Friends – Page 4

I Am Not Anne

When I was a young girl, my favorite book was Anne of Green Gables. I loved reading about the adventures and mishaps of Anne, an eleven year old orphan who’s adopted by two elderly siblings. She isn’t wanted at first, but eventually moves in with the Cuthberts and changes life in the small town of Avonlea quite a bit. With her very open and curious personality she falls into a few traps along the way, but somehow she always manages to win people over. No mater how selfish, bitter or traditional people are – Anne finds ‘kindred spirits’ everywhere.

I have always found Anne’s character quite appealing, considering the fact that she moves into a very tight-knit community. Everybody knows everyone in Avonlea, and everyone is somehow related. This comes with the usual conflicts and gossip: once you do something ‘wrong’ (which basically means something different than traditions) everyone knows about it. And everyone is entitled to have an opinion on it.

Anne doesn’t care. She does things differently, ignores rules, or revises old traditions. She confuses people with her extroverted character and ideas, but in the end she brings the community closer together. People suddenly help each other out and care for each other.

Grandma’s place reminds me a lot of Avonlea. A small village in the middle of nowhere where everyone knows everyone. There are conflicts and there’s gossip. There’s one right way to do it, and a lot of confused stares and hushed comments if you do it differently.

There’s close community and a lot of help, too. You can call people anytime if you need homemade food, farming supplies or practical help. People reach out and are willing to care about each other. My Grandma and my mom as well are used to simply picking up the phone and calling for help. They have no problem walking into other people’s yards.

They are at home there.

As much as I enjoy Grandma’s place I realize it’s not my Avonlea.
When I was there a few weeks ago Grandma asked me to pick up some honey from the neighbor. “You can walk through the backyard”, she said.
I really wanted to.

Instead, I stood there and hesitated.

Unable to walk through the yard I realized that I know of people, but I don’t really know them. I am not the kind of person who just walks into people’s yards and lives. I am not the kind of girl who turns others into ‘kindred spirits’.

I am not Anne.

I have had my shares of adventures and mishaps (and I hope I’m not done yet!). I have walked into cultural traps and caused more confusion than understanding. I have felt unwanted and lost in tight-knit communities.

And yet I have discovered that there’s more of an Anne inside of me than I thought.

I do have a way to look at the world that some might call daydreaming, idealistic, or naïve. I call it finding beauty in the mundane. With the right mindset you can see past the worries, pain, and problems life so often throws at us.

I do clash with people’s mindsets and opinions because I sometimes do things ‘differently’. But it’s such a blessing to see how others live and think – why don’t we learn more from each other? And more than that, why don’t we practice caring about and for each other?

Most of all, I did and do find ‘kindred spirits’ everywhere. It normally happens when I least expect it. At a friend’s birthday party, on my way home from work, in a comment below a blog post.
‘Kindred spirits’ who have traveled the world, who have lived in different countries and fell in love with several cultures at the same time.

Who know what it means to feel lost and want to belong so badly.
Who do things ‘differently’ and yet don’t want to give up themselves.

Who might be afraid to walk through the neighbor’s backyard, but would have no problem finding a place to stay on any continent.

Who have discovered that our Avonlea is bigger than one geographical location – it can be found whenever we let each other in on the new, weird, exciting, exhausting experiences life might bring.

On Relationships (From a Single’s Perspective)

We were out of bread, so I ran down to the store to get some. I walked past a large pile of flowers in all kinds of shapes and colors. I quickly wondered, “Why do they have so many flowers in the store in the middle of February?”

It instantly dawned on me.
It’s Valentine’s Day on Sunday. The day of happy couples, flower bouquets, over-prized dinners and jewellery gifts.
Why do you need a special day to celebrate love? I hope you show your love for your partner on the other 364 days as well, otherwise you might have a bigger problem than what color of flower to pick, but that’s a different conversation.

A day dreaded by so many singles around the world because it screams in their faces how alone they truly are and how much happier everyone else is simply because they found “The One”.

A day full of sadness and disappointment because another year has passed with unfulfilled desires and an aching heart. Maybe even a sense of failure because you haven’t managed to fulfill the ONE goal in life: to find a partner and start a family.

A day often accompanied by well-meant comments of married friends. Do the following phrases sound familiar to you?
“Being married is the best thing in the world – I really hope you’ll find someone soon.”
“I’m sure God has someone really special for you, just wait for him.”
“This waiting time prepares your character and heart for the person God has for you.”
“Just pray and wait and the Right One will show up.”
“Use your time well and prepare yourself, so you’ll be ready when Mr Right shows up.”
I am sure you have a ton more of these phrases. And if we met up for a couple of beers, you’d probably have even more stories of crushed hopes and dreams, of expectations and desires and failure.

