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[Five Minute Friday] Doubt

I must confess I doubt. A lot.
It seems that doubt is normally associated with negative terms, something you’re not supposed to do, especially as a Christian.
And yet I doubt. I ask questions. I wonder.
I doubt that the day will be sunny when the morning looks really dark and cloudy.
I doubt that a friendship will get back on track.
I doubt people’s genuineness sometimes.
I doubt my own abilities when tasks just seem too demanding and overwhelming.
I doubt that dire situations will ever come to an end.
I see friends and family struggle, yes even battle with life, and all I can ask is Why?
I wonder about things going on in this world – war, loss, flight, hunger, poverty – and I can’t help but doubt that there is a good, big plan behind it.
I doubt if all of this will work out in the end.

I guess we all carry doubts with us.
These unanswered questions lingering in the back of our minds, creeping up once in a while.

I think it’s okay to doubt.
We grow when we wonder, when we ask questions.
When we don’t just accept things as given, but always strive to go deeper.

In the end its all about what we do with our doubts.
If we just settle in the status quo of unanswered questions or if we take action.
If we take our questions and doubts somewhere.
To someone.
The realist says, “I doubt this will work so I won’t attempt it.”
The fideist says,”I have doubts, yes. But I also have faith in someone bigger and stronger, and more omniscient than I could ever be. Someone who says ‘with me nothing is impossible’. So let’s try.”

What are some of your doubts and what do you do with them?

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It’s Friday and I am writing with many other writers over at Five Minute Friday. Come and join us?

[Five Minute Friday] Celebrate

It is Friday. Finally. This has definitely been a long week.

A week of firsts.

The first time I walked into a room of students and introduced myself as their teacher. Not the intern, the teacher.

The first time I made my own rules and people actually listened.

The first time I walked out of a bad lesson and had no other teacher to blame but me.

One day was particularly frustrating and I carried that negative undertone with me all day. What had happened? Nothing much actually, but I had allowed minor things or the minority of a really good class to get to me.

It’s so easy to let one dark spot overshadow the bright whole, isn’t it?

And yet it’s so human.

We tend to look for mistakes instead of success.

We tend to linger on our weaknesses instead of maximizing our strengths.

We tend to complain about our lack instead of enjoying the abundance we already live in. We tend to mourn instead of celebrating.

Over the last year I’ve gone back again and again to a song called “The Art of Celebration”.

It really is an art.

To celebrate no matter the circumstances.

And I am not talking about making merry and singing cheerful songs when all you want to do is cry. I am talking about singing after all, no matter how feeble the sound.

Your voice might quiver and break, but you keep on singing.

Your eyes might tear up, but you keep on looking out for the little blessings all around you. The good potential in everyone that sometimes takes a bit more time to uncover.

The energy and strength that comes from simple activities like a restful Sunday, a cup of good coffee, a few pages of a good book, a chat with a friend.

The belief that the sun is still there even though you can’t see it through the thick dark clouds.

Celebration is an art. Let’s practice it a bit more every day.

Celebrating with writing friends at Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Same

Last week I was in Lisbon.
We walked up the old cobblestone streets and marvelled at the view over this old and colorful city. We enjoyed good food and great company. We explored a bit more of Lisbon’s rich history.

One day we spent at a monastery and its church.
As I was sitting in a bench enjoying the quiet peaceful atmosphere I noticed a girl. She walked through the room quite fast, her view fixed forward.
In her hand she held a phone which she pointed at the statues and the decor around her. The red ‘record’ button shone brightly in the dimly light nave.
She was there, in this beautiful old building, but yet she wasn’t.
She looked at architecture and painted windows, and yet she didn’t.
She rushed by as if everything was the same.
Instead of taking in the details, instead of collecting impressions she collected a quick recording, a mere snapshot on a phone which will never, ever match reality.

As I saw this girl racing by with her phone on record and no time to take in the real beauty in front of her, I had to think.
Don’t we sometimes have the same attitude?
We visit a new city and try to document as much as possible.
Every meal, every moment of happiness must be instagrammed before we might enjoy it.
We meet up with friends for coffee, but often we’re both on a run, so fellowship better happen fast.
We gather for church on Sundays, but the service can’t take more than two hours because everyone wants to get home for lunch on time.
We are here, in this life, and yet we are not. We rush by as if everything was the same.

Let’s break out of this ‘same’ box.
Let’s step down from the treadmill this life often has us on and actually…live.
Let’s not put an end to a coffee date, just enjoy the time you have. Focus on the details, discover that your friend will never be the same like someone else.
Let’s travel and not be rushed. Cross off a few sights on your list and rather watch a city’s people. Learn a building’s history and take in the beauty which is often hidden in small things. Decide to not take pictures with your camera, but with your heart.
Let’s enjoy Sundays again and experience what happens when we truly wait for the Lord.
Let’s be here.
Let’s collect moments, not things.

