
A person we can go back to when change breaks us apart.
The One who says about himself “I am the same – yesterday, today, and forever.”

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Linking up with Kate Motaung today over at Five Minute Friday!

[Five Minute Friday] Begin

Yesterday was the day.
The day things came to an end.
I had my stateboard exam in English, a five hour exam and then it was done.
I studied five years for this. Now I am one step (and only one more exam) closer to graduation.
It was strange.

Yesterday, my roommate moved out.
We had shared an apartment for three years, enjoyed late night movie and laughter sessions,
lived a bit of life together.
When I got back home last night she was gone.
Her room was completely empty and I could hear my own voice echoing from the plain white walls.
It was strange.

While I feel sad about things coming to an end, I cannot deny a second emotion springing up in my heart: excitement.
Pure joy.
Apprehension of what comes next.

Graduation means stepping out into the world.
Getting a job. Moving on. Let’s see what life throws at me then.
An empty room means a new roommate. Breaking up of old habits, redecorating.
New people, new fun, new ideas.

In German we have a saying, “there’s magic in every new beginning” (Jedem Anfang wohnt ein Zauber inne).
And I am about to find out a little more if that’s true.

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One last time the fabulous Lisa-Jo Baker is hosting Five Minute Friday- thank you!

[Five Minute Friday] Release

My life is crazy busy, every friend trying to meet up with me or trying to contact me knows that (and I am terribly sorry about that!).
But often my mind seems even crazier.
Too many things going on at the same time.
Too many impressions waiting to be processed.
Too many questions wanting to be answered.
Too many stories to tell.

Sometimes I just want it all to stop. To just press pause, process, and then move on.

I need to release some of the thoughts and processes bottled up within me, otherwise I explode.
So I write.

Thoughts come to my mind, frames are filled up with images.
Loose ideas turn into phrases, sentences.
My hands pick up these ideas and translate them onto this virtual piece of paper.
Now they are out there, my thoughts, ideas, fears, and dreams.
And I feel a little more structured and at peace.

But why do I click “publish”? Why do I allow people from all across the world to read my mind?
See a little bit of myself even though they don’t even know me?

Sometimes you have to release a bird to see if it can fly.
You have to release an idea, a thought, a dream, or even something you’re struggling with.
Because sometimes, it comes back to you. In the form of a comment, an email, a personal meet-up. There is people out there who had similar ideas, struggled with the same thoughts, or didn’t dare to voice their fears.
Releasing a piece of my mind, of my story, helped them to release a piece of their soul.

“You never know the true value your story carries until you see it in the eyes of someone else who really needed to hear that story” (borrowed from my very gifted friend Tyler).

So go, release a piece of your mind.
And wait for the piece that will come back to you.

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Releasing a bit of my story today on Five Minute Friday by Lisa-Jo Baker! One word, five minutes of writing, no editing. And sharing with a wonderful community of fellow writers.

[Five Minute Friday] Hands

I’ve been given miracle workers.

They dig deep and work great things.
They carry heavy things and move other things around.
They are formed precisely to hold tiny objects like needles to sew, or open the knots in my shoe laces.

They run smoothly over raw material and create.
They hold a pen and write.
They dance over piano keys and compose.
They touch someone in need and offer comfort.
They hug a long-lost friend and express what some words could not do.

They are held closely together as I pray to the One who is in perfect control.
They are lifted up high to praise the creator of all things, the savior, and the restorer of piece.
They reach out to HIM, the ultimate miracle maker.

My hands are miracle workers.
Every single finger was made for a purpose, and only together my hands can do what they were created to do.
They were tiny when I was young, they might be dirty at times now, and they probably will be wrinkly as I get older.
No matter what, they are miracle workers.
Where can I put them to work today?

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I use my miracle workers of hands to write my thoughts and link up with a community over at Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday. See you there?

[Five Minute Friday] Close

I don’t find it easy to be close to people.
I meet new people at every place I go, and it takes a while to get to know some of them.
And it takes even longer to be close to even fewer of them.
It takes time, energy, and lots of perseverance.
And there is lots of failure. You cannot force someone to let you come close.
You cannot beam yourself close to someone else. So at times we might run against a wall.

It takes courage.
To try again, to ask questions.
To wait. To listen.
And to open up.
Getting close to someone else might start with allowing someone else to come close to me.
Just a tiny peek through the wall I so carefully built around myself.
Just a little glimpse into my heart.
How close do I want others to come?
Am I willing to let others see in me what I so want to see in them?

Let’s open our doors and hearts today, let others come close. And you’ll come closer to them.

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One prompt word. Write for five minutes flat. Connect with writers over at Lisa-Jo Baker!

[Five Minute Friday] Grateful

A friend once told me about this little ‘experiment’: Take a couple of beans and put them in your left pocket in the morning. Whenever you experience something to be grateful for throughout the day, put a bean in your right pocket. At the end of the day, empty the right pocket and count your beans.

Count your blessings and be grateful for all these little things you could experience.

I must admit I have done this maybe twice, but way too often I forget about it.

Not only to take the beans along, but also the kind of view I have on my day.

What am I looking at?

The pile of work in front of me?

The many appointments in my calendar?

The people who challenge me every day?

Or do I have time, energy and the right set of eyes to see the many little blessings in between?

A comfortable bed I can rest in from the day.

The invention of sleep (that’s definitely a good one, God!).

The smell of coffee in the morning.

The sound of birds singing outside my window.

Meeting a friend unexpectedly in the bus and we encourage each other for the day quickly.

The right song at the right time.

The immensity of food in the grocery store, and the blessing/curse for me to choose what I want to eat today.

My family and friends around the world, who send their love via email, phone, text, or visit.

Look around you. What do you see?

Watch out for the little things, because those are the ones that hide the greatest blessings.

Let’s count them and practice to be a little bit more grateful today.

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I’m often grateful for the Internet because it gives me a chance to get in touch with so many of you, and I can share with fellow writers on Lisa-Jo Baker‘s Five Minute Friday!

[Five Minute Friday] Friend

This week’s prompt comes in handy, since I’ve been meaning to write on this anyway.
This post goes out to the wonderful people who have been such a blessing to me in the last few months! I hope that everyone has such friends or can be one to someone else.

The last few weeks, well actually months, have just been crazy.
Caught between writing my MA thesis, preparing for state board exams, organizing a Europe-wide youth congress, trying to keep up with my different lives all across the globe…life has just been a bit too much.

In times like these you find yourself asking the really tough questions.
You find yourself all alone and wonder if you have any friends at all. After years and years of pouring into and giving to friends – where are these people now? When you’re tired of giving, is there someone who gives to you?

I was between feelings of rage and anger towards friends who probably had no idea how I felt. I wanted people to show up and tell me they care. Tell me that they didn’t expect anything from me except ME.
But then again, I also just wanted to be alone since I didn’t want to burden anyone with my messy self. I felt too embarassed to let anyone into my apartment that looked like a construction site.

These last few week, well actually months, have taught me quite a bit about friends.
I had to let go of some old ties and expectations people would never fulfill.
Don’t chase the appreciation of the wrong people, while you might miss out on all the wonderful people along the way.

Cherish those precious little moments where a friend comes through for you.
When you’re allowed to speak your mind, without any make-up on, in your worst clothes (because you have no energy to do laundry).
When a friend is honest with you and tells you to seriously slow down. To escape from mind traps you’ve set for yourself about having to be busy 24-7.
When a friend doesn’t mind the chaos in your appartment, but comes over for dinner and a massage. When other friends cook for you and distract you with a night of laughter.
When someone doesn’t mind you tears of desperation, but simply comforts you with a hug.
When you can unite in prayers via skype and find comfort in the common bond in Christ, no matter how many miles might separate you.

Hey friend, thank you. Thanks for being you and for allowing me to be me.

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After a short Easter break, I am back on Five Minute Friday – go to Lisa-Jo Baker‘s page to read more encouraging stories!

Saudade

The attentive readers might have realized that I added a new label on the right: saudade.
It is a Portugese word and describes a feeling that many TCKs might know all too well.
Its definition says that it is a

“a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, for something other than the present, a turning towards the past or towards the future; not an active discontent or poignant sadness but an indolent dreaming wistfulness.” – In Portugal of 1912, A. F. G. Bell

This feeling of longing for a past home, lost friends or memories of a childhood in a beautiful far-away country can be painful at times, yet so comforting as well.
Ever since I started researching and writing my MA thesis on the topic of nostalgia (the English semi-version of saudade, even though it might not capture the whole meaning) I detect notions of it in myself. Blame it on the TCK past/present/future or the weather or whatever.

My question still remains how I can deal with this aching feeling and longing I have inside of me. Giving in too much doesn’t do any good; it might even hold you back from moving on into the future. Forgetting the past alltogether cannot be the solution either.
How can we remember well, in an uplifting yet not self-destructive way?

I can’t provide a perfect answer, I just wanted to throw some thoughts out and see what y’all come up with.
Do you know the feeling of saudade? What are you most nostalgic about? And how do you deal with it?

One thing I can definitely recommend is a blog I recently discovered. Written by a woman who lived in all kinds of places, raised TCKs, and manages to reflect about her experiences in a great way. She wrote about Saudade, but also other topics. Go check it out!

Aufmerksame Leser haben vielleicht bemerkt, dass ich ein neues Label auf der rechten Seite hinzugefügt habe: saudade.
Das ist ein portugiesisches Wort und beschreibt ein Gefühl, dass viele TCKs wohl gut kennen.
Die Definition sagt, es ist

“ein unbestimmtes und dauerhaftes Verlangen nach etwas, das nicht existieren kann und wird, nach etwas anderem als der Gegenwart; eine Hinwendung zur Vergangenheit oder zur Zukunft; keine aktive Unzufriedenheit oder direkte Traurigkeit, aber doch ein träger, verträumter Wehmut.” (übersetzt aus Portugal 1912, A.F.G.Bell)

Dieses Gefühl des Verlanges nach einem alten Zuhause, verloren geganenen Freunden oder Erinnerungen an eine Kindheit in einem schönen Land weit weg, kann machmal schmerzhaft sein, aber doch so tröstlich zur selben Zeit.
Seitdem ich angefangen habe zu recherchieren und zu schreiben für meine MA Arbeit zum Thema Nostalgie (die dt. Übersetzung von saudade, die aber nur teilweise die gleiche Bedeutung hat), finde ich vieles davon in mir selbst wieder. Vielleicht ist die TCK Vergangenheit/Gegenwart/Zukunft daran schuld, oder das Wetter oder was auch immer.

Meine Frage ist, wie man mit diesem Gefühl in sich umgehen kann. Wenn man ihm zu sehr nachgibt, tut das nicht gut; es kann sogar davon abhalten, vorwärts zu gehen. Die Vergangenheit komplett zu vergessen, kann aber auch nicht die Lösung sein.
Wie können wir uns richtig erinnern, in einer guten, aufbauenden und nicht selbstzerstörerischen Art und Weise?

Ich kann keine perfekte Antwort bieten, ich wollte einfach ein paar Gedanken loswerden. Kennst du das Gefühl von Saudade? Worüber bist du am meisten nostalgisch? Und wie gehst du damit um?
Was ich auf jeden Fall empfehlen kann ist: ein Blog, den ich vor kurzem entdeckt habe. Von einer Frau geschrieben, die schon überall gewohnt hat, TCKs erzogen hat und es schafft, in guter Weise ihre Erfahrungen zu reflektieren. Sie hat auch über Saudade geschrieben und vieles mehr. Schaut mal vorbei!