Don’t get me wrong: I might be slightly sarcastic over here (this is just my nature), but I am perfectly acquainted with that ache for someone in my life.
Yes, I believe that marriage is a special bond and a pretty great invention.
Yes, I hope to be married someday.
Yes, I could imagine having a family.

But the older I get and the more relationships I have observed and friends I have counseled over the years, the more respect I have for this whole marriage thing. It is a damn hard piece of work, and romantic notions won’t get us anywhere but disillusionment.
Obviously I can only speak from a girl’s perspective, but I am very interested in comments and additions! So here are my two cents on what is wrong with relationships in our (Christian) society today.

If you’re single you’re missing out.
In the last two years I have been to more than ten weddings. I have rejoiced with the happy couples and enjoyed being part of their journey. I am really glad they found each other. As I said, marriage is a good thing.
What often happens, though, is the ‘Great Disappearance’. Some couples just drop off the face of the earth as soon as they found each other. It’s impossible to meet up with a friend for coffee or plan something because “sorry, I am married now”. It’s a real challenge striking up a conversation which does not permanently involve the husband, the kids, the married life.
It’s as if they have moved on to a higher level, a better world, and left you behind here in this bleak, lonely, single world.

Yes, there are things that can only be enjoyed in a relationship.
Yes, it is a blessing to have a special someone in your life who’ll be closer to you than any friend ever can.
But is it always better?

Of course I have lonely evenings and wish someone was there to comfort me.
Of course I enjoy great things in life and wish someone was there to share them with me.
Of course I’m afraid at times and wish someone was there to hear my unprocessed thoughts.

No matter how many days of loneliness there are, there are far more happy days.
Days when I am glad that it’s just me (and my roommate) in the apartment.
Days when I can sleep in because no one demands my time or attention.
Days when I can do whatever I want whenever I want because I don’t have to check with anyone.
Days when I can travel, move, be spontaneous because I don’t have to fight with anyone over space, money or time.
Being single offers you a lot of opportunities and you should seize them as long as you can.

If you’re single your life is on hold.
I have talked to many single (Christian) girls, read a lot of ‘dating books’ and sat in on quite a few ‘special youth meetings’ – you know the ones where they separate girls and boys for the night to talk about relationships, sex, and stuff.
I don’t know what the guys were told, but the message ringing in my ears from the girls’ meetings was: Save yourself for marriage. Obviously, this was mostly in the sexual context, but included a much larger message.
Life, real life, only starts in marriage, so don’t waste it beforehand. Everything will work itself out in marriage.

And you see, this is where the lie comes in. If real life starts only when you’re married – what is life then before marriage? Un-Life?
People living with this kind of understanding seem to put their life on hold because… marriage. They don’t invest in real intimate relationships because…marriage. They don’t practice honest communication because…marriage. They don’t take risks because…marriage.

Yes, certain things can only be practiced in marriage. You can’t predict how you’ll act as soon as feelings dominate your behavior.
But don’t fool yourself: Your marriage won’t be easy from the start, I can guarantee you that. Your happy clappy dream bubble might burst pretty quickly, and if you’re not ready for that you’ll be left disillusioned and disappointed.
Marriage is a hard piece of work, including a lot of investment and communication skills. These skills don’t come naturally, just because you love someone. So why not use the time you’ve been given now to practice real communication, real investment, real relationships?
Your life is NOW, no matter your relationship status. Go and live it to the fullest.

If you’re single you’re not complete yet.
Along with the lie that singles need to put their lives on hold comes an even greater twist: You cannot live your life to the fullest as a single because you’re still waiting for that special someone. Just listen to love songs in the radio or girls talking.

He’s perfect for me. He has everything I ever wanted. He completes me.

And so girls write their lists of how their Mr Right should look and be like.
They wait and hope that he shows up soon.
They dream of a perfect future with a perfect marriage with a perfect someone.

And so somehow this lie settles in our minds that we need that special someone to make us complete. That without him we are not perfect.
The more I think about it the more confused I am. Sunday after Sunday we sing “Jesus, you alone are enough for me” or “Lord, you’re all I need” in church. And yet when it comes to marriage we believe that we need something, or rather, someone else.
We believe in a God who created a perfect heaven and earth. And then he created man and called them perfect. We are already perfect, pure, and holy. By default, we are complete.

