It’s Different Now

About a year ago I wrote about my first weeks into the new teaching job. I wondered how I didn’t know who I was anymore because life had changed so much in a few months.

A year ago our school had a winter sports day and I went ice skating with 250 students. I had been at the school for a week and didn’t really know anyone, so it was pretty awkward standing at the ice rink watching students I didn’t know the names of, together with teachers I had just met. Conversations were rare and circled mostly around job-related questions or people kept to themselves. We were the new ones.

photo-1447702027526-66133549fbd7This was a year ago.

A few weeks ago we had the same winter sports day and once again I went ice skating. Mostly the same teachers, maybe even the same students.
But it was different this time.
I was standing at the rink, talking to other teachers. They aren’t strangers anymore, they are colleagues. Some of them even friends.
We shared the latest news, exchanged teaching ideas. We laughed at the students on the ice because we knew the stories behind the faces.

“Mrs vD, look at me! I just learned to skate!”
“ Can you take a picture of me?”
“Mrs vD, why aren’t you on the ice? You have to join us!”

So I did. And I was treated with smiling faces of some happy students.

What has changed in that one year?

Yes, I still have to get up quite early, and many mornings it’s a real struggle to get myself out of bed. But I have learned to appreciate the early mornings and have been blessed with so many beautiful sunrises, God’s abundant gift of generosity.

Yes, I am still tired a lot and can’t always stay up late. But I have learned to manage my time well so that work can be done in a reasonable amount of time. I am surprised that lesson planning and all the teaching work does get faster as I gain more experience. I have discovered that I do in fact have time for friends and hobbies. That I have to make time for these in order to remain sane and spiritually healthy.

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Yes, I have had to cut short some relationships and my inbox is still ridiculously full with emails of dear friends waiting to hear from me. I have mourned how some relationships have changed over the years. But I have learned that I can also meet great people in new places. I have made some interesting connections with colleagues in the course of the year, they have helped me a lot settle in to this new routine and life. God is present in my mundane, and I often see Him in other people.

Yes, teaching is exhausting. You get the hang of lesson plans and how to be creative in like no time. but there’s still the people. No matter how good your ‘script’ is, it can all fall to pieces when your class doesn’t get what you mean or just has a bad day.

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A group of 20-30 youngsters is a bunch of lifestyles, opinions and knowledge and it’s quite an interesting challenge to work with them each week. Each class is different and you can’t predict what’ll happen. This is scary and exciting at the same time.

Most of all, though, the classes are full of people.
Individual human beings, each with their unique biography and life story.
A story that deserves to be heard.

photo-1457369804613-52c61a468e7dA lesson passes by so quickly and time to listen, really listen, is rare.
I only get to see bits and pieces of my students, but once in a while they allow me a glimpse inside their heart. And I can’t help but find myself wanting to talk to them, to listen and discover more.
These are no longer people I don’t know or some strange kids. These are my kids.

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Yes, life has certainly changed quite a bit in the last year.
I have learned so much about life and work and other people.
In all of this, I still know who I am. I am still me, there are just a few new features in my life now.
While some aspects of the job will always be a struggle for me and I won’t always enjoy it, I have discovered that people are the real adventure. They make all the difference.

[Five Minute Friday] Quiet

Have we met?
We might have met on a conference or congress. We might have met in church. We might have connected through the lovely Five Minute Friday community. We might have run into each other somewhere around the globe.

People often say, “The first impression counts”, and I sometimes wonder what people think when they meet me.

The one who’s always up on some stage.
The talker.
The people person.
The networker.
The leader.

I don’t mind being called that, this is who I am.
But I sometimes wonder how many people know the other side of me.
The side that’s not up on some stage or leading someone.

I sometimes call myself an extro-introvert.
I actually like the quiet.

photo-1442504028989-ab58b5f29a4aAs much as I love meeting people and coaching them to discover their potential and the beauty around them I want to connect on a deeper level.

As much as I love sharing about things I’ve learned I want to hear.

As much as I sometimes need to get out and seek the crowds I want to appreciate the quiet.

I want to appreciate you.
I value words.

Your words.

Your story you so boldly share and allow me to hear.
That piece of your heart you decide to give away and allow me witness.
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The quiet is a safe space where people are ready to open up and connect on a deeper level.
The quiet is a sanctuary where the noises of the world are not allowed to penetrate this peaceful atmosphere.
The quiet is the place where we slow down enough to listen, really listen to each other. Where we sit still and wait.
Where we open up our empty hands and hearts and whisper, “Lord, here we are. Speak.”

 Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Present

You know why I love language? Because it gives you treasures to dig up and discover. Meanings you haven’t thought of before. Things that make you wonder and smile.

Present.
A noun talking about the time right here and right now.
Yesterday is past and we can’t do anything to change it. We don’t have to forget about it, but we’re not supposed to let it haunt us into today.
Tomorrow is the future and we can’t predict what will happen. Even our best laid plans can be thrown over within seconds.

All we have is right now.

A day of 24 wonderful hours – time to sleep and rest our head after a busy day, time to work and be productive, time to talk to friends and invest in their lives, time to eat and enjoy, time to waste with regretting the past or worrying about the future.

