It’s Different Now

About a year ago I wrote about my first weeks into the new teaching job. I wondered how I didn’t know who I was anymore because life had changed so much in a few months.

A year ago our school had a winter sports day and I went ice skating with 250 students. I had been at the school for a week and didn’t really know anyone, so it was pretty awkward standing at the ice rink watching students I didn’t know the names of, together with teachers I had just met. Conversations were rare and circled mostly around job-related questions or people kept to themselves. We were the new ones.

photo-1447702027526-66133549fbd7This was a year ago.

A few weeks ago we had the same winter sports day and once again I went ice skating. Mostly the same teachers, maybe even the same students.
But it was different this time.
I was standing at the rink, talking to other teachers. They aren’t strangers anymore, they are colleagues. Some of them even friends.
We shared the latest news, exchanged teaching ideas. We laughed at the students on the ice because we knew the stories behind the faces.

“Mrs vD, look at me! I just learned to skate!”
“ Can you take a picture of me?”
“Mrs vD, why aren’t you on the ice? You have to join us!”

So I did. And I was treated with smiling faces of some happy students.

What has changed in that one year?

Yes, I still have to get up quite early, and many mornings it’s a real struggle to get myself out of bed. But I have learned to appreciate the early mornings and have been blessed with so many beautiful sunrises, God’s abundant gift of generosity.

Yes, I am still tired a lot and can’t always stay up late. But I have learned to manage my time well so that work can be done in a reasonable amount of time. I am surprised that lesson planning and all the teaching work does get faster as I gain more experience. I have discovered that I do in fact have time for friends and hobbies. That I have to make time for these in order to remain sane and spiritually healthy.

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Yes, I have had to cut short some relationships and my inbox is still ridiculously full with emails of dear friends waiting to hear from me. I have mourned how some relationships have changed over the years. But I have learned that I can also meet great people in new places. I have made some interesting connections with colleagues in the course of the year, they have helped me a lot settle in to this new routine and life. God is present in my mundane, and I often see Him in other people.

Yes, teaching is exhausting. You get the hang of lesson plans and how to be creative in like no time. but there’s still the people. No matter how good your ‘script’ is, it can all fall to pieces when your class doesn’t get what you mean or just has a bad day.

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A group of 20-30 youngsters is a bunch of lifestyles, opinions and knowledge and it’s quite an interesting challenge to work with them each week. Each class is different and you can’t predict what’ll happen. This is scary and exciting at the same time.

Most of all, though, the classes are full of people.
Individual human beings, each with their unique biography and life story.
A story that deserves to be heard.

photo-1457369804613-52c61a468e7dA lesson passes by so quickly and time to listen, really listen, is rare.
I only get to see bits and pieces of my students, but once in a while they allow me a glimpse inside their heart. And I can’t help but find myself wanting to talk to them, to listen and discover more.
These are no longer people I don’t know or some strange kids. These are my kids.

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Yes, life has certainly changed quite a bit in the last year.
I have learned so much about life and work and other people.
In all of this, I still know who I am. I am still me, there are just a few new features in my life now.
While some aspects of the job will always be a struggle for me and I won’t always enjoy it, I have discovered that people are the real adventure. They make all the difference.

A Piece of Home

I just spent a few days with my grandmother.
She lives in a small village, and when I say small I really mean small. About one hundred people live there, only ten of them are below fifty years old.
We used to live there for a year, a very challenging year I have to say. After two years in the African jungle we ended up in this small village with not much to do. The bus runs twice a day – to school in the morning and back in the afternoon. People go to church on Sundays and to the pub on weeknights, that’s it.
I have to be honest, I was quite happy when we moved to a bigger town after a year.

Once in a while, though, I return to visit my grandma and most of the time it’s rather dull. Still the same nothingness. You have to plan your trip carefully if you come by train because the bus doesn’t run very often.
It sometimes feels like traveling into the middle of nowhere.

Entering my grandma’s house is like stepping out of your normal busy life into a quiet zone. It’s like life’s busyness stops all at once, it can’t get through that old wooden door.
I had never been able to define what awaits you inside until now.
There’s a calmness and peace which seems boring on the surface; yet, only when you enter you realize how desperately your soul needs exactly that.