We can’t predict what life will bring. No list and prayer in the world can guarantee that Mr Right will show up. I for one don’t think there’s only this ONE person in the world who’s right for you, anyway, but that’s a different conversation. But you’ll never be truly content with yourself and your life, if you continue to believe that you’re not 100% you, no matter your relationship status.
You are made perfect and complete. The partner is just a gift for you on top of everything.

If you’re single you’re doing something wrong.
These are probably the comments that annoy me the most. “What? You’re single? How’s that possible, such a pretty girl like you?”
Yes, really, how could I? Basically it’s my fault that I am (still) alone.
Maybe I need to go out more to meet more people.
Maybe I need to be more active in my search.
Maybe I need to ‘advertise’ myself more.
Maybe I need to work on myself more so that I am more attractive to others.
Maybe I need to pray more that God will already send Mr Right along.
Maybe I need to wait more intently and patiently.

Of course, you can’t expect anything to happen when you hide in a closet. And yes, sometimes you need to take some of the above steps.
But if we begin to understand that our value and life does not depend on whether or not we have a partner, we might finally start to relax a bit more.
Life is not just about finding a partner. If you’re single you’re not a failure.
Sometimes life is about living in the moment, enjoying what you have right now and learning as much as you can. Be grateful for what and who you have in your life.
If a great guy (or girl) comes along, then take a risk and embark on this adventure called marriage. And if not, then enjoy life to the fullest and discover the many treasures ahead of you.

A quick note to our married friends
I am glad for the many people I have in my life who lead all different kinds of lifestyles. Singles, Couples, Families, Seniors…Life is so diverse and we can learn something from all kinds of people.
What can married people do to encourage their single friends?

Get out of your ‘Couple Bubble’ once in a while and see what life is like on the outside. It might be nice to spend a night out with the girls or have a guy’s thing sometimes. We value the time we can spend together, more than you know.

Talk to us. Don’t stay on the surface or on the ‘my boyfriend, my wife, my kids’ toys’ level. Share something about YOURSELF and show real interest in us. You might appreciate an adult friend and listener more than you’d expect.

Singleness is no disease and we don’t suffer from a permanent identity crisis. So don’t pity us or overwhelm us with rushed comments and assumptions.

As much as we singles enjoy spending time with your kids or observe your marriages we desire your interest in us. No, we are not left behind or not as good as you. We are just in a different phase of life and we have something to give. So invite us into your lives and be willing to learn from us.
Life is a big journey. Some of it we walk together, some we might have to walk alone. Let’s embrace the people and situations around us and discover the many surprises and treasures life has prepared for us.

[#write31days] Day 26 Boundaries with Friends

Welcome to Day 26 of #write31days!
For more information check out the series’ page.
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Every day we meet new people. Every day we connect with long lost people. Some of them are acquaintances, others are supposed to become friends. How do we make good friends and how do we set appropriate boundaries?

Stop Chasing
I am a people person. I love meeting new people and hearing their stories. I love seeing them thrive. I am a giver. I like to invest in others through talking, texting, writing, meeting…
Until last year.
I was so exhausted from my life and investing all the time that I just had to stop. For once I needed others to invest in me. This often didn’t happen and many friendships shattered at this T-junction. I tried to keep going, keep investing, keep hoping for others to show up.
I beat myself up, I whined and complained about friends who never called. I sent out emails and texts and then pitied myself when I got nothing in return. It led to nothing but disappointment, self-questioning, and emptiness.
Most of all, I overlooked the people who did come alongside me. Texts I did not appreciate, invites I did not accept, help I did not take – because I was too busy chasing the attention of the wrong people.
Don’t chase the wrong people. Instead of complaining about what (or who) you don’t have, focus on those you do have.
Be bold enough to let those go who don’t respond. Don’t force something that’s not supposed to be. Cut ties that will only lead to emptiness and disappointment.

Open your eyes to the ones who really care about you and not just your presents. Be grateful for them and accept their help.

Rather Few than Many
As much as Facebook tries to tell us that the more ‘friends’ you have the better – few are actually better than many.
You simply can’t invest in everyone. Keeping up with many people takes a lot of time, emotions, and energy. You’ll just get lost in too many stories, questions, and problems and won’t have time to just share life together. Having fifty friends won’t fill your life, but actually leave you empty and exhausted.

