[Five Minute Friday] Release

My life is crazy busy, every friend trying to meet up with me or trying to contact me knows that (and I am terribly sorry about that!).
But often my mind seems even crazier.
Too many things going on at the same time.
Too many impressions waiting to be processed.
Too many questions wanting to be answered.
Too many stories to tell.

Sometimes I just want it all to stop. To just press pause, process, and then move on.

I need to release some of the thoughts and processes bottled up within me, otherwise I explode.
So I write.

Thoughts come to my mind, frames are filled up with images.
Loose ideas turn into phrases, sentences.
My hands pick up these ideas and translate them onto this virtual piece of paper.
Now they are out there, my thoughts, ideas, fears, and dreams.
And I feel a little more structured and at peace.

But why do I click “publish”? Why do I allow people from all across the world to read my mind?
See a little bit of myself even though they don’t even know me?

Sometimes you have to release a bird to see if it can fly.
You have to release an idea, a thought, a dream, or even something you’re struggling with.
Because sometimes, it comes back to you. In the form of a comment, an email, a personal meet-up. There is people out there who had similar ideas, struggled with the same thoughts, or didn’t dare to voice their fears.
Releasing a piece of my mind, of my story, helped them to release a piece of their soul.

“You never know the true value your story carries until you see it in the eyes of someone else who really needed to hear that story” (borrowed from my very gifted friend Tyler).

So go, release a piece of your mind.
And wait for the piece that will come back to you.

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Releasing a bit of my story today on Five Minute Friday by Lisa-Jo Baker! One word, five minutes of writing, no editing. And sharing with a wonderful community of fellow writers.

[Five Minute Friday] Messenger

What makes a messenger powerful?
Is it the words he uses – only if they fit together perfectly, only if his arguments are logically and powerful will he convince his audience to believe his message?
Is it his personality – only with great confidence and empathy for others will he get his point across?
Does a message have to be spoken in order to be heard?
More and more, I am beginning to learn that the most powerful messenger is the one who doesn’t say anything at all. 
Who doesn’t climb tables to raise his voice. 
Who doesn’t have to be on stage in order to be heard. 
Who doesn’t preach and complain about all the things that are wrong in this world. 
Instead of speaking, he ACTS. 
He doesn’t come up with any logical arguments – he simply acts out whatever he has come to believe. 
He doesn’t worry about his personality – he practices confidence and bravery in the face of challenges and turmoils. 
He doesn’t complain about this world – he shows love and empathy to people in need and makes their world a little brighter.
He doesn’t preach of injustice – he stands up to make the world a little better. 
One thing, one person at a time.
 
He doesn’t SPEAK the message. 
He IS the message. 
And I believe it will be clearly heard. 
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Today I am linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker and fellow writers over at Five Minute Friday!

[Five Minute Friday] Hands

I’ve been given miracle workers.

They dig deep and work great things.
They carry heavy things and move other things around.
They are formed precisely to hold tiny objects like needles to sew, or open the knots in my shoe laces.

They run smoothly over raw material and create.
They hold a pen and write.
They dance over piano keys and compose.
They touch someone in need and offer comfort.
They hug a long-lost friend and express what some words could not do.

They are held closely together as I pray to the One who is in perfect control.
They are lifted up high to praise the creator of all things, the savior, and the restorer of piece.
They reach out to HIM, the ultimate miracle maker.

My hands are miracle workers.
Every single finger was made for a purpose, and only together my hands can do what they were created to do.
They were tiny when I was young, they might be dirty at times now, and they probably will be wrinkly as I get older.
No matter what, they are miracle workers.
Where can I put them to work today?

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I use my miracle workers of hands to write my thoughts and link up with a community over at Lisa Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday. See you there?

[Five Minute Friday] Nothing

There I was, sitting on the floor in an empty room.
Crying.
Shocked by myself.
I didn’t even know myself anymore.
I had just walked out on a crowd of people.
I could not bear the happiness anymore. All I felt was hatred, exhaustion, and such heaviness.
I had to leave.
After months and months of giving and pouring into people, events, schedules – I had nothing left to give.
I peered into this nothingness and knew I would have a long journey ahead of me.