What will you do with your present?

Present.
A noun talking about the gifts we give and receive.
We think of colorful wrapping paper, glittery surfaces and children’s birthday parties.

There’s more.

Presents are the sunrise in the early morning hours, the deep breaths that remind you that you’re alive (still!).
The smell of coffee, the joke of a colleague, the hug of a friend, the warm bed at night.
The conversation that stirs your mind and touches your heart.
The soft whisper of God encouraging you if you’re quiet enough to listen.

 What presents have you been given this week?

Be here today. Live in the present and discover its many little presents.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Time

Time.

What a word in a week of very little time. It was the first week after the holidays and I was overwhelmed with everything I had to do. No, time wasn’t really available.

Do you have time?

Yesterday I went to the library to print something and I ran into an old friend. We started some small talk and he had some questions. So we sat down.
“Do you have time for this?”, he asked.
I thought of my to do list, the stacks of papers to organize, the lessons to plan…
“Yes, let’s talk.”
Sometimes you have to make time.

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Do you have time?

Time to pause for a moment in your rush to work to inhale the fresh morning air.
Time to recognize the first snowflakes making their way to the ground. Yes, winter has finally made it to Germany.
Time to enjoy the food you’re eating and start a conversation with a colleague about life and faith in a depth you never expected.
Time to take a deep breath and remind yourself that stress is not the end of the world. You can do more than you think.
Time to listen to a friend in need.

Time to hear the Father whispering, “Do you have time, my child, to discover all the little treasures I have hidden in the mundane for you to enjoy?”

Do you have time for the beautiful ordinary this week?

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Making time to write for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] First

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

I hope you had some quiet weeks to spend time with your family, stuff yourself with good food and let the Christmas joy settle in your heart.
And to ring in the New Year in all corners around the world.

January. First month of the year.
Beginning of so many new things.
Quite a lot of people use the new year to come up with resolutions.
This is what I will do this year. Well, maybe until January 10 until work starts again and you just need these guilty pleasures or weaknesses to keep you going.
I’m not a big fan of these resolutions because they put so much pressure on me and the disappointment coming along with them is not really helping.
So here are some things I will NOT do in the next year.

I will not be able to keep up with all the friends around the globe, as much as I want to. I will, though, be more intentional in my investing and sharing.

I will not work 24-7 and carry the world’s weight on my shoulders. More than that, I will practice keeping Sabbath and organizing my week and heart towards it, not away from it.

I will not do quiet time every day and feel bad about it. God can be found outside my room at 5 a.m. and I want to challenge myself to find Him in unexpected places.

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I will not sit around and wait for the perfect plan to move forward, the perfect guy to show up, the perfect job to secure my future. Waiting time is never wasted time and I want to make the most of the days right in front of me.

I will not keep up the facade of a happy clappy, perfectly-in-order life every single day. That would be a lie. I am a human being that struggles like everyone else, that falls and has to deal with her mess. I will, however, practice more vulnerability.

This year I will learn to not DO.
I will BE.

What are some of the things you want to learn this year? I would love to hear from you!

Writing for Five Minute Friday today. One prompt, five minutes on the timer and Go! No editing, but lots of sharing and connecting! Come and join us?

[Five Minute Friday] Season

Yesterday I went for a walk with a friend. The sun was already down and we were enclosed in darkness. People brushed by us with their faces tucked away in thick winter coats. We wore hats, coats and gloves, but it was still cold.

As we walked the busy streets of our town I realized how much I detest the cold.
I don’t like my whole body shuddering in these low temperatures.
I don’t like tense muscles because I’m shivering so much.
I don’t like wet feet because the beautiful white snow has become some brown disgusting slump.
I don’t like people running past each other, everyone in a hurry to get out of the cold. We’re generally in a bad mood because, well, it’s just too cold.
I don’t like that it’s Advent, but I am way too busy to even slow down, reflect and let Christmas joy settle in my worry-haunted heart.

Since I spent a few years in warmer realms I am naturally inclined towards the sun.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have summer all year round, I would suggest in my dreams.
Recently I’ve come to answer this question with no.

Despite the cold and the moody people, winter has its beauty.
There are lights and the smell of freshly cut branches in the house.
There’s baking Christmas cookies and gathering for tea times with friends.
There are slower songs that bring back memories from all those winters when we were small.

There’s a moment of slowing down, letting go, death.
Creating space for unseen things to grow and unfold.
Practicing patience while waiting for spring to bring back new life and new dreams.

Winter is a moment for the soul to pause and cleanse itself. When the first rays of sun and blossoms break through in spring it is ready to rejoice and take in new life.

Just as nature blossoms and dies we need these seasons to learn, to wait, to grow.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Table

It’s quite unusual for a TCK to think about settling down and owning a home, but sometimes these thoughts pop into my head.
Dreams of a house, a big old house with plenty of rooms to have guests over who don’t have to sleep on the floor.
A large kitchen to cook and experiment.

And a table.

A large table to seat many people.