A kitchen with an old oven. The smell of freshly cut wood. A warmth that creates a homely atmosphere immediately.
A table in a sunlit corner of the room, surrounded by an old wooden bench and chairs. Lots of chairs to accommodate the many visitors coming by.
The constant smell of coffee and some cake, which Gran can pull out of the most unexpected corners.

An old wooden staircase whose boards creek unless you know where to step. It leads you to two rooms, both older than everyone in the family. It’s hard to find electric sockets, they just didn’t exist when these rooms were built.
The floor made of old beams shimmering so brightly from decades of cleaning, waxing and trodding on them.
A huge bed made of dark wood with thick down feathers and a large cupboard attached to it. Give me one person who wouldn’t want to jump from the cupboard right into the soft covers. It’s just too tempting and we’ve been scolded way too many times for giving in.

Another small steep staircase takes you to the attic, the best part of the entire house. For years and years it has been the storeroom for whoever doesn’t have any space in their own house.
The perfect treasure hideout for kids.IMAG1294 Old cupboards, chairs, clothes, lamps. Each of them once belonged to uncles and aunts, great cousins and grandfathers. Each of them has a story to tell. Even though I’m all grown up now I still enjoy going up there, taking a trip down memory lane. Looking at the different pieces of furniture or clothing and imagining the story behind them. These dust-covered objects are way more than objects – they are a conduit into sweet memories of the past.

And then there’s grandma, of course.
A small roundish lady with a bun and a colorful apron. Her long black hair is spotted with gray and white streaks; her hands and face are lined with wrinkles.
She looks beautiful.
Beautifully, gracefully old. Immensely alive.
Her eyes are still full of fire and energy, and when she laughs you can see the joy in them.

She used to be a wild girl.
As the second youngest of four children she explored life and rebelled against boundaries to discover more about the world. She married a boy from the next village, she says it was love at first sight. She worked hard, running a farm, cooking for fifteen people every day, and raising seven children. She became a widow far too early at age fifty-four.
Her hands testify to the many hours of work and worry she has gone through.

She has been the good soul of the house ever since.

Despite a lot of hardships she persevered. “I simply had no other choice”, is what she often says when you ask her how she managed all the challenges life threw at her.
“And we survived.”

DSCI0425The kitchen is where most of her life takes place.
You can find her there early in the morning when she has her first cup of coffee before she heads out to feed her cats and chicken.
You always know when she’s busy because you can hear her soft humming – always the same three notes – in the whole house.
You will always find her working in the house or in her beautiful garden, except for an hour in the afternoon when she takes a nap in the giant armchair in the living room.

Life here is quiet. Life here is slow.

There’s a crazy loud world out there – but here there’s peace and quiet.
There are busy agendas and schedules out there – but here there’s only the right now. The work in front of you.
Like cracking walnuts for two hours and peeling the best parts out of the hard shell.
Like baking cake and learning the secrets from the best.
Like sitting down over a delicious meal and sharing what life has been like since we last saw each other.
Like listening to stories of the past and marveling at God’s grace and protection.

Life is good because I finally slow down enough to discover its little blessings in the mundane.

Grandma’s house is always open. There is a bell, but no one ever rings it. You just turn the key and enter.
This house has already seen people from all kinds of countries, continents, and lifestyles. Visitors from overseas and next door. Gran doesn’t speak any English and we have had quite a few interesting ‘lost in translation’ encounters.
Gran has never traveled much except Norway and Israel, but through the many visitors she has seen the world.

Grandma’s house is quite special.
It’s a place where you’ll always find a spare bed to rest your heavy legs.
A place where there’s always food on the table. “And if there’s not we’ll make some”, as my uncle says.
A place where someone will wait with open arms and an open ear to listen.
A place where you’ll meet a messy bunch of people I call my family.

A place you’ll never leave empty-handed, I promise.
You’ll literally have your bags packed with goods Grandma has for you. Instead of money she gives you eggs from her chicken, homemade ham and bread, even entire meals.
“It’s nothing”, she says.