Sometimes we have to say NO to friends. They are adults and can’t drop all their problems off to us. Yes, friends help each other out and care. But bearing each other does not mean taking over each other’s lives. Sometimes friendship can also mean telling some hard truths.
The older I get the more I realize the benefit from choosing my friends. I don’t have many, but those I have I really want to make an effort. Really listen, really care, really invest. This takes time and energy. But I know it’s worth it because I know they’ll do the same in return.

What Is a Friend?
I have talked to quite a few people about this topic and we often ended up at the same question: What actually makes a friend? What do we expect from our friends and how can we be better friends?
We meet lots of people every day, but not everyone will become our friend. With some people we connect for a while, but very few are meant to get close to us.

This does not happen just like that. It takes an effort on both sides.
No matter what you expect of others as friends – we have to start being good friends ourselves.
Friends are there for you. Just you, not your work, your contribution, your effort.
Friends are honest; they are willing to go deeper. Not all at once, but step by step. They are bold enough to let you in on their mess and don’t turn their backs when they’ve seen yours.
Friends can take a NO. No matter how much we like each other we also need some time to withdraw and recharge.

Setting boundaries with friends is tough because we’re often afraid to lose them. But what if it helps us to make our own expectations clear and refine the friendships we’re actually supposed to have?

Think about the friends you have. Do you chase the wrong people? Do you appreciate the ones who invest in you? Do you need to make a decision to be a good friend to few?

[Five Minute Friday] Learn

A few weeks into my teacher training I heard it for the first time. “You’re such a nerd!”
It brought back memories for me. Memories of high school when I was called the same way, especially during exam seasons.
And surprisingly, it was never meant in the negative way.

I’m a nerd. I like to learn.
It’s fascinating to read about other cultures, other people’s views on things, delicious food recipes.
I like to take everything in and compare my own ideas with it.
I enjoy digging deeper into the bible, looking at historical backgrounds and its influences on the parables.
I sometimes look up greek words and their meanings which sometimes turn my whole understanding around.
I like sermons that don’t stay on the ‘feelings’ level.

But I guess I am also a ‘people nerd’.
More than I want facts and knowledge, I want relationship.
Connection.
I want to get to know someone on a deeper level.
I really struggle to walk away from a conversation with only knowledge or objective facts.
I want something personal because we have just made a connection.

This requires effort, the right questions and the courage to ask them.
It requires honesty and the bravery to give away something of yourself.
And it requires a lot (yes, a lot!) of time and investment.
But it’s worth it, trust me.
In the end, in times of need, knowledge can only get you so far – but friends will take the long walk with you.

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Linking up with Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Ten

The other day I was at a party.
About 250 people there, most of whom I knew.
Well, “knew” is a bit overrated. I know their names, what they do, that’s it.

Occasions like this remind me of my true nature.
As much as I love the crowds and their energy, as much as everyone says I am an extrovert and people-person – deep down inside there is this shy girl that can’t handle the masses, the noise, the superficial talk over and over again.

And the more I come to think of it, the more I’m okay with it.
I’m okay with not being okay in big crowds.
I’m okay with not connecting with everyone and talking with as many people as possible.

People and their relationships are an interesting thing.
How and when do we connect with others?
Most of the people I met at that party were there because we all do the same thing – teach.
We sit together in classes, we laugh at the same jokes, we spend our breaks together. For this assigned time we live in this bubble together and feel like we’re the best friends ever.
But after class ends, when everyone goes home to their own lives, we are not.
We are just two people who might run into each other on the street, say hello, move on.

We need people like this in our lives.
Whatever we may call them (acquaintances, friends, temporary friends…), we need people to walk alongside us for a specific time. It doesn’t have to be much, not very intense, it’s just there for the moment. When this time ends – how many of these relationships will survive?

We can’t survive on these crowds, on mere acquaintances, superficial talks.
We need something more.
Deeper connection. Scratching below the surface. Taking off our masks.
People we want to invest in, pour our time and soul into.
People who invest in and pour into us.
Walk through the light and the heavy days together.
Cheer each other on in tough times, rejoice over victories.
It doesn’t have to be the crowds, it only takes a few.
Ten people, maybe only three or five.
Maybe only one.

Are you a crowd or a “ten’s enough” person? Who pours into your life? Who do you choose to invest in?

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Connecting with a fabulous bunch of writers at Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Free

I don’t know what you remember from your teenage years (or how much you actually want to remember), but one thing that I took away from it was that it was hard. A lot of struggles.
Who are my true friends?
What kind of music do I really like?
Why do I do the things I do?
How do I want my life to look like?
What is my opinion on xyz?

