Faith – Page 9

[#write31days] Day 20 “I Am Selfish”

Welcome to Day 20 of #write31days!
For more information check out the series’ page.
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As good and hard-working people and friends we obviously want to do our jobs well and be there for our friends. Our Christian faith commands us to love others – isn’t it egoistic to set boundaries then?

Lie #4: Setting Boundaries is unbiblical and selfish
If you talk to non-Christian friends around you what Christianity is all about they’ll probably give you one word: love. Probably one of the most overused and yet underrated words in your society, bashed in media and politics. “Those Christians” are supposed to love everyone.
If you go to church on Sunday or listen closely to sermons and Christian songs; if you browse Christian media you’ll find one slogan: We must love each other because we’ve been loved first. The brothers and sisters in our congregations, the people in our neighborhoods, the refugees flooding our countries – they all deserve our attention and help. In the Bible we can read to bear each other’s burdens, to love others like we love ourselves, so let’s do that.

These are the voices we hear around us. We’re supposed to love, care, and bear – so what if we want to set boundaries? How about that other voice saying “You can’t set boundaries. Saying NO is not biblical, it’s just a selfish move. You choose to care more about yourself than to love others.”
What do we do with these voices? Are the boundaries we set selfish and unbiblical?

I believe the Bible is true, love is the key.
Often underrated in its original form, it can truly make a difference. Love is the thing that can set us apart, that can turn lives around, that can shine light into the darkness.
I also believe that our love’s supposed to be practical. Let’s support each other by listening, helping out, spending time and effort on those in need. Acting out love speaks louder than our words.

But the same Bible that commands us to love also talks about protection.

Keep your heart with all vigilance,
for from it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 4:23

Taking care of others, loving them unconditionally, bearing their burdens is an act of life. A helping hand is life-giving to someone else. But we’re only able to share life with all its joys and hopes when we have enough life left to give.

Imagine a basin full of water, a reservoir to provide and nourish many. But just one small leak can turn it all around. The life-giving water is running out, and eventually the abundance that was once there is gone. An empty basin can support and help no one.
You’re a basin filled with with life and many good things. You’re supposed to give and love others. But you need to protect yourself from any leaks that could come from busyness, false beliefs, pushy and demanding people.
Closing yourself off once in a while is only selfish if you choose to remain in that comfort zone, if you hide the treasures you’ve been given to share.
Withdrawing into the safety of saying NO sometimes is a necessary step to protect and recharge the abundance inside of you. Well-nourished souls will always come back stronger, more alive and more passionate to share than those running on mere reserves.

Another trap is the word “care” in itself. What does it mean to care for someone else, to love someone else?
Yes, often it means getting your hands dirty, giving someone practical help. Yes, sometimes it means taking on more work than usual to give someone relief.
Taking care does not mean taking responsibility for everything and everyone. Caring too much will ultimately not help the other person, but keep them from maturing and acting responsibly themselves. Saying NO is therefore not an act of selfish egoism, but rather a step to teach others how to be responsible. One step at a time. One NO at a time.

Is the thought of selfishness familiar to you? Where do you give more than you’re actually able to? To which people do you have to say NO in order to teach them maturity?

[#write31days] Day 19 “I Don’t Want to Drive Others Away”

Welcome to Day 19 of #write31days!
For more information check out the series’ page.
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The problem with setting healthy boundaries, is not always connected to the work or the lack of rest – if we’re really honest and take a closer look at our heart we find a fear that drives us to never say no and just keep going.

Lie #3: My No will drive away friends, spouses, or colleagues
In the course of the last year I have practiced to say NO a bit more often.
NO to extra assignments and responsibilities.
NO to jumping on every band wagon and event.
NO to people wanting my help, my time, my effort, my creativity, my emotions.
This wasn’t an easy process.

One of the strongest forces holding me back from setting boundaries was that voice inside of me, telling me:
“If you say NO now, people won’t like you anymore.
If you no longer invest in this friendship it’ll break apart and friends will turn their backs on you.
If you cut back on your time in church, at work or other ministries, no one will ever ask you for a leadership role ever again. They’ll find people better than you and you can’t return in the future.”