But it is something.

You take a lot more away than a bag of goods. Wherever you go from here, you’ll carry stories with you.
Stories of the past that shape the present and inspire the future.
The big picture that binds us all together.
You treasure the memories for times to come.
Memories of quiet afternoons and walks around the lake in the sun.
The taste of home-cooked meals and sweet fellowship around the table.
The experience that despite all differences and distances family bonds are there to connect us all.

Grandma’s house, tucked away in this small village in the middle of nowhere, is a lot more than an old farmhouse.

It’s a piece of home.

And it will stay home as long as we decide to return and make it home.

[Five Minute Friday] Yes

Yesterday a picture went viral. 
A police officer carrying the dead body of little boy out of the Mediterrenean sea in Turkey. The boy had tried to flee across the sea and had drowned in a boat that’s been way too small and way too old for such a precious load.
This is not the first incident, it’s just the peek of inhumanity in a series of terrible events going on in Europe at the moment. People trying to enter our countries, and all they hear is NO.
NO to a place to stay.
NO to something to eat.
NO to transport.
NO to a job.
NO to them as people, as human beings who have something to offer to this world and community.
The daily news of burned down refugee homes, aggressive demonstrations and the most horrible posts on social media make it hard to believe in a bright future, in something better to come.
There’s just NO and uncertainty.

But in all that darkness, in the midst of desperation, there’s a YES.
A YES that resounds from the beginning of time when it was first spoken.
The YES that the One God uttered and then made people.
YES to create fragile, tempted, vulnerable, often horrible, hurting human beings.
YES to beloved children who make a lot of mistakes and are more lost than they would ever know, yet are also more saved than they will ever dare to hope.

His YES starts ringing like a whisper in our hearts, gaining strength until it fills our entire being.
He said YES to us. And His YES can give us the courage, faith, and strength to say YES to others.
YES to welcoming people into our countries.
YES to opening our doors to them.
YES to listening to their stories, holding their hands when they’re shaking with fear.
YES to giving away food, housing, any kind of support.
YES to mirroring Jesus in places of despair and uncertainty. 
Let there be YES and a bit more hope in this broken, broken world.

If you’re as disgusted and compelled as me by the happenings in Europe at the moment, please check out more resources. And pray, if that’s all you can do.

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Writing for Five Minute Friday today. 

 

[Five Minute Friday] Hide

If you live somewhere in the northern hemisphere you might’ve noticed an amazing phenomenon the last few weeks (or your Facebook and instagram accounts have been full of it or maybe someone just talked about it). Spring is here!
When I walk through the streets I see empty branches now bearing tiny green leaves.
Little buds have turned into big blossoms, in so many shades of colors.
There’s a scent of flowers in the air, a certain freshness and sweetness.
An explosion of beauty.

I love spring.
The long dark winter has passed.
Summer is on its way.
Spring reminds of that word in Isaiah:

I am doing a new thing, it has already begun, can’t you see?


Now we marvel at spring’s beauty, but where does all its beauty come from?
What happens to beauty when we struggle through winter?
It seems as if beauty and growth have stopped completely.

In the winter of our lives it is hard to see beyond the next day, the next month.
When life kicks us around it can be a real challenge to keep up hope and the belief into what’s to come. When all seems dull and we sink into disappointment and despair there’s often no perspective for beauty and growth.Winter might look different for everyone, but I guess we all know the feeling that beauty and growth are hidden from us.

I am so glad for the invention of spring because it serves as a reminder.
Every single day.
Winter and the period of waiting is over, but it’s not without meaning.
The months of cold and death were also moments of rebirth and preparation.
The blossoms we now see and admire were formed in the midst of winter when everything seemed hopeless. The darkness gave way to new light, new hope.
Growth might’ve seemed to be hidden, but now we can see its treasures bursting forth.
Hidden beauty has come into the light.