Sometimes it might be necessary for us to hit rock bottom.
To realize our empty hands and even more, our thirsty, exhausted hearts.
To give in to our need to be filled first, to receive so that we can pass it on to others.
To discover again that there’s something there.
Something we’re passionate about, something we’ve learned and others can learn it from us.
Something that doesn’t drive us away from people, but actually right to where they are.

But it doesn’t come right away.
It takes time to walk through this nothingness, to process this feeling of emptiness.
And to get to the place, this fountain of life and abundance, ready to fill our empty souls and hands again with more than we can ever imagine or ask for.

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One prompt. Write for five minutes flat and link up with fellow writers over at Lisa Jo Baker‘s Five Minute Friday!

I Shall Not Want/Mir fehlt nichts

Shopping and I seem to have a love-hate relationship.
I enjoy going through markets, taking in the smell of fresh fruits and vegetables, and looking at the stunningly bright colors.
I love going grocery shopping with friends (who also happen to be excellent cooks), knowing that the treasures we now buy will end up in an amazing dinner.

I just got back from the grocery store, and I hated it.
Somehow I had forgotten that tomorrow is a public holiday in Germany. Just one day. A Thursday, which means people can go buy everything they need on Friday and Saturday.
They just have to survive one day.
One. Day.

As I stood at the checkout, about five people in the line in front of me, and another six behind me, I began to wonder.
Why do people buy so much?
Wonder quickly turned into slight anger and schock.
One day with the shops closed, and we all go nuts.
We fear we won’t have enough.
We worry we won’t have the exact thing we’re craving for tomorrow, even though our refrigerators and cupboards will be stacked with cans, frozen goods, and fresh food.
If the shops were closed for a week we would still live comfortably and have a choice of what to eat everyday.

So where does it come from – this fear of not having enough?
This feeling of need, want, and lack?
It seems the more we have, the stronger that fear is rooted inside of us.
It might start with ordinary things like food, but it goes on to money, clothes, friends, appreciation, love. We will probably never come to the point where we’re able to say: We have enough.

But it is something I want to practice a bit more often.
Not giving into fear, but reminding my anxious soul that there is someone who can satisfy my every need, who can meet my lack in every aspect of life.
With Him, I shall not, and I will not want.

Still in that checkout line, a song came to my mind. It beautifully puts these fears into words, but also writes about the taste that stills everyone in need.

“From the love of my own comfort
From the fear of having nothing
From a life of worldly passions
Deliver me O God

From the need to be understood
From the need to be accepted
From the fear of being lonely
Deliver me O God
Deliver me O God

And I shall not want, I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want
When I taste Your goodness I shall not want”     (Audrey Assad. I Shall Not Want)


Einkaufen und ich haben eine sehr gespaltene Beziehung. 
Ich gehe gerne auf den Markt, nehme den Geruch von frischen Früchten und Gemüse auf und staune über die vielen strahlenden Farben.
Ich liebe Einkaufen mit Freunden (die gute Köche sind), denn ich weiß, dass alle Kostbarkeiten, die wir jetzt kaufen, werden später ein fabelhaftes Essen ergeben.

Ich komme gerade vom Einkaufen, und ich habe es gehasst.
Ich hatte vergessen, dass morgen Feiertag in Deutschland ist. Nur ein Tag. Ein Donnerstag, man kann also danach alles kaufen, was man für die nächsten Tage braucht.
Man muss nur einen Tag überleben.
Einen. Tag.

Ich stand also in der Schlange vor der Kasse, fünf Leute vor mir und sechs hinter mir. Und ich begann nachzudenken.
Warum kaufen Leute so viel?
Verwunderung wurde schnell zu Schock und leichtem Ärger. 
Nur einen Tag sind die Läden zu und wir alle werden verrückt. 
Wir haben Angst, nicht genug zu haben.
Wir machen uns Sorgen, dass wir nicht genau das haben, worauf wir morgen Lust haben, obwohl unsere Kühlschränke und Fächer voll sind mit Dosen, eingefrorenem und frischem Essen. 
Selbst wenn die Läden eine ganze Woche zu wären, würden wir noch bequem leben und jeden Tag eine Auswahl an Essen haben.