Thoughts like this kept me going for a long time, but the last year has taught me that I couldn’t just go on. So I had to take a step back and dig deeper. Why did I allow these lies settle in my heart and mind?

Behind the concern for a project or other people lies fear.
Fear to be rejected by others because I can’t give anything at the moment.
Fear to be replaced by other skilled people and losing a place of passion and influence.
Fear to be abandoned by friends when you need them the most ebcause you’re at the receiving end of a friendship for once.

And underneath is an even deeper fear.
Fear of losing my identity, the definition of who I am.

The reason why I fear rejection, replacement, and abandonment is definition gone wrong. A certain position in a ministry, a place and work I’m good at tell me who I am. I can’t deny that it’s flattering to receive compliments for my work at x or my talent in y. It feels encouraging and uplifting to be good at something. We all need a bit of appreciation once in a while, but if we don’t pay attention – if we don’t set good boundaries – the chase for appreciation will define and drive us to a wrong end.
A certain intimacy and dependency are a necessary foundation for any relationship. It requires effort, initiative, and investment. Things we’re willing to give and receive for people we love and care about. Ultimately, however, no matter how close a bond is – these people don’t define who we are. And nothing we do (or don’t do) should change our status in this relationship. Or as my friend Liz once said:

We are human beings, not human doings.

This is not to say that life can be rough and relationships can look like abattlefield. And yes, sometimes friendships break apart and we’re left alone.
But who we are deep down inside, away from anyone else, has been defined a long time before you ever had any human contact.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. Psalm 139:13-16

When we hear this voice inside us trying to hold us back from setting boundaries, we need to look deeper.
We need to examine and ask ourselves: What is the real fear behind it? Who or what do I allow to define who I am?

God is a good person to talk to, he is our creator and knows who he made us to be. So let’s be brave and face our fears, admit where our definition has gone wrong. And then allow His truth to illuminate our darkness and replace the lies buried inside of us.

Who or what defines you? Where have definitions gone wrong and you need to address deeper fears?
Take some time to ponder these questions together with God.

[#write31days] Day 14 Biblical Boundaries

Welcome to Day 14 of #write31days!
For more information check out the series’ page.
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We have talked about boundaries found in nature and in ourselves, but there’s one more source to look for boundary foundations: the Bible speaks a lot about freedom and grace and love for each other – this does not exclude boundaries, however. It actually recommends them.

God and Boundaries
Something that many people really have a hard time wrapping their mind around is God as trinity: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. They are one, and yet they are three. Each of them has unique characteristics and features. The Father as creator and provider. The Son as savior and friend. The Spirit as counselor and encourager. They are all one, and yet there are clear boundaries. Weird concept, I know, but it shows that boundaries are not unfamilar in the spiritual realm.

In fact, God himself has set boundaries in nature. We find it in the creation stories and verses such as these:

Do you not fear me? declares the Lord. Do you not tremble before me? I placed the sand as the boundary for the sea, a perpetual barrier that it cannot pass; though the waves toss, they cannot prevail; though they roar, they cannot pass over it. Jeremiah 5:22

He has inscribed a circle on the face of the waters at the boundary between light and darkness. Job 26:10

We need boundaries in nature, otherwise we would constantly live in darkness (and who wouldn’t want to have these breathtaking sunrises and sunsets!). The land we live on would be swamp and our houses would sit on very shaky ground.
Certain boundaries secure and enable a safe life.

Whenever God sets boundaries he has good intentions for this place. A set apart place is where inheritance falls and prospers.

Thus says the Lord God: “This is the boundary by which you shall divide the land for inheritance among the twelve tribes of Israel. Ezekiel 47:13

The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. Psalm 16:6

We will only see inheritance prosper if we set good boundaries. Not to close others off, but to protect our treasures. The treasures God has given us as our inheritance.

Take Care
We often consider ‘inheritance’ a physical thing – a piece of land, money etc. But especially the New Testament uses ‘inheritance’ in a different context. We as believers are promised eternal life with Christ, and parts of it are available now. Life with Christ is a life of abundance, of peace, of joy.
Faith is a gift, new abundant life is a gift. But we still need to use all our awareness and effort to protect it. Take care of that new life that’s been planted inside you.

Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. Proverbs 4:23

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7

Taking care of our hearts, guarding our minds is not just an option – the bible tells us it’s essential. Keeping the life – the abundance – alive in us will revive everything else; letting it flow out will eventually dry up our strength, our energy, our motivation, our joy, our sense of self.

Take (No) Responsibility
This might sound awfully selfish in some people’s ears – isn’t the main message of Christianity to love others?
Yes, we have been loved from the very beginning, through all our failures, and until the very end. Because of this love we’re called to love others, especially when it’s hard. How does that look like in practice?

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2

We can show love very practically by carrying each other. Being there for each other, listening to someone’s stories. Crying with the sad, celebrating with the happy. Lifting each other up in prayer when you’re too weak to pray.
We can help each other out, cooking dinner when someone’s busy working. Moving boxes all around town when you have to change houses. Driving cross-country because someone just needs a friend.
We can only make it all the way if we walk together.

Yet, only three verses later Paul says this:

For each will have to bear his own load. Galatians 6:5

Carrying each other doesn’t mean to simply drop off all our cares with someone else. I can’t just let go because someone else will do everything for me. I can’t take all the blame because a friend refuses to take responsibility for him/herself.
Growing up ultimately is about taking responsibility for yourself and forcing others to do the same. Finding the balance between persevering to the end and allowing others to help might be one of the hardest exercises in the course of life.

Take some time to re-read these pieces of scripture in their contexts. Thank God for setting boundaries in nature and in your life. Allow him to show you where you still need to take care and responsibility of yourself and less of others.

[Five Minute Friday] Doubt

I must confess I doubt. A lot.
It seems that doubt is normally associated with negative terms, something you’re not supposed to do, especially as a Christian.
And yet I doubt. I ask questions. I wonder.
I doubt that the day will be sunny when the morning looks really dark and cloudy.
I doubt that a friendship will get back on track.
I doubt people’s genuineness sometimes.
I doubt my own abilities when tasks just seem too demanding and overwhelming.
I doubt that dire situations will ever come to an end.
I see friends and family struggle, yes even battle with life, and all I can ask is Why?
I wonder about things going on in this world – war, loss, flight, hunger, poverty – and I can’t help but doubt that there is a good, big plan behind it.
I doubt if all of this will work out in the end.

I guess we all carry doubts with us.
These unanswered questions lingering in the back of our minds, creeping up once in a while.

I think it’s okay to doubt.
We grow when we wonder, when we ask questions.
When we don’t just accept things as given, but always strive to go deeper.

In the end its all about what we do with our doubts.
If we just settle in the status quo of unanswered questions or if we take action.
If we take our questions and doubts somewhere.
To someone.
The realist says, “I doubt this will work so I won’t attempt it.”
The fideist says,”I have doubts, yes. But I also have faith in someone bigger and stronger, and more omniscient than I could ever be. Someone who says ‘with me nothing is impossible’. So let’s try.”

What are some of your doubts and what do you do with them?

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It’s Friday and I am writing with many other writers over at Five Minute Friday. Come and join us?

[Five Minute Friday] Celebrate

It is Friday. Finally. This has definitely been a long week.

A week of firsts.

The first time I walked into a room of students and introduced myself as their teacher. Not the intern, the teacher.

The first time I made my own rules and people actually listened.

The first time I walked out of a bad lesson and had no other teacher to blame but me.

One day was particularly frustrating and I carried that negative undertone with me all day. What had happened? Nothing much actually, but I had allowed minor things or the minority of a really good class to get to me.

It’s so easy to let one dark spot overshadow the bright whole, isn’t it?

And yet it’s so human.

We tend to look for mistakes instead of success.