I especially struggled with my faith.
Why do I believe in God?
Does the way I believe in him actually make sense?
I felt limited in my expressions of faith, boxed in by opinions I had been taught by family and church.
It was time to break out.

The road to freedom often is not a golden-paved way to the promised land.
Rather a stony, hilly path into the unknown.

I also remember conversations with people outside the bubble I had grown up in.
People who lived a completely different lifestyle, had completely different opinions.
People who asked lots of questions and forced me to re-evaluate myself, to step away from all of it for a while and look at things from a distance.
People who encouraged me to pull away the layers of my life that were no longer part of my self.
They were present in my struggles, cheered me on in my search, helped me get rid of unnecessary baggage so that I could finish the race.

Well, the race is not finished yet.
But the more I see and experience in life, the more people I meet, the more I step out of my comfortzone and boxed-in beliefs – the more I discover the great freedom that’s out there.
Freedom to be and not just do.
Freedom to make mistakes.
Freedom to grow.
Freedom to discover and learn.
Freedom to climb up that hill, no matter how long it may take.
Freedom to believe and discover more of God’s facets in unexpected places.
Freedom to live.

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Linking up with my writing friends over at Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday.

[Five Minute Friday] Fear

When I was little I was terribly afraid to be alone in the car.
Whenever my Mom would stop somewhere to swing by a place or drop something off I lost it. As soon as she said, “it’ll only take a minute” I knew what was coming.
My mind started racing with scenarios how strangers would come and attack me, hijack me right out of the car. I sometimes hid behind my seat to not be seen by people passing the car.

So my parents bought a teddy bear.
I actually don’t remember if he had a name, but he kept me company whenever Mom and Dad couldn’t.
That teddy bear didn’t make everything better, but he made me feel less afraid.
He was just there.

About twenty years later I’m totally fine by myself in the car and many other places.
But fear is still there, just in a changed form.
We still feel lonely sometimes and doubt if we are good enough for someone’s friendship.
We still have to face tests in all kinds of areas in life and deal with potential failure.
We still can’t foresee the future and know whether we will sink if we step out onto new waters.
We still live in a world that appears to be more broken every day with suffering, wars, hunger, poverty.

Fear of what’s to come lurks in the back of all our minds.
It freezes our brains, cripples our souls, and binds our hands sometimes.

We are not supposed to live like this, crippled and hopeless.
We are meant to overcome fear and thrive.
This doesn’t happen in a day, but it might start with a teddy bear.
Someone in your life who walks with you.
Listens to you as you share what really bothers you.
Cheers you on as you call fear by its name and put it in its right place.
Pull fear out of the shadows and into the light.

As long as we live in this broken world we can’t take all cares and fears away.
But we can very well decide whether it governs our lives by lurking in the dark.
Let’s find and be teddy bears.
Friends who walk with each other through the dark days.
Who face trials together.
Who help each other get up after we have fallen.
Who don’t take everything away, but make the day or night a little brighter.
Let us remind each other to bring our fear-crippled hearts to the Everlasting, our rock and true safety.

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It’s Friday and we meet up at Kate Motaung‘s to just write. Come and join us!

[Five Minute Friday] Gift

I’ve been a little out of touch in this space lately, but there’s a good excuse. For the last two weeks I’ve been traveling around North Carolina, taking a break from work, and reconnecting with dear friends.

It’s just been two weeks, but t’s also been so much more than that.

Fourteen days of not thinking about work at all.
Of indulging in good food and free refilled drinks.
Of admiring nature’s beauty in the mountains and at the beach.

Fourteen days of restoring rest to body, mind, and soul.
Of time with precious people, talking late into the night, reminiscing of sweet memories and adding new chapters to the story.
Fourteen days of celebrating friendships.

It’s just been two weeks, but they were intensely filled with gifts.

Like all those people who opened their homes and let me crash on their couches, even though it was often late at night.

Like all those friends who drove me around and did the most ridiculous shopping trips with me.

Like entering T’s house and feeling at home right away. Such a welcoming atmosphere that made me not even think about work or stress for one minute. I was just there and could enjoy every single moment.

Like celebrating beautiful H, watching her get married to the boy of her dreams, and swing dancing the night away. Hiking through the woods and laughing about silly stuff were just the things I needed.

Like driving through beautiful Greensboro or walking around campus with T and sharing about life. Simply starting where we had left off about two years ago, as if we had never been apart. Instant connection, instant depth, and incredible blessings to my soul.