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Linking up with Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Yes

Yesterday a picture went viral.
A police officer carrying the dead body of little boy out of the Mediterrenean sea in Turkey. The boy had tried to flee across the sea and had drowned in a boat that’s been way too small and way too old for such a precious load.
This is not the first incident, it’s just the peek of inhumanity in a series of terrible events going on in Europe at the moment. People trying to enter our countries, and all they hear is NO.
NO to a place to stay.
NO to something to eat.
NO to transport.
NO to a job.
NO to them as people, as human beings who have something to offer to this world and community.
The daily news of burned down refugee homes, aggressive demonstrations and the most horrible posts on social media make it hard to believe in a bright future, in something better to come.
There’s just NO and uncertainty.

But in all that darkness, in the midst of desperation, there’s a YES.
A YES that resounds from the beginning of time when it was first spoken.
The YES that the One God uttered and then made people.
YES to create fragile, tempted, vulnerable, often horrible, hurting human beings.
YES to beloved children who make a lot of mistakes and are more lost than they would ever know, yet are also more saved than they will ever dare to hope.

His YES starts ringing like a whisper in our hearts, gaining strength until it fills our entire being.
He said YES to us. And His YES can give us the courage, faith, and strength to say YES to others.
YES to welcoming people into our countries.
YES to opening our doors to them.
YES to listening to their stories, holding their hands when they’re shaking with fear.
YES to giving away food, housing, any kind of support.
YES to mirroring Jesus in places of despair and uncertainty.
Let there be YES and a bit more hope in this broken, broken world.

If you’re as disgusted and compelled as me by the happenings in Europe at the moment, please check out more resources. And pray, if that’s all you can do.

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Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Find

People who know me would probably agree that I am a patient person.
Someone who can wait.
But there are exceptions.
When it comes to finding something I can be really impatient. Like a small child that is supposed to find a toy in its mess of a room. I look once and don’t find it, “See? I looked and I didn’t find anything.” And then I sulk.
I become impatient.
At the toy that’s not there. At the world for no obvious reason. At myself.

The Bible also talks about seeking in the famous verse:

Seek and KEEP ON SEEKING and you will find.

See, I guess I am not so good with that second part.
I seek and I often don’t find.
Because I don’t keep on seeking.
I don’t have the courage and patience to go after something again and again. And probably again the next day.

Not finding means missing out on some of the great things in life.
The beauty of nature in unexpected places because we walk around with our eyes closed.
Depth in friendships because we don’t keep on investing in someone.
The strength and courage in ourselves which will only grow if we take on a challenge.
The Lord’s peace that only comes when we stay close to Him.
The gift of His presence we often don’t detect in the hectic of every day life.
We will find things we never set out to seek in the first place – let’s be more adventurous and patient to find them!

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Writing with many others over at Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Learn

A few weeks into my teacher training I heard it for the first time. “You’re such a nerd!”
It brought back memories for me. Memories of high school when I was called the same way, especially during exam seasons.
And surprisingly, it was never meant in the negative way.

I’m a nerd. I like to learn.
It’s fascinating to read about other cultures, other people’s views on things, delicious food recipes.
I like to take everything in and compare my own ideas with it.
I enjoy digging deeper into the bible, looking at historical backgrounds and its influences on the parables.
I sometimes look up greek words and their meanings which sometimes turn my whole understanding around.
I like sermons that don’t stay on the ‘feelings’ level.

But I guess I am also a ‘people nerd’.
More than I want facts and knowledge, I want relationship.
Connection.
I want to get to know someone on a deeper level.
I really struggle to walk away from a conversation with only knowledge or objective facts.
I want something personal because we have just made a connection.

This requires effort, the right questions and the courage to ask them.
It requires honesty and the bravery to give away something of yourself.
And it requires a lot (yes, a lot!) of time and investment.
But it’s worth it, trust me.
In the end, in times of need, knowledge can only get you so far – but friends will take the long walk with you.

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Linking up with Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Here

One of the ‘perks’ of being a missionary kid is the travel during furlough.
Well, ‘perks’ in this case might be ironic because it’s not really fun, especially not as a kid.
You travel from church to youth group to ladies’ breakfast to small group meeting and talk about your work as a missionary in some remote place. And the kids are shown around like a trophy or support the ‘performance’ with a funny story.
Tons of people look at you and talk to you as if they were your best friends. They know so much about you, you don’t even remember their names.

And all of them are very, very excited about what God is doing in Africa.
Because that’s what missions is all about, right?
Going to a foreign country to share the gospel.

I think this is the first things that comes to a lot of people’s minds when they hear missions.
It’s not here, it’s somewhere out there.
It’s with people of a different country, language, faith.
So you either have to pack your bags and go, or you make sure you support a few missionaries while you earn your money at home.

It has been six years since I came home from South Africa.
Six years without being a missionary kid or missionary myself.
But does that mean I have not done missions?

We’re not all called to go to different countries, but we are all called to be witnesses.
To share the gospel with our lives.
With our weaknesses and failures.
With our successes and joys.
We are called to stand beside those who are alone.
Walk with those who struggle along the way.
Listen to those who have no one to talk to.
Bless someone in small ways.