The people who come to my parents’ house probably remember one thing: being stuck at the table. In a good way.
We have lunch or dinner together and we start talking. And somehow we share and engage and discuss so much that we don’t realize how fast time flies.
Many good memories and thoughts were created at that table.

I want people who come to my house to remember similar things.
For now it’s no big house or large kitchen, but rather a small student apartment (it’s old, though) and a small table with shaky legs.

Nevertheless, I want to make memories.

My table should be a place for good conversations to take place.

A place where people are brave enough to open up and don’t have to keep up a painful façade.
A place where we connect over the simple activity of cooking and eating and experience the Lord’s presence right in the middle of it.

A place where we worship and pray with our songs and stories and realize that the church is right where people gather to break bread and enjoy fellowship with the Lord and each other.
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Fellowship is so precious and essential for our spiritual well-being.
We often try to foster it through bigger words or louder songs.
But often it can be as simple as sharing a meal with someone and hearing their story.
You’d be surprised how much you’ll see the Lord in that other person if you decide to listen and break bread with them.

Who can you invite to your table this week?

 Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Dwell

dwell (dwɛl).

Verb.
1. To live somewhere
2. To look at something for a long time

It’s always refreshing to spend time with P, my godson.
He’s not even a year old and can’t say a word. And yet we ‘talk’. It’s a joy to spend time with him and watch him move.
The way he touches objects for the first time.
The way he moves around and slowly expands the little radius he calls his world.
The way he looks at things. Really looks at things.

The other day I wore earrings and he spent about thirty minutes just looking at it again and again. Running his small fingers across the surface, turning it back and forth to take in every detail.
He’s got all the time in the world.
No meeting to attend, no emails to reply to, no friend meeting somewhere.
No inner voice telling him to move on.
He can just dwell.

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I don’t know when it happens that life takes on this incredible speed we all seem to run at.
During breakfast we already plan the day ahead of us.
At night we reflect on all the challenges we had to face during the day.
Goodness, I even detected myself drifting off in conversations. While my friend was talking I was already planning next day’s lessons. My incoherent answers to her questions made me realize how off I really was.
We always need to move forward.
Towards the next weekend, the next vacation, the next promotion, the next partner.
We’re not allowed to dwell.
To stay in one place for a longer time.
To look at things and people – really look at them.
Run our hands across the surface and take in all the details.
Invest the time to dig deeper until we reach some deeper level of intimacy.
Enjoy and rest in this moment until that inner voice is silenced by a deep, deep peace.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Weary

I had it coming for a while now.
Too many weeks of running around, stressing out about all the things I had to do.
Too many days of not enough sleep, quick lunches or no food at all.
Too many hours of sitting at the computer, planning and worrying.
Too often the feeling of being overwhelmed, wondering how I could manage it all.
It started with a soft itching in my throat. Then a running nose. Then a feeling of heaviness in my legs. Now I am writing this from my bed, lying down with the flu.

I am weary. And sick.

I guess we all know this feeling of everything being simply too much. 
We work too many hours because something just has to be done.
We don’t take time to relax, to really enjoy a meal.
We take chances and keep on working even though our bed’s calling for us. Sure we can survive on little sleep, but we shouldn’t have to.
We push everyone away because we’re so buried in work and worry.
We are weary, but we won’t admit it.

A few weeks ago I complained to my roommate how everything was just too much and I didn’t know where to start anymore.
She said, “You do know you’re allowed to say NO?”
My head knows, but my heart needs to know it, too.
My hands needs to release the task I hold on to so firmly and relax.
My mind needs to let go of the thought it keeps mulling over and shut down for a while. My spirit needs to stop worrying and come to rest.
My lips need to muster up the courage and say the redemptive words:
Stop.
No.
I am weary.
I need help.

If you’re weary this week, pause for a moment.
Allow yourself to rest a bit.
Your self does not depend on what you do.
Reach out for rest.
Reach out for help.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Dance

A few years ago I finally took my first ballroom dance lessons.
My roommate had nagged me about it for years, “You have to go, it’ll make you happy.” But I always found some excuse. Sure, I wanted to learn to dance, but I just never found the time or inspiration.

I came home after the first lesson and something was different.
My feet hurt and my hips weren’t used to the steps yet, but I was elated.
My spirits soared and I couldn’t stop smiling.
I felt like being high.
This feeling hasn’t changed ever since, dancing is such a wonderful experience.
It releases a joy and freedom inside of you that you never knew you had in you. 

Unfortunately, I don’t have a dance partner at the moment and way too little time to dance often. But I often dream about it.
I wish there was more dance in my life.
Not just the steps and movements, but the elatedness that comes from it.
The easiness with which your feet touch the ground and move around.
It makes you feel light, as if you could anything.
The high spirits and deep joy that make something inside of you come alive.
Some hidden freedom that needed to be released.
The freedom to just be, to just do – because you feel like it.
The freedom to not care about how you look or what others would say about you.
The courage you get to try out new steps and create new beauty.
The little twitchings in your feet that make you want to dance everywhere.

I wish there was more dance in all our lives.
More of that freedom to be and do.
More of that releasing power.
More of that joy and hope.
More of that life.

Writing for Five Minute Friday today.