Wo kommt das also her – diese Angst, nicht genug zu haben?
Dieses Gefühl etwas zu brauchen, zu vermissen?
Es scheint, je mehr wir haben desto stärker ist diese Angst in uns verwurzelt.
Vielleicht fängt es mit Kleinigkeiten an, wie Essen, aber dann geht es weiter mit Geld, Klamotten, Freunden, Anerkennung, Liebe. Wir werden wohl niemals an den Punkt kommen, wo wir sagen können: Wir haben genug.

Aber das ist etwas, was ich etwas mehr lernen möchte. 
Nicht der Angst nachgeben, sondern meine aufgescheuchte Seele daran zu erinnern, dass es jemanden gibt, der jedes Bedürfnis stillen kann, der jeden Aspekt meines Lebens abdecken kann.
Mit ihm kann und wird mir nichts fehlen.

Noch in der Schlange kommt mir ein Lied in den Sinn. Es verpackt diese Ängste in gute Worte, aber schreibt auch über den, der alle Bedürftigen stillt.


“Von der Liebe meiner eigenen Bequemlichkeit

von der Angst, nicht genug zu haben

von einem Leben voller weltlicher Leidenschaften
befreie mich, Herr
Von dem Bedürfnis, verstanden werden zu müssen
von dem Wunsch, anerkannt zu werden
von der Angst, allein zu sein
befreie mich, Herr
Und mir wird nichts fehlen
wenn ich deine Güte erfahre, dann wird mir nichts fehlen”   (Audrey Assad. I Shall Not Want)



[Five Minute Friday] Close

I don’t find it easy to be close to people.
I meet new people at every place I go, and it takes a while to get to know some of them.
And it takes even longer to be close to even fewer of them.
It takes time, energy, and lots of perseverance.
And there is lots of failure. You cannot force someone to let you come close.
You cannot beam yourself close to someone else. So at times we might run against a wall.

It takes courage.
To try again, to ask questions.
To wait. To listen.
And to open up.
Getting close to someone else might start with allowing someone else to come close to me.
Just a tiny peek through the wall I so carefully built around myself.
Just a little glimpse into my heart.
How close do I want others to come?
Am I willing to let others see in me what I so want to see in them?

Let’s open our doors and hearts today, let others come close. And you’ll come closer to them.

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One prompt word. Write for five minutes flat. Connect with writers over at Lisa-Jo Baker!

Come, take a walk with me/ Komm, geh mit mir spazieren

A life lesson I am learning at the moment….

Another day of studying is over.
Time has gone by way too fast and it feels like I have done way too little.
My head is tired of skimming texts, trying to filter as much information as possible.
My body is exhausted from sitting at the desk all day.
My eyes hurt from staring at the computer screen for hours.
There is so much more to be done.

Come, take a walk with me.

Just a soft whisper, coming from deep inside of me.
Beckoning me to readjust my view.

Another day of worrying is over.
Answering emails from people asking me to help here and there, comment on this and that, and I wonder how I will fit all these things in without disappointing anyone.
Reading news from friends who are struggling with health problems, relationship trouble, life issues.
Getting a call from the family that my brother was in a car accident, and I am not sure how this will turn out.
My mind is tired from processing the masses of information and squeezing appointments into my already full calendar.
My heart is heavy because it cannot bear the immensity of sorrow and problems anymore.
My spirit cries out, Help!

Come, take a walk with me.

I stand up from the desk, shut down my laptop, leave my phone where it is.
I follow the whisper – away from work, away from the world that drains my energy.
I simply walk.

It’s a different world out there.
There’s a beauty in nature I have never seen before. Blossoms in various colors, shining so brightly.
Birds performing the song of their lives. Clouds as far as my eyes can see. A breath taking sunset in countless shades of yellow, orange, and red.

I can finally see.
See beyond my pile of work, beyond the mountain of sorrow and worries.

I can finally let go.
Tears flow, washing the weight of the day and the weight of my heart away.
Allowing me to fail and knowing I don’t have to meet every single expectation, I can just be.
Whatever I brought with me on this walk, I don’t have to take it back.
I can breathe and feel life – HIS life – revive my soul again.

I can finally hear.
The voice of God reminding me of HIS strength in my weakness.
Recalling promise after promise in my head. He is in charge and more than trustworthy.
Singing songs of love and joy over me.
Bringing peace to my troubled heart.
I can finally speak.
A quiet thought turns into a declaration of confidence.
A subtle grin turns into laughter.
Unstable steps turn into bold dance moves.
Thanks for whispering. Thanks for taking me on a walk.
May I keep on hearing YOUR whisper in my heart.
And most of all, may I have the courage to respond.

Etwas, das ich gerade lerne…

Wieder ist ein Tag voller Studieren vorbei.
Die Zeit verging viel zu schnell und ich denke, ich habe viel zu wenig getan.
Mein Kopf ist müde vom Texte durchkämmen und so viel wie möglich Informationen daraus zu filtern.
Mein Körper ist erschöpft, weil ich den ganzen Tag am Schreibtisch saß.
Meine Augen tun weh, weil ich stundenlang auf den Bildschirm gestarrt habe.
Es gibt noch so viel zu tun.

Komm, geh mit mir spazieren.

Nur ein leises Flüstern, es kommt tief aus meinem Inneren.
Es lädt mich ein, meinen Blick neu auszurichten.

Wieder ist ein Tag voller Sorgen vorbei.
Ich beantworte Emails von Leuten, die mich fragen, ob ich hier und da helfen kann, ob ich das und jenes kommentieren kann und ich frag mich, wie ich das alles unterkriegen soll, ohne jemanden zu enttäuschen.
Ich lese Nachrichten von Freunden, die mit ihrer Gesundheit kämpfen, Beziehungsprobleme oder einfach Lebenskämpfe haben.
Ich bekomme einen Anruf von der Familie, dass mein Bruder einen Autounfall hatte und ich weiß nicht, wie sich das entwickeln wird.
Mein Kopf ist müde, all diese Informationen zu verarbeiten und Termine in meinen eh schon vollen Kalender zu quetschen.
Mein Herz ist schwer, weil es die Immensität an Kummer und Problemen nicht mehr tragen kann.
Mein Geist ruft: Hilfe!

Komm, geh mit mit spazieren.

Ich stehe vom Schreibtisch auf, fahre den Laptop runter, lass mein Handy liegen.
Ich folge dem Flüstern – weg von der Arbeit, weg von der Welt, die mir die Energie nimmt.
Ich laufe einfach.

Hier draußen ist eine andere Welt.
Es gibt eine Schönheit in der Natur, die ich vorher nicht gesehen habe. Blüten in tausend Farben, sie scheinen so hell.
Vögel, die das Konzert ihres Lebens geben. Wolken so weit das Auge reicht. Ein atemberaubender Sonnenuntergang in unzähligen Gelb, Orange und Rottönen.

Ich kann endlich sehen.
Weiter sehen als der Berg an Arbeit oder der Kummer und die Sorgen.

Ich kann endlich loslassen.
Tränen fließen und waschen das Schwere des Tages und meines Herzens weg.
Ich darf Fehler machen und wissen, dass ich nicht alle Erwartungen erfüllen muss. Ich darf sein.
Was immer ich auf diesen Spaziergang mitgebracht habe, ich muss es nicht wieder mitnehmen.
Ich kann durchatmen und fühlen, wie Leben – SEIN Leben – meine Seele wiederbelebt.

Ich kann endlich hören.
Die Stimme Gottes, die mich an SEINE Stärke in meiner Schwachheit erinnert.
Die Zusage um Zusage in meinem Kopf wachruft. Er hat die Kontrolle und ist absolut vertrauenswert.
Die Lieder von Liebe und Freude über mir singt.
Die Friede in mein aufgewühltes Herz bringt. 

Ich kann endlich sprechen.
Ein leiser Gedanke wird zu einer selbstbewussten Erklärung.
Ein verstohlenes Grinsen wird zu lautem Lachen.
Unsichere Schritte werden zu mutigem Tanzen.

Danke, dass du flüsterst. Danke, dass du mit mir spazieren gehst.
Möge ich weiterhin auf DEIN Flüstern in meinem Herzen hören.
Und vor allem, möge ich den Mut haben zu antworten. 

[Five Minute Friday] Grateful

A friend once told me about this little ‘experiment’: Take a couple of beans and put them in your left pocket in the morning. Whenever you experience something to be grateful for throughout the day, put a bean in your right pocket. At the end of the day, empty the right pocket and count your beans. 

Count your blessings and be grateful for all these little things you could experience.

I must admit I have done this maybe twice, but way too often I forget about it. 
Not only to take the beans along, but also the kind of view I have on my day. 
What am I looking at? 
The pile of work in front of me? 
The many appointments in my calendar? 
The people who challenge me every day?
Or do I have time, energy and the right set of eyes to see the many little blessings in between? 
A comfortable bed I can rest in from the day.
The invention of sleep (that’s definitely a good one, God!).
The smell of coffee in the morning.
The sound of birds singing outside my window.
Meeting a friend unexpectedly in the bus and we encourage each other for the day quickly. 
The right song at the right time. 
The immensity of food in the grocery store, and the blessing/curse for me to choose what I want to eat today.
My family and friends around the world, who send their love via email, phone, text, or visit. 
Look around you. What do you see? 
Watch out for the little things, because those are the ones that hide the greatest blessings. 
Let’s count them and practice to be a little bit more grateful today. 
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I’m often grateful for the Internet because it gives me a chance to get in touch with so many of you, and I can share with fellow writers on Lisa-Jo Baker‘s Five Minute Friday! 

[Five Minute Friday] Mess

Imagine a glass or a porcelain cup.
Beautiful shape, maybe some carvings on the outside.
Smooth surface and precious material.
It’s really great to touch or use.

But something is missing.
There is no light in this cup.

If you’d put a candle in the glass you wouldn’t see much through the perfectly firm surface. No matter how beautiful the outside looks, it doesn’t reflect the inside.

Imagine this glass or cup falling off the table.
Shattering into thousands of little pieces.
Beauty spread across the floor, into corners, turned into dust.

But do you see the hand that gathers the pieces?
The eyes that carefully search for even the last piece, no matter how far it has fallen?
Do you feel the touch of the master who gently puts the pieces back together?

35979-img_5650

Look at the glass now.
Imagine the cup being pieced together again.
Its smooth surface is gone, its material looks roughened.
Its original beauty has been replaced by magnificent splendor, coming from the inside.
The light that has been kept inside for so long is now reflected and magnified through the cracks and bruises.

Through the hands of the master a mess can become a canvas to reflect something greater inside.
Do we allow the master to use OUR mess as a canvas to reflect HIS beauty?

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One word. Five minutes of writing. No editing. Sharing with a community of lovely writing fellows. That’s Five Minute Friday with Lisa-Jo Baker!

[Five Minute Friday] Friend

This week’s prompt comes in handy, since I’ve been meaning to write on this anyway.
This post goes out to the wonderful people who have been such a blessing to me in the last few months!  I hope that everyone has such friends or can be one to someone else.

The last few weeks, well actually months, have just been crazy.
Caught between writing my MA thesis, preparing for state board exams, organizing a Europe-wide youth congress, trying to keep up with my different lives all across the globe…life has just been a bit too much.

In times like these you find yourself asking the really tough questions.
You find yourself all alone and wonder if you have any friends at all. After years and years of pouring into and giving to friends – where are these people now? When you’re tired of giving, is there someone who gives to you?

I was between feelings of rage and anger towards friends who probably had no idea how I felt. I wanted people to show up and tell me they care. Tell me that they didn’t expect anything from me except ME.
But then again, I also just wanted to be alone since I didn’t want to burden anyone with my messy self. I felt too embarassed to let anyone into my apartment that looked like a construction site.

These last few week, well actually months, have taught me quite a bit about friends.
I had to let go of some old ties and expectations people would never fulfill.
Don’t chase the appreciation of the wrong people, while you might miss out on all the wonderful people along the way.

Cherish those precious little moments where a friend comes through for you.
When you’re allowed to speak your mind, without any make-up on, in your worst clothes (because you have no energy to do laundry).
When a friend is honest with you and tells you to seriously slow down. To escape from mind traps you’ve set for yourself about having to be busy 24-7.
When a friend doesn’t mind the chaos in your appartment, but comes over for dinner and a massage. When other friends cook for you and distract you with a night of laughter.
When someone doesn’t mind you tears of desperation, but simply comforts you with a hug.
When you can unite in prayers via skype and find comfort in the common bond in Christ, no matter how many miles might separate you.

Hey friend, thank you. Thanks for being you and for allowing me to be me.

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After a short Easter break, I am back on Five Minute Friday – go to Lisa-Jo Baker‘s page to read more encouraging stories!