We can all do missions right here and right now.
Why?
Because it is not our job to save the world.
We are called to see.
See what the Lord is already doing and join him in His mission.
Then missionary stories and excitement will no longer just be other people’s stories, they will be our lives.

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Linking up with Five Minute Friday today. Congrats to Kate Motaung for one year of hosting!

[Five Minute Friday] Try

Do you remember these scenes at the dinner table when you were younger?
“Mom, I don’t like cheese on the pizza.” – “But you have to eat it.”
“I don’t want to eat cheese. I don’t like cheese.” – “How come you don’t like cheese?” – “I don’t know, I never tried.”
– “See? You never tried. Well, I’m telling you girl, you don’t get to leave this table until you have tried at least one bit of cheese!”
Today cheese is one of my favorite bits on the pizza.

If you’re a parent you might have to go through these arguments with your own kids over and over again. A child who has never tried, but also never knew how much it missed out.

I find myself in similar arguments today with God.
I don’t like the tasks he sets before me, the people he wants me to connect with, the challenges that will help me grow.
I want to remain right where I am, right in my comfort zone.
So I sit at his table, stare at his offers, and wait.

The truth is, we will never know how good the “cheese” out there is unless we try.
We’ll never experience the freedom unless we’re willing to leave some old boxes behind.
We’ll never enter a new level of intimacy unless we have the courage to open up in our relationships.
We’ll never make new friends unless we leave the comfort of our own four walls once in a while.
We’ll never see more of the world unless we are willing to leave our six mile radius.
We’ll never see the growth in our lives unless we face the challenges to get there.
We’ll never see the beautiful view from the mountain top unless we take on the task to climb that hill.

We’ll never experience the strong hand of our heavenly Father, lifting us up on his shoulders, saying “Come on, child, let’s try it together” unless we decide to let go and let him win that argument.
Again.
And again.

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Writing for Five Minute Friday over at Kate Motaung‘s place today.

[Five Minute Friday] Ten

The other day I was at a party.
About 250 people there, most of whom I knew.
Well, “knew” is a bit overrated. I know their names, what they do, that’s it.

Occasions like this remind me of my true nature.
As much as I love the crowds and their energy, as much as everyone says I am an extrovert and people-person – deep down inside there is this shy girl that can’t handle the masses, the noise, the superficial talk over and over again.

And the more I come to think of it, the more I’m okay with it.
I’m okay with not being okay in big crowds.
I’m okay with not connecting with everyone and talking with as many people as possible.

People and their relationships are an interesting thing.
How and when do we connect with others?
Most of the people I met at that party were there because we all do the same thing – teach.
We sit together in classes, we laugh at the same jokes, we spend our breaks together. For this assigned time we live in this bubble together and feel like we’re the best friends ever.
But after class ends, when everyone goes home to their own lives, we are not.
We are just two people who might run into each other on the street, say hello, move on.

We need people like this in our lives.
Whatever we may call them (acquaintances, friends, temporary friends…), we need people to walk alongside us for a specific time. It doesn’t have to be much, not very intense, it’s just there for the moment. When this time ends – how many of these relationships will survive?

We can’t survive on these crowds, on mere acquaintances, superficial talks.
We need something more.
Deeper connection. Scratching below the surface. Taking off our masks.
People we want to invest in, pour our time and soul into.
People who invest in and pour into us.
Walk through the light and the heavy days together.
Cheer each other on in tough times, rejoice over victories.
It doesn’t have to be the crowds, it only takes a few.
Ten people, maybe only three or five.
Maybe only one.

Are you a crowd or a “ten’s enough” person? Who pours into your life? Who do you choose to invest in?

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Connecting with a fabulous bunch of writers at Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Free

I don’t know what you remember from your teenage years (or how much you actually want to remember), but one thing that I took away from it was that it was hard. A lot of struggles.
Who are my true friends?
What kind of music do I really like?
Why do I do the things I do?
How do I want my life to look like?
What is my opinion on xyz?

I especially struggled with my faith.
Why do I believe in God?
Does the way I believe in him actually make sense?
I felt limited in my expressions of faith, boxed in by opinions I had been taught by family and church.
It was time to break out.

The road to freedom often is not a golden-paved way to the promised land.
Rather a stony, hilly path into the unknown.

I also remember conversations with people outside the bubble I had grown up in.
People who lived a completely different lifestyle, had completely different opinions.
People who asked lots of questions and forced me to re-evaluate myself, to step away from all of it for a while and look at things from a distance.
People who encouraged me to pull away the layers of my life that were no longer part of my self.
They were present in my struggles, cheered me on in my search, helped me get rid of unnecessary baggage so that I could finish the race.

Well, the race is not finished yet.
But the more I see and experience in life, the more people I meet, the more I step out of my comfortzone and boxed-in beliefs – the more I discover the great freedom that’s out there.
Freedom to be and not just do.
Freedom to make mistakes.
Freedom to grow.
Freedom to discover and learn.
Freedom to climb up that hill, no matter how long it may take.
Freedom to believe and discover more of God’s facets in unexpected places.
Freedom to live.

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Linking up with my writing friends over at Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday.