Just Life – Page 12

[Five Minute Friday] Share

The last year hasn’t been easy for me.
I transitioned into work life and had a lot of growing up to do. There were a lot of firsts and I had a lot to learn.

There were a lot of highs.

Like when a class went really well and I actually had fun with my students.
Like when planning becomes easier and inspiration comes when you need it the most.
Like when students and colleagues are no longer strangers.
Like when I discovered that I am still myself despite all the changes.

Of course, there were also a lot of lows.
Like the pile of work that never seems to end.
Like the looming deadlines that weigh so heavy on my shoulders.
Like the few hours of sleep and the tired legs – a constant reminder how exhausted I am.
Like the expectations others and myself have.
Like the worry that I won’t pass exams and won’t get a job afterwards.
Like the fear of what comes next.

Life is a cycle of ups and downs, highs and lows.
On this journey we are not alone.
In all the craziness I am beyond grateful to have traveling companions.
People who are in the same situation and know what I truly mean when I say I’m stressed.
People who can chip in their advice because they’ve got amazing expertise and turn my twisted thoughts into something logical.
People who cheer me on and understand when not everything goes my way.

They don’t solve my problems.
They just can’t.
But they are willing to share a piece of my life, my thoughts, my heart.
They are just there.
They remind me that this is not the end.
That there is more.
That there is someone who is always there, always ready to share in all of our joys and sorrows.

Who are your traveling companions?
May you have people who journey with you.
Who don’t make everything better, but who are willing to share a bit of your life and point you to the things that really matter.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

It’s Different Now

About a year ago I wrote about my first weeks into the new teaching job. I wondered how I didn’t know who I was anymore because life had changed so much in a few months.

A year ago our school had a winter sports day and I went ice skating with 250 students. I had been at the school for a week and didn’t really know anyone, so it was pretty awkward standing at the ice rink watching students I didn’t know the names of, together with teachers I had just met. Conversations were rare and circled mostly around job-related questions or people kept to themselves. We were the new ones.

This was a year ago.

A few weeks ago we had the same winter sports day and once again I went ice skating. Mostly the same teachers, maybe even the same students.
But it was different this time.
I was standing at the rink, talking to other teachers. They aren’t strangers anymore, they are colleagues. Some of them even friends.
We shared the latest news, exchanged teaching ideas. We laughed at the students on the ice because we knew the stories behind the faces.

“Mrs vD, look at me! I just learned to skate!”
“ Can you take a picture of me?”
“Mrs vD, why aren’t you on the ice? You have to join us!”

So I did. And I was treated with smiling faces of some happy students.

What has changed in that one year?

Yes, I still have to get up quite early, and many mornings it’s a real struggle to get myself out of bed. But I have learned to appreciate the early mornings and have been blessed with so many beautiful sunrises, God’s abundant gift of generosity.

Yes, I am still tired a lot and can’t always stay up late. But I have learned to manage my time well so that work can be done in a reasonable amount of time. I am surprised that lesson planning and all the teaching work does get faster as I gain more experience. I have discovered that I do in fact have time for friends and hobbies. That I have to make time for these in order to remain sane and spiritually healthy.

Yes, I have had to cut short some relationships and my inbox is still ridiculously full with emails of dear friends waiting to hear from me. I have mourned how some relationships have changed over the years. But I have learned that I can also meet great people in new places. I have made some interesting connections with colleagues in the course of the year, they have helped me a lot settle in to this new routine and life. God is present in my mundane, and I often see Him in other people.

Yes, teaching is exhausting. You get the hang of lesson plans and how to be creative in like no time. but there’s still the people. No matter how good your ‘script’ is, it can all fall to pieces when your class doesn’t get what you mean or just has a bad day.

A group of 20-30 youngsters is a bunch of lifestyles, opinions and knowledge and it’s quite an interesting challenge to work with them each week. Each class is different and you can’t predict what’ll happen. This is scary and exciting at the same time.

Most of all, though, the classes are full of people.
Individual human beings, each with their unique biography and life story.
A story that deserves to be heard.

A lesson passes by so quickly and time to listen, really listen, is rare.
I only get to see bits and pieces of my students, but once in a while they allow me a glimpse inside their heart. And I can’t help but find myself wanting to talk to them, to listen and discover more.
These are no longer people I don’t know or some strange kids. These are my kids.

Yes, life has certainly changed quite a bit in the last year.
I have learned so much about life and work and other people.
In all of this, I still know who I am. I am still me, there are just a few new features in my life now.
While some aspects of the job will always be a struggle for me and I won’t always enjoy it, I have discovered that people are the real adventure. They make all the difference.