Like going to the beach with E and swimming in the ocean with the most amazing colors. Sitting at the water at night, listening to the waves, and sharing about the essential things in life. E’s view of the world, his attention to and appreciation of the little beauties in the ordinary, and his nostalgia were inspiring.

Like walking around town with ME, MB, and A or going on culinary adventures with C, E, and N made me discover hidden things, rejoice about new developments, and treasure the familiar.

Every single talk was often so much more than expected, so much deeper than hoped for, and so much more a blessing than imagined. Friendships may be silent at times, but once souls have connected they’ll always come back to each other, no matter the distance.

Thank you for the gift of friendship. Thank you for being on that journey together.

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A little later than usual, but I’m still linking up with Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday. Another great gift, this community of bloggers and encouragers!

[Five Minute Friday] Break

On Wednesday, as I was sitting in the teacher training seminar, I took a look at my fellow teacher trainees. A colleague leaned over and whispered, “Is it just me or do we look more exhausted each week?”
He was right.
Dark small eyes glanced back at me. Bored and incredibly tired expressions on their faces, many of us worked really hard to not fall asleep during pedagogy class.
We’re exhausted and in desperate need of a break.

Do you know this feeling? Your body is exhausted, your mind is tired.
You just need a break.

If we take a closer look at the word “break” we find it’s actually a very active verb.
Breaks don’t come upon us, we need to take them.
Break up the routine you’re in, the spinning wheel you can’t get out of.
The clusters and circles you’re stuck in.
Break with the thought patterns you entertain every day. The worries and questions tormenting your soul.
Break free from things and people holding you back.
Break through to rest. Peace of body, soul, and mind.
We need it desperately. Every day.

Often it doesn’t take much to have a break.
Give yourself time to get ready in the morning.
Enjoy your breakfast. Food in general is good. 🙂
Don’t work through your break time at work.
Take a walk.
Meet a friend for coffee and allow them to encourage you.
Read a book. No notes, just for you and for fun.
Listen to a piece of music, really listen. Let the instruments and the lyrics sink in and resonate with the strings of your soul.
Be still. Seek silence. Seek Him who promised to bind you wounds and refresh your empty soul.

It doesn’t take much to have a break.
But it does take your first step. Break is an active verb.
Where can you take a break today?

Want to make break a routine in your life? Then join me at Shelley Miller’s Sabbath Society – for all those who are all in for Sabbath, God’s desginated break for us.

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Taking a break from work and writing for fun – this is Five Minute Friday over at Kate Motaung‘s place. There’s also a great video interview with my friend Liz over there today! Why don’t you join us?

[Five Minute Friday] Open

My life is like a prison sometimes. I feel trapped in my day-to-day routine. I just function, but true life has left me.
My mind is like a prison sometimes. I mull the same thoughts and questions over and over, but there’s no answer that makes the spinning stop.
My soul is like a prison sometimes. Worries and fear of the unknown creep up and won’t let me sleep. The more I worry the bigger these forces become and tear me apart.

It’s so easy to become closed off.
Stuck in my own doings and pereceptions and worries.
Hidden from the world and other people.

How can you be a door opener
for other people?

But there is a door.
Only recently when I reflected upon this busy, busy year I had with final exams and studying 24-7, without any time for friends but a lot to worry about – only then did I realize I had a few doors along the way.
Or rather, door openers.

People like J.
Whenever I felt overwhelmed with questions and deadlines and my own emotions, there was J.
We would cook together or have coffee and she would listen.
And then speak firm and encouraging words.
She listened to my questions and pointed me towards answers.
She opened my perspective for more.
She restored a bit of hope where I had lost it.

J is a door opener.

Interesting enough, this year roles are reversed.
She’s stuck with exams and drowning in books.
She is overwhelmed with questions about the future.
She might also feel like in prison sometimes.
The other day we had lunch and talked a bit how much I appreciated her role in my life. And then she said, “but don’t you know that you’re my J?”

This touched something inside of me because that’s who I want to be.
I want to be someone’s J.
A friend who shares life with you.
A listener.
An encourager.
A thinker.
A “sit still and wait” person.
A perspective changer.
A hope restorer.
A door opener.

*Yes, there were other people in the last year, too, and I can’t thank them enough for being Js in my life! If you’re reading this, please know how much I appreciate you!

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Friday is writing time!Kate Motaung‘s Five Minute Friday party!
Five minutes to give it a go at