Five Minute Friday

If We Don’t Grow We’ll Die

It’s just been two weeks since I finished my teacher training, and it still feels unreal most of the time. Am I really done after such a long time of studying and practicing and learning?

Well, the certificate is done. But I guess I am not done learning. In fact I never want to be done.

There is a saying, “if you stop learning you’ll die.”

I don’t want to die.
Instead I want to continue learning.

I want to make myself available for new experiences that might come in unexpected times and places.
I want to keep my eyes open for the beautiful, the broken, the hope that’s so often forgotten.
I want to challenge myself to go outside my comfort zone and test the waters.
I want to let others tell me their story and share more of life together.

I don’t want to die.
Instead I want to continue growing.

I want to dig my roots deep into the ground so that I’m able to soar to new heights.
I want to plant myself in a fruitful community that allows us to help each other grow.
I want to get to know myself and God more and not shy away from the dark unknown corners.
I want to learn to root myself in who I was made to be and not who others want me to be.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

That Moment You Don’t Want to Feel

You know what the worst part of transition is?
That one moment when you realize it’s actually gone.
You have left and cannot return.
You have lost something or someone and you’ll never get them back.
The moment when the missing sets in and it hurts so badly.

I miss a lot of things and people.
I miss the relaxed time table of student life.
I miss the many friends in the many places I’ve lived in.
I miss the smell of certain places.
I miss the opportunities I didn’t take advantage of and which might have led to greatness.
I miss my childlike faith which seems so far away from me at the moment.

Missing is not a good place to be stuck in and we shouldn’t dwell on everything we don’t have all the time because it makes us blind for the wonders around us.
And yet we need to miss things and people.
Acknowledging that we miss them is the first important step in the grieving process. Allowing the motions to sweep our feet away until peace and gratitude settle in our hearts.

It’s okay to miss people, places, things, life stages, emotions.
Because I’d rather feel this than nothing at all.

What are the things and people you miss?

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

This Is Not Real

I walked out of the building and just stood there.
This was not happening.
This could not be real.
Just a few minutes ago the examiner had said, “Congratulations, you have passed.”

You see, this “Congratulations” was the last one to a long series of practical and oral exams as part of my teacher training.
And now it is over.
I am a teacher now.
Time to grow up and be a ‘real’ adult.

I can’t really describe how I feel.
I am still dizzy from excitement and a bit giddy that everything went to well.
I am still doubting that this really happened and it’s really over.
And yes (you know me), I am a bit nostalgic.
And era in my life comes to an end. Two decades of learning and training and education. From now on I get to teach and to train and to educate.
This is exciting, but immensely scary at the same time.

Life is full of transitions and changes, and you know what, that’s good.
Time passes by so quickly, and if we’re not careful, it passes us by.
So let’s enjoy now because you can never get it back.

Live in the moment.
Take in the beauty of today.
Spend time with the people around you.
Be thankful for the time that has passed by, for all the goodness you have seen, for all the grace you have received.
For all the treasures you’re able to pass on to the next day or person.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

And Yet

Just one small candle, its flame hardly seen against the bright blue sky.
But it was there.
Shining.
Making a statement.

Twenty something students and I had just visited a concentration camp to get a first hand experience what our dark past had been like. The memories of torture, suffering, and death where looming over the hill. The lives of so many who had died here were still somehow present.
And now we were here to remember them.

It was an eerie feeling.
These people had died at the hands of those who no longer seemed to be people.
They were animals.
They had taken away whatever humanity had still been left in the victims and treated them like a piece of waste.
No dignity, no honor, just shame.

Silence.

We remember those who suffered in the past, but realize the suffering of today as well.
The people who are forced into slave labor.
The people who suffer in prostitution or the porn industry.
The many refugees who wait at the gates of Europe and are met with nothing but hatred and spite.
The people who don’t fit into our little view of the world and we so often judge.

People are still cruel today.
Humanity and dignity is lost in so many places.

And yet.

One small candle makes a difference.
As more and more people light candles we come closer together.
We are all individuals, but we are also all together.
And together we can make this dark world a little brighter, a little better.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

It’s Worth Trying Again

Life lessons are all around us.
I often have an epiphany when I spend time with my godson P. He’s about a year now and doesn’t want to sit still anymore. No matter where he is, he’ll look out for some object or wall to pull himself up. This is not an easy thing to master, and very often he’ll make it halfway only to fall back down.

This is an activity P can do a million times over.
Pull himself up, fall back down. And repeat.
He doesn’t care about all these times he didn’t manage, he cares about the next time.
That one time he’ll find something steady to hold on to and eventually make it onto his feet.
He’s got this irrepressible will to live, to move, and to explore.

When exactly does it happen that pessimism settles in to our hearts?
Is it part of growing up that we sometimes stop fighting and investing and wanting?
When exactly does the will to persevere and explore and live leave our soul?

Yes, life kicks in and its everyday challenges certainly are not easy.
But I still hope to be a bit more like P some days.
Like a person who is driven enough by life to never stop wanting.
Whose passion is greater than the obstacles.
Who doesn’t care about all the times she’s missed a goal or failed at something, but uses these experiences to grow stronger and move forward.

Who doesn’t stop searching until she’s found that one thing that holds her steady and safe.
There’s a life out there, waiting to be explored.
It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth exploring.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

He’s Got My Whole World in His Hands

Last week we talked about decisions and how hard it is to make them.
Especially when they seem to alter our entire being, lifestyle, and faith.
But do they really?
I guess we often make our lives more complicated by listening to all these voices telling us that this next decision is it. This next step will change everything.
But does it really?