[Five Minute Friday] Morning

I am a morning person.
I somehow got used to getting up early and learned to appreciate its benefits. You get the gift of a beautiful sunrise and a reminder that today is a new day full of God’s grace.
I love how I can look back on everything I’ve already accomplished around lunchtime. It feels good to get things done.

There’s something special about mornings.
They are sacred moments.
They carry a certain sensation with it.

Each morning is an expectation.
A whole day ahead of me with so many hours to fill.
What will I do with these hours?
I need to get work done, obviously. But there’s always time for meeting a friend, a chat with a colleague, a delicious meal.
Mornings are the beginning of a new day and I am expectant to how it will all play out.
How do you fill your day?

Each morning also carries a bit of fear.
So many hours of precious time in front of me.
What if I ruin it?
What if I look back on the day at night and feel like I haven’t accomplished anything? What if I waste my time?
What if something bad happens today and I wished I never lived through this day?
We can’t stop a day from happening, we have to live through.
Yes, there will be off days, but that’s okay.
Face your fears and face the day.

Most of all, mornings are an invitation.
Make plans for the day, but allow them to be changed.
By a bus you just missed.
By a friend who needs to talk with you.
By a project that needs your attention.
By the Lord who might have something better in mind for you today.
Invite spontaneity into your life.
And invite the Lord to be himself with you today.

What does your morning look like?

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

On Relationships (From a Single’s Perspective)

We were out of bread, so I ran down to the store to get some. I walked past a large pile of flowers in all kinds of shapes and colors. I quickly wondered, “Why do they have so many flowers in the store in the middle of February?”

It instantly dawned on me.
It’s Valentine’s Day on Sunday. The day of happy couples, flower bouquets, over-prized dinners and jewellery gifts.
Why do you need a special day to celebrate love? I hope you show your love for your partner on the other 364 days as well, otherwise you might have a bigger problem than what color of flower to pick, but that’s a different conversation.

A day dreaded by so many singles around the world because it screams in their faces how alone they truly are and how much happier everyone else is simply because they found “The One”.

A day full of sadness and disappointment because another year has passed with unfulfilled desires and an aching heart. Maybe even a sense of failure because you haven’t managed to fulfill the ONE goal in life: to find a partner and start a family.

A day often accompanied by well-meant comments of married friends. Do the following phrases sound familiar to you?
“Being married is the best thing in the world – I really hope you’ll find someone soon.”
“I’m sure God has someone really special for you, just wait for him.”
“This waiting time prepares your character and heart for the person God has for you.”
“Just pray and wait and the Right One will show up.”
“Use your time well and prepare yourself, so you’ll be ready when Mr Right shows up.”
I am sure you have a ton more of these phrases. And if we met up for a couple of beers, you’d probably have even more stories of crushed hopes and dreams, of expectations and desires and failure.

Don’t get me wrong: I might be slightly sarcastic over here (this is just my nature), but I am perfectly acquainted with that ache for someone in my life.
Yes, I believe that marriage is a special bond and a pretty great invention.
Yes, I hope to be married someday.
Yes, I could imagine having a family.

But the older I get and the more relationships I have observed and friends I have counseled over the years, the more respect I have for this whole marriage thing. It is a damn hard piece of work, and romantic notions won’t get us anywhere but disillusionment.
Obviously I can only speak from a girl’s perspective, but I am very interested in comments and additions! So here are my two cents on what is wrong with relationships in our (Christian) society today.

If you’re single you’re missing out.
In the last two years I have been to more than ten weddings. I have rejoiced with the happy couples and enjoyed being part of their journey. I am really glad they found each other. As I said, marriage is a good thing.
What often happens, though, is the ‘Great Disappearance’. Some couples just drop off the face of the earth as soon as they found each other. It’s impossible to meet up with a friend for coffee or plan something because “sorry, I am married now”. It’s a real challenge striking up a conversation which does not permanently involve the husband, the kids, the married life.
It’s as if they have moved on to a higher level, a better world, and left you behind here in this bleak, lonely, single world.

Yes, there are things that can only be enjoyed in a relationship.
Yes, it is a blessing to have a special someone in your life who’ll be closer to you than any friend ever can.
But is it always better?

Of course I have lonely evenings and wish someone was there to comfort me.
Of course I enjoy great things in life and wish someone was there to share them with me.
Of course I’m afraid at times and wish someone was there to hear my unprocessed thoughts.