As we take in all of spring’s beauty may we experience spring in us.
As we stumble through the last battles of winter let us look out for hidden beauty and growth, waiting to burst into full bloom.
It’s all there, may we learn to anticipate and appreciate the new in and around us.
He is doing something new, he makes ways in the wilderness and streams in the desert.
He sometimes works in hidden ways, but he never fails in beauty and growth.
Where can you see something new in your life today?
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Linking up with Kate Motaung‘s Five Minute Friday, come and join us!

[Five Minute Friday] Open

My life is like a prison sometimes. I feel trapped in my day-to-day routine. I just function, but true life has left me. 
My mind is like a prison sometimes. I mull the same thoughts and questions over and over, but there’s no answer that makes the spinning stop. 
My soul is like a prison sometimes. Worries and fear of the unknown creep up and won’t let me sleep. The more I worry the bigger these forces become and tear me apart.

It’s so easy to become closed off. 
Stuck in my own doings and pereceptions and worries. 
Hidden from the world and other people. 

How can you be a door opener
for other people?

But there is a door. 
Only recently when I reflected upon this busy, busy year I had with final exams and studying 24-7, without any time for friends but a lot to worry about – only then did I realize I had a few doors along the way.
Or rather, door openers. 

People like J.
Whenever I felt overwhelmed with questions and deadlines and my own emotions, there was J. 
We would cook together or have coffee and she would listen. 
And then speak firm and encouraging words. 
She listened to my questions and pointed me towards answers.
She opened my perspective for more. 
She restored a bit of hope where I had lost it.

J is a door opener. 

Interesting enough, this year roles are reversed. 
She’s stuck with exams and drowning in books. 
She is overwhelmed with questions about the future. 
She might also feel like in prison sometimes. 
The other day we had lunch and talked a bit how much I appreciated her role in my life. And then she said, “but don’t you know that you’re my J?”

This touched something inside of me because that’s who I want to be.
I want to be someone’s J. 
A friend who shares life with you. 
A listener. 
An encourager. 
A thinker. 
A “sit still and wait” person. 
A perspective changer. 
A hope restorer. 
A door opener. 

*Yes, there were other people in the last year, too, and I can’t thank them enough for being Js in my life! If you’re reading this, please know how much I appreciate you!

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Friday is writing time!Kate Motaung‘s Five Minute Friday party! 
Five minutes to give it a go at

[Five Minute Friday] When

No matter how much you plan a lesson, a day, or a life – something will always go wrong.
Isn’t this the attitude we often have towards life? 
Well, what if things interrupt our plans, but in a very positive, surprising way?
Especially when you least expect it.

Today is my first day of the holidays. 
It was quite a delight walking out of the school yesterday and feel the knowledge flood me: You’re off for an entire week. You can sleep and rest. 
With these high spirits I walked downtown. 
At a traffic light I ran into a friend I had met in my first semester and hadn’t seen in quite a few years. 
I thought I would just say hello and then move on. 

I was wrong.

We started talking about what we’ve been up to for the last few years and a superficial chat quickly turned into a time of sharing about challenges and faith questions. 
We ended up going for coffee and a few minutes turned into a few hours. 
We left the café, smiling and incredibly blessed. 

I didn’t expect to run into that friend yesterday. 
I hadn’t planned to spend hours in a coffee shop hearing his life story. 
And yet I am so glad I did. 

What if life isn’t about perfect plans and anticipating all the negative possibilities? 
I guess life is more about our willingness to be interruptible. 
To be open for the people and things that come across our way each day. 
Because when we least expect it we will meet blessings in disguise. 
These kinds of interruptions won’t destroy our timetables – they’ll enrich our souls in ways no planned event ever could. 

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Friday means writing party over at Kate Motaung‘s place! One prompt. Five minutes of flat writing. No editing. But loads of encouragement from fellow writers!

[Five Minute Friday] Share

It’s 6.30 am and my alarm clock won’t let me sleep any longer.
Time to get up and go to work.
I don’t feel ready for that.

The sky is dark, dawn is slowly creeping up.
I look out the window and see the neighboring houses covered in white.
Snow.
My mood drops, my smile turns into a grimly look, and I think “O no.”
I am not a fan of snow and the cold, but that’s a different story.
I walk into the bathroom to splash a bit of water into this sleepy face.
I make coffee.
All the while I feel a mood change taking place inside of me.
From hopeful to pessimistic.
From happy to moody.
Slightly aggressive.
And the day hasn’t even fully begun yet.

As I consider my feelings this morning I have to ask myself the uncomfortable question: What do I share today?
Do I want to pass on these feelings and attitudes to the people I meet today?
What do YOU share today?
How will people meet you on the street, at work, at uni today?
What will they take away from a conversation with you? A “Oh, she was really something today”, or “I feel encouraged because of her”?
What will you like and share on facebook or twitter? Yet another animal video or something that might speak to someone else?

I don’t know how your morning looked like.
But I know that the world’s already full enough of grumpy, hopeless people.
Share some difference today.
A smile.
A word of encouragement.
A bit of perspective in the midst of pessimism.

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One prompt. Five minutes of writing, no editing. That’s Five Minute Friday at Kate Motaung‘s place. It’s always a joy to share encouragement and stories with the other writers, come join us!

What Breath Can Teach Us

I breathe in.
Feel the air flooding through my nose, mouth, down the trachea into my lungs and stomach.
I breathe out.
Breathe in again.
See my stomach rise and fall.
The more I listen to my breath the calmer I become.
Nature has its God-given rhythm and I can simply join its pattern.

Yesterday in my speaking class we did breathing and articulation exercises.
Words are a wonderful thing.
They can convey content, feelings, subtle hints, deep suspicions.
They can tear down or build up.
They always resonate with us.
While we experimented with different dynamics and voices the instructor said one interesting thing: “Whatever and however you speak – make sure your breath and yourself are rooted within you. Always come back to that root inside of you.”

This might sound strange, but it is the secret to good speaking.
You need firm roots to manage the different pitches, moods, contents you manage each day.
The people and things you interact with in 24 hours might kick you around, might really challenge you – but you can always come back to that breath inside of you.
Breathing in. Breathing out. Natural order. Peace.

Peace.
This word sticks with me, not only since yesterday’s class.
Feeling rooted while speaking, returning to that natural breath is a good metaphor for the rest of life.
It kicks around sometimes, doesn’t it?
Calls to take, errands to run, people to meet, counseling to give, problems to solve, fears to face…
Life’s tough and it’s not hard to feel like a tiny boat on a stormy ocean at times.

In the midst of these turbulences we need to be rooted.
We need that place we can go to, where our sense of self and order are restored.
Where our hearts can let go and calm down.
Where we can breathe in fresh air, a new sense of hope and perspective.
That place we can always return to.
That haven of peace.

This place looks different for all of us.
A cup of coffee in the morning.
A night of good and enough sleep.
A song that breaks the gloominess of our day.
A meeting with a friend.
Exercise.
Reading an encouraging book.

Silence.
Using the early hours of the morning to be still.
Before speaking a word I want to listen.
Listen to my breath going in and out.
Allow my heart and body to be flooded with air, energy, spirit for the day.
Before telling the Lord MY agenda for the day, I want to hear what HE’s got in store for today. 
I face the challenges of this day with peace because I know I can always return to it. 
To Him, the Prince of Peace.

[Five Minute Friday] Welcome


Welcome to 2015, readers! I hope you had a great start into the new year and are excited for all the things to come. It’s Friday, so as always, I join a fabulous writing community over at Kate Motaung‘s place. 
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It felt like the first day of school. 
Searching for rooms and familiar faces. 
Meeting new people. 
Slowly finding out who would become your colleagues and friends.
After five years of studying and two months of resting I am back in school. 
Literally, since I will be teaching highschool students very soon.
The new year is truly new for me. 
A new phase of life, full of adjustments, challenges, and changes. 
But I am not sure I am ready to welcome them.

I don’t know how your last year looked like. 
I don’t know what the new one has in store for you. 
And I surely don’t know how you feel about all of this.
Are new people welcome in your home and life?
Do you expect or avoid changes in your life this year?
Do you dread or embrace the future?