If you miss this bus, your entire day will be messed up.
If you wear the wrong color today, everyone’s going to stare at you.
If you take this job, you’ll miss out on so many other things.
If you’re not married by 28, you’ll die as an unhappy spinster.
If you don’t pray in the morning, your day will go by without any blessings.

It seems as if our whole world depended on this one tiny decision.
But does it really?

The world is messed up, I agree.
Look at the heart-wrenching news as soon as you go online or switch on the TV. The suffering doesn’t ever seem to stop.
So many broken relationships, so much desperation around me.
So many unanswered questions and uncertain futures.
As the world screams for decisions louder and louder, I can often just fall silent.

And then I hear that soft tune in my head. A kiddy song from my childhood.
He’s got the whole world in his hands.
What a staggering answer to all the decisions out there!
Of course, I still have to make them. Of course, not everything will fall into place. And not everything will go my way for sure.
And yet, these hands change everything.
No matter what I have for breakfast today, no matter if I miss this bus, no matter where I’ll work in the future, no matter how dark the news of the world are: He’s got the whole world – my world – in His hands. And I want to believe that nothing goes by unnoticed, uncared for, unloved by the Father.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

It’s Not Always Right or Wrong

Sometimes I don’t enjoy being an adult.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to go back to the crazy teenage years either, but sometimes I wish I was a child again. I would live at home, enjoy my mom’s cooking and go to school.

Most of all, I wouldn’t have to make decisions.

I feel like these days my life is full of decisions.
What do you want to study?
What kind of insurances do you want?
What kind of job are you looking for?
Where do you want to live in the next five years?
Don’t you want to get married?
What should I wear today?
What should I cook for dinner tonight?

Too many questions and decisions to be made. I guess you can add many more to the list. And I am overwhelmed and exhausted.
Decisions make me worry sometimes because it’s not always right or wrong.
There are too many choices out there, and what if I make the wrong decision?
You think too much, girl.

Yes, there are decisions to be made because I am an adult now, I guess this comes with the territory.
I can’t foresee the future.
I can’t go back to being that little girl, the past is gone.
What I can do, though, is learn a little bit from that girl I used to be.

Stop worrying once in a while and just be.
Be here in this day.
Take in the beauty of today and enjoy the little things.
Today I decide I want to be.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

I Want to Feel Alive

Yesterday I bought flowers.
They looked dead with their buds still closed and seemingly no color in them.

Somehow they were a good image for my current state of mind and heart.
It’s so easy to feel dead inside.

When your creativity is buried under piles of work and you find no time for the beautiful mundane.
When your ideas are hidden deep down below long to do lists.
When your joy is drained by all the questions and doubts your heart can’t get rid of.
When your hope is subdued whenever you read the news about wars and refugees and attacks.

There’s too much despair in the world to feel hope, to feel joy, to feel alive.
Today is Good Friday, the day of death.
The day when all seems to have come to an end.
Life has just gone.

No matter how deep we are in life with our work and questions and doubts, let’s remember that Friday is not the end.
Sunday is.
The day when death was left behind and brought us the gift of life, eternal life. The day when that closed bud breaks into full bloom.

One person makes all the difference.
He is life Himself and is able to bring back life to wherever we are seemingly dead.
It might just be a fan, a faint hope, a closed bud.
Cling and claw to that life He wants to give.
That’s all it takes.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today. Happy Easter everyone!

I Am (Not) Surprised

I’m a bit surprised.
And angry.
And disillusioned.
This week has been hard.
A lot of questions and doubts and struggles.
A lot of tears and hopes and fears.
So many question marks about the future.
So many unfulfilled desires.
And so little assurance and certainty of everything.

In my walk of life with its ups and downs I thought I had learned a bit.
I thought I had developed a bit of confidence in myself, in others, in You.
I thought I had learned enough truth which would now get me through the storm.
I thought I had become at least a little bit more mature in wisdom, life, and faith.

As I lie here in my restless state of mind and heart I realize that I am not surprised.
I am sobered.
In all the living and growing and struggling I still need You.
In all the knowing and learning I still need to trust You.
In all the wandering and moving I still need to find my home in You.
In all the worrying and questioning and doubting I just hope that You’ll be there every step of the way.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today. Have you heard? There will be a book compilation with the best pieces from the community. Check out the details at Kate’s page!

[Five Minute Friday] Share

The last year hasn’t been easy for me.
I transitioned into work life and had a lot of growing up to do. There were a lot of firsts and I had a lot to learn.

There were a lot of highs.

Like when a class went really well and I actually had fun with my students.
Like when planning becomes easier and inspiration comes when you need it the most.
Like when students and colleagues are no longer strangers.
Like when I discovered that I am still myself despite all the changes.

Of course, there were also a lot of lows.
Like the pile of work that never seems to end.
Like the looming deadlines that weigh so heavy on my shoulders.
Like the few hours of sleep and the tired legs – a constant reminder how exhausted I am.
Like the expectations others and myself have.
Like the worry that I won’t pass exams and won’t get a job afterwards.
Like the fear of what comes next.

Life is a cycle of ups and downs, highs and lows.
On this journey we are not alone.
In all the craziness I am beyond grateful to have traveling companions.
People who are in the same situation and know what I truly mean when I say I’m stressed.
People who can chip in their advice because they’ve got amazing expertise and turn my twisted thoughts into something logical.
People who cheer me on and understand when not everything goes my way.

They don’t solve my problems.
They just can’t.
But they are willing to share a piece of my life, my thoughts, my heart.
They are just there.
They remind me that this is not the end.
That there is more.
That there is someone who is always there, always ready to share in all of our joys and sorrows.

Who are your traveling companions?
May you have people who journey with you.
Who don’t make everything better, but who are willing to share a bit of your life and point you to the things that really matter.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.