No matter how many days of loneliness there are, there are far more happy days.
Days when I am glad that it’s just me (and my roommate) in the apartment.
Days when I can sleep in because no one demands my time or attention.
Days when I can do whatever I want whenever I want because I don’t have to check with anyone.
Days when I can travel, move, be spontaneous because I don’t have to fight with anyone over space, money or time.
Being single offers you a lot of opportunities and you should seize them as long as you can.

If you’re single your life is on hold.
I have talked to many single (Christian) girls, read a lot of ‘dating books’ and sat in on quite a few ‘special youth meetings’ – you know the ones where they separate girls and boys for the night to talk about relationships, sex, and stuff.
I don’t know what the guys were told, but the message ringing in my ears from the girls’ meetings was: Save yourself for marriage. Obviously, this was mostly in the sexual context, but included a much larger message.
Life, real life, only starts in marriage, so don’t waste it beforehand. Everything will work itself out in marriage.

And you see, this is where the lie comes in. If real life starts only when you’re married – what is life then before marriage? Un-Life?
People living with this kind of understanding seem to put their life on hold because… marriage. They don’t invest in real intimate relationships because…marriage. They don’t practice honest communication because…marriage. They don’t take risks because…marriage.

Yes, certain things can only be practiced in marriage. You can’t predict how you’ll act as soon as feelings dominate your behavior.
But don’t fool yourself: Your marriage won’t be easy from the start, I can guarantee you that. Your happy clappy dream bubble might burst pretty quickly, and if you’re not ready for that you’ll be left disillusioned and disappointed.
Marriage is a hard piece of work, including a lot of investment and communication skills. These skills don’t come naturally, just because you love someone. So why not use the time you’ve been given now to practice real communication, real investment, real relationships?
Your life is NOW, no matter your relationship status. Go and live it to the fullest.

If you’re single you’re not complete yet.
Along with the lie that singles need to put their lives on hold comes an even greater twist: You cannot live your life to the fullest as a single because you’re still waiting for that special someone. Just listen to love songs in the radio or girls talking.

He’s perfect for me. He has everything I ever wanted. He completes me.

And so girls write their lists of how their Mr Right should look and be like.
They wait and hope that he shows up soon.
They dream of a perfect future with a perfect marriage with a perfect someone.

And so somehow this lie settles in our minds that we need that special someone to make us complete. That without him we are not perfect.
The more I think about it the more confused I am. Sunday after Sunday we sing “Jesus, you alone are enough for me” or “Lord, you’re all I need” in church. And yet when it comes to marriage we believe that we need something, or rather, someone else.
We believe in a God who created a perfect heaven and earth. And then he created man and called them perfect. We are already perfect, pure, and holy. By default, we are complete.

We can’t predict what life will bring. No list and prayer in the world can guarantee that Mr Right will show up. I for one don’t think there’s only this ONE person in the world who’s right for you, anyway, but that’s a different conversation. But you’ll never be truly content with yourself and your life, if you continue to believe that you’re not 100% you, no matter your relationship status.
You are made perfect and complete. The partner is just a gift for you on top of everything.

If you’re single you’re doing something wrong.
These are probably the comments that annoy me the most. “What? You’re single? How’s that possible, such a pretty girl like you?”
Yes, really, how could I? Basically it’s my fault that I am (still) alone.
Maybe I need to go out more to meet more people.
Maybe I need to be more active in my search.
Maybe I need to ‘advertise’ myself more.
Maybe I need to work on myself more so that I am more attractive to others.
Maybe I need to pray more that God will already send Mr Right along.
Maybe I need to wait more intently and patiently.

Of course, you can’t expect anything to happen when you hide in a closet. And yes, sometimes you need to take some of the above steps.
But if we begin to understand that our value and life does not depend on whether or not we have a partner, we might finally start to relax a bit more.
Life is not just about finding a partner. If you’re single you’re not a failure.
Sometimes life is about living in the moment, enjoying what you have right now and learning as much as you can. Be grateful for what and who you have in your life.
If a great guy (or girl) comes along, then take a risk and embark on this adventure called marriage. And if not, then enjoy life to the fullest and discover the many treasures ahead of you.

A quick note to our married friends
I am glad for the many people I have in my life who lead all different kinds of lifestyles. Singles, Couples, Families, Seniors…Life is so diverse and we can learn something from all kinds of people.
What can married people do to encourage their single friends?

Get out of your ‘Couple Bubble’ once in a while and see what life is like on the outside. It might be nice to spend a night out with the girls or have a guy’s thing sometimes. We value the time we can spend together, more than you know.

Talk to us. Don’t stay on the surface or on the ‘my boyfriend, my wife, my kids’ toys’ level. Share something about YOURSELF and show real interest in us. You might appreciate an adult friend and listener more than you’d expect.