Sometimes life and its people overwhelm you. 
They surprise you. In a good way. 

When I entered the school this week I was surprised to see many familiar faces. 
People I didn’t know before turned out really nice and opened great conversations.
While I was mostly hesitant and scared of all the new courses and work to come I slowly rediscover a long lost feeling: passion and excitement for the new opportunities lying ahead of me.

So as we start this new year – each of us with their own challenges and joys – let go of the past and hesitation. 
Let’s welcome new people in our lives or allow old ones to surprise us. 
Let’s welcome interruptions and blessings in disguise. 
Let’s be overwhelmed at times and enjoy times to breathe even more. 
Let’s welcome life.

Special: Favorite Christmas Memories

It’s Friday and I meet with many fellow writers over at Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday. 
Today’s prompt is ADORE. 

This feeling of awe in light of what we celebrate at Christmas. 
This sensation of joy as we recall childhood memories. 
Pure adoration for Christ in the midst of gift shopping and endless loops of annoying Christmas tunes is a piece of hard work. 
It’s so easy to just fall into routine and leave our heart’s response to all of this behind. 
Traditions can help us to focus on the important things again. Treasure the little steps of preparation. Feel the excitement and joy building.
Leadings our hearts to adoration. 

As a Christmas treat I have a guest on my blog today. 
Sophie Kröher is a dear friend of mine and she shares a few of her favorite Christmas traditions from the Eastern part of Germany with us. She is also a very, very talented photographer, so of course, you’ll find a bit of her work in here, too. 🙂 
Her thoughts are in German; I have attempted to translate it below. 

Von Würstchen in Mehl

Der Schatten der sich drehenden Pyramidenflügel an der Wand. 
Feine Nebelschwaden der Weihrauchkerzchen in der Luft. 
Leuchtend gelbe Punkte der Schwibbbogenkerzen, die sich im Fenster spiegeln. 
Das Kinstern und Knacken einer Schallplatte. 
Männeln wecken. 

Mamas zerstochene Hände vom Bögenbinden. 
Stollen buttern. 
Heimlich die Butter mit Puderzucker an einer Stelle abkratzen. 
Und dann, nach schier unendlich langem Warten:  den Tannenbaum schmücken, Linseneintopf löffeln, Würstchen in Mehl wälzen, die nach Braten riechenden Haare waschen, in die Metten gehen. 
Weihnachten im Erzgebirge. 
Mein Weihnachten.


Beim Männeln wecken, Bögen binden und Stollen buttern bin ich leider schon seit einigen Jahren nicht mehr rechtzeitig dabei. 
Pyramidenflügelschatten, Weihrauchnebelschwaden und Schwibbbogenkerzenspiegelungen habe ich mir wenigstens hergeholt. 
Aber morgen geht’s heim, rechtzeitig zu Mamas Linseneintopf – dem besten der ganzen Welt und des ganzen Jahres. 
Und um mit Papa Würstchen in Mehl zu wälzen. 
Mein Weihnachten. 
Daheim.


Sausages and Flour

The shadow of the pyramid wings moves along the wall.
Fine mist of the frankinscence candles in the air.
Bright yellow spots of the light arc are mirrored in the window.
The cracking sound of a vinyl.
To wake up the Männel (German tradition to put up the traditional frankinscence candle men).
Mom’s pierced hands while making the bows.
Butter the Stollen (Eastern German traditional Christmas loaf).
Scratch off the butter with powder sugar when no one is looking.
And then, after a long time of waiting: decorate the Christmas tree, eat lentil stew, roll sausages in flour, wash your hair smelling of meat, go to church.
Christmas in the Erzgebirge (Ore Mountains in the East of Germany).
My Christmas.

I haven’t made it in time for years to wake the Männel, make the bows, or butter the Stollen. A few things I managed to take with me, though – pyramids, frankinscence, and light bow. 
But tomorrow I will go home, just in time for Mom’s lentil stew – the best stew in the world and of the whole year. Just in time to roll sauages in flour with Dad.
My Christmas.
At Home.