Singleness is no disease and we don’t suffer from a permanent identity crisis. So don’t pity us or overwhelm us with rushed comments and assumptions.

As much as we singles enjoy spending time with your kids or observe your marriages we desire your interest in us. No, we are not left behind or not as good as you. We are just in a different phase of life and we have something to give. So invite us into your lives and be willing to learn from us.
Life is a big journey. Some of it we walk together, some we might have to walk alone. Let’s embrace the people and situations around us and discover the many surprises and treasures life has prepared for us.

When Quiet Is the Last Thing I Should Be

A few Fridays ago the prompt for the weekly link-up was quiet. I did write something on it, but it wasn’t my first draft. What ended up on the blog were not the thoughts I had initially when I pondered the prompt a bit.

My first ideas did not seem right at that time, but they have spooked around in my head for a while now and I feel like I have to share them, too. So here are some unscripted thoughts about me no longer wanting to be quiet.

I am a quiet person and very often that’s okay.

But lately I’ve been thinking that sometimes it’s maybe the last thing I should be.

With all the stress and busyness of life going on at the moment I find myself really out of touch with the news.
I scroll down newsfeeds and take in the headlines, but I can’t talk in depth about what’s really going on. There’s thousands upon thousands of refugees coming into the country each month, and I am just overwhelmed with everything that could or should be done.

I want to educate myself and break out of the quietness, but I am often too busy (and sometimes also lazy) to really do it.

With all the hills and valleys I’ve journeyed through in the last year my faith has changed quite a bit. It has grown and the process is not done yet.
I often find myself alone and unable to connect with what I used to call church culture. I don’t want to be awkward and weird, but I also can’t pretend to belong somewhere where I don’t feel right.

This is a challenge when you’re a worship leader and often have no idea what you’re supposed to do up on that stage.
I want to evolve and grow my roots deeper into God, but I am often too afraid to share this with the people I’m supposed to lead.

With all the growing up I’ve had to do in the last two years I often reached my limits. I just couldn’t go on anymore and had to learn that I need help. People who were allowed to see my messy apartment and to hear my confused thoughts. Places where I was allowed to just be and not accomplish anything. Friends who helped me to process out loud and discover a rhythm, rest and beauty again.
I want to grow in community and friendship, but I am often too ashamed to open up and let people in.

The world is not changed by people keeping quiet.

Things in our lives, in our world, in our churches won’t take a turn for the better if we don’t muster up the courage to share our struggles and doubts. Places can’t even begin to change if we don’t shed light on what went wrong in the first place. Hearts can’t be transformed if we don’t fight for new life and intimacy with all the hope and strength that’s left in us.

Here’s to change.
Here’s to speaking up and sharing myself.
Boldy.

[Five Minute Friday] Quiet

Have we met?
We might have met on a conference or congress. We might have met in church. We might have connected through the lovely Five Minute Friday community. We might have run into each other somewhere around the globe.

People often say, “The first impression counts”, and I sometimes wonder what people think when they meet me.

The one who’s always up on some stage.
The talker.
The people person.
The networker.
The leader.

I don’t mind being called that, this is who I am.
But I sometimes wonder how many people know the other side of me.
The side that’s not up on some stage or leading someone.

I sometimes call myself an extro-introvert.
I actually like the quiet.

As much as I love meeting people and coaching them to discover their potential and the beauty around them I want to connect on a deeper level.

As much as I love sharing about things I’ve learned I want to hear.

As much as I sometimes need to get out and seek the crowds I want to appreciate the quiet.

I want to appreciate you.
I value words.

Your words.

Your story you so boldly share and allow me to hear.
That piece of your heart you decide to give away and allow me witness.

The quiet is a safe space where people are ready to open up and connect on a deeper level.
The quiet is a sanctuary where the noises of the world are not allowed to penetrate this peaceful atmosphere.
The quiet is the place where we slow down enough to listen, really listen to each other. Where we sit still and wait.
Where we open up our empty hands and hearts and whisper, “Lord, here we are. Speak.”

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Present

You know why I love language? Because it gives you treasures to dig up and discover. Meanings you haven’t thought of before. Things that make you wonder and smile.

Present.
A noun talking about the time right here and right now.
Yesterday is past and we can’t do anything to change it. We don’t have to forget about it, but we’re not supposed to let it haunt us into today.
Tomorrow is the future and we can’t predict what will happen. Even our best laid plans can be thrown over within seconds.

All we have is right now.

A day of 24 wonderful hours – time to sleep and rest our head after a busy day, time to work and be productive, time to talk to friends and invest in their lives, time to eat and enjoy, time to waste with regretting the past or worrying about the future.

What will you do with your present?

Present.
A noun talking about the gifts we give and receive.
We think of colorful wrapping paper, glittery surfaces and children’s birthday parties.

There’s more.

Presents are the sunrise in the early morning hours, the deep breaths that remind you that you’re alive (still!).
The smell of coffee, the joke of a colleague, the hug of a friend, the warm bed at night.
The conversation that stirs your mind and touches your heart.
The soft whisper of God encouraging you if you’re quiet enough to listen.

What presents have you been given this week?

Be here today. Live in the present and discover its many little presents.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Time

Time.

What a word in a week of very little time. It was the first week after the holidays and I was overwhelmed with everything I had to do. No, time wasn’t really available.

Do you have time?

Yesterday I went to the library to print something and I ran into an old friend. We started some small talk and he had some questions. So we sat down.
“Do you have time for this?”, he asked.
I thought of my to do list, the stacks of papers to organize, the lessons to plan…
“Yes, let’s talk.”
Sometimes you have to make time.

Do you have time?

Time to pause for a moment in your rush to work to inhale the fresh morning air.
Time to recognize the first snowflakes making their way to the ground. Yes, winter has finally made it to Germany.
Time to enjoy the food you’re eating and start a conversation with a colleague about life and faith in a depth you never expected.
Time to take a deep breath and remind yourself that stress is not the end of the world. You can do more than you think.
Time to listen to a friend in need.

Time to hear the Father whispering, “Do you have time, my child, to discover all the little treasures I have hidden in the mundane for you to enjoy?”

Do you have time for the beautiful ordinary this week?

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Making time to write for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Season

Yesterday I went for a walk with a friend. The sun was already down and we were enclosed in darkness. People brushed by us with their faces tucked away in thick winter coats. We wore hats, coats and gloves, but it was still cold.

As we walked the busy streets of our town I realized how much I detest the cold.
I don’t like my whole body shuddering in these low temperatures.
I don’t like tense muscles because I’m shivering so much.
I don’t like wet feet because the beautiful white snow has become some brown disgusting slump.
I don’t like people running past each other, everyone in a hurry to get out of the cold. We’re generally in a bad mood because, well, it’s just too cold.
I don’t like that it’s Advent, but I am way too busy to even slow down, reflect and let Christmas joy settle in my worry-haunted heart.

Since I spent a few years in warmer realms I am naturally inclined towards the sun.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have summer all year round, I would suggest in my dreams.
Recently I’ve come to answer this question with no.

Despite the cold and the moody people, winter has its beauty.
There are lights and the smell of freshly cut branches in the house.
There’s baking Christmas cookies and gathering for tea times with friends.
There are slower songs that bring back memories from all those winters when we were small.

There’s a moment of slowing down, letting go, death.
Creating space for unseen things to grow and unfold.
Practicing patience while waiting for spring to bring back new life and new dreams.

Winter is a moment for the soul to pause and cleanse itself. When the first rays of sun and blossoms break through in spring it is ready to rejoice and take in new life.

Just as nature blossoms and dies we need these seasons to learn, to wait, to grow.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Table

It’s quite unusual for a TCK to think about settling down and owning a home, but sometimes these thoughts pop into my head.
Dreams of a house, a big old house with plenty of rooms to have guests over who don’t have to sleep on the floor.
A large kitchen to cook and experiment.

And a table.

A large table to seat many people.

The people who come to my parents’ house probably remember one thing: being stuck at the table. In a good way.
We have lunch or dinner together and we start talking. And somehow we share and engage and discuss so much that we don’t realize how fast time flies.
Many good memories and thoughts were created at that table.

I want people who come to my house to remember similar things.
For now it’s no big house or large kitchen, but rather a small student apartment (it’s old, though) and a small table with shaky legs.

Nevertheless, I want to make memories.

My table should be a place for good conversations to take place.

A place where people are brave enough to open up and don’t have to keep up a painful façade.
A place where we connect over the simple activity of cooking and eating and experience the Lord’s presence right in the middle of it.

A place where we worship and pray with our songs and stories and realize that the church is right where people gather to break bread and enjoy fellowship with the Lord and each other.

Fellowship is so precious and essential for our spiritual well-being.
We often try to foster it through bigger words or louder songs.
But often it can be as simple as sharing a meal with someone and hearing their story.
You’d be surprised how much you’ll see the Lord in that other person if you decide to listen and break bread with them.

Who can you invite to your table this week?

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.