We tend to linger on our weaknesses instead of maximizing our strengths.

We tend to complain about our lack instead of enjoying the abundance we already live in. We tend to mourn instead of celebrating.

Over the last year I’ve gone back again and again to a song called “The Art of Celebration”.

It really is an art.

To celebrate no matter the circumstances.

And I am not talking about making merry and singing cheerful songs when all you want to do is cry. I am talking about singing after all, no matter how feeble the sound.

Your voice might quiver and break, but you keep on singing.

Your eyes might tear up, but you keep on looking out for the little blessings all around you. The good potential in everyone that sometimes takes a bit more time to uncover.

The energy and strength that comes from simple activities like a restful Sunday, a cup of good coffee, a few pages of a good book, a chat with a friend.

The belief that the sun is still there even though you can’t see it through the thick dark clouds.

Celebration is an art. Let’s practice it a bit more every day.

Celebrating with writing friends at Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Same

Last week I was in Lisbon.
We walked up the old cobblestone streets and marvelled at the view over this old and colorful city. We enjoyed good food and great company. We explored a bit more of Lisbon’s rich history.

One day we spent at a monastery and its church.
As I was sitting in a bench enjoying the quiet peaceful atmosphere I noticed a girl. She walked through the room quite fast, her view fixed forward.
In her hand she held a phone which she pointed at the statues and the decor around her. The red ‘record’ button shone brightly in the dimly light nave.
She was there, in this beautiful old building, but yet she wasn’t.
She looked at architecture and painted windows, and yet she didn’t.
She rushed by as if everything was the same.
Instead of taking in the details, instead of collecting impressions she collected a quick recording, a mere snapshot on a phone which will never, ever match reality.

As I saw this girl racing by with her phone on record and no time to take in the real beauty in front of her, I had to think.
Don’t we sometimes have the same attitude?
We visit a new city and try to document as much as possible.
Every meal, every moment of happiness must be instagrammed before we might enjoy it.
We meet up with friends for coffee, but often we’re both on a run, so fellowship better happen fast.
We gather for church on Sundays, but the service can’t take more than two hours because everyone wants to get home for lunch on time.
We are here, in this life, and yet we are not. We rush by as if everything was the same.

Let’s break out of this ‘same’ box.
Let’s step down from the treadmill this life often has us on and actually…live.
Let’s not put an end to a coffee date, just enjoy the time you have. Focus on the details, discover that your friend will never be the same like someone else.
Let’s travel and not be rushed. Cross off a few sights on your list and rather watch a city’s people. Learn a building’s history and take in the beauty which is often hidden in small things. Decide to not take pictures with your camera, but with your heart.
Let’s enjoy Sundays again and experience what happens when we truly wait for the Lord.
Let’s be here.
Let’s collect moments, not things.

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Linking up with Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Yes

Yesterday a picture went viral.
A police officer carrying the dead body of little boy out of the Mediterrenean sea in Turkey. The boy had tried to flee across the sea and had drowned in a boat that’s been way too small and way too old for such a precious load.
This is not the first incident, it’s just the peek of inhumanity in a series of terrible events going on in Europe at the moment. People trying to enter our countries, and all they hear is NO.
NO to a place to stay.
NO to something to eat.
NO to transport.
NO to a job.
NO to them as people, as human beings who have something to offer to this world and community.
The daily news of burned down refugee homes, aggressive demonstrations and the most horrible posts on social media make it hard to believe in a bright future, in something better to come.
There’s just NO and uncertainty.

But in all that darkness, in the midst of desperation, there’s a YES.
A YES that resounds from the beginning of time when it was first spoken.
The YES that the One God uttered and then made people.
YES to create fragile, tempted, vulnerable, often horrible, hurting human beings.
YES to beloved children who make a lot of mistakes and are more lost than they would ever know, yet are also more saved than they will ever dare to hope.

His YES starts ringing like a whisper in our hearts, gaining strength until it fills our entire being.
He said YES to us. And His YES can give us the courage, faith, and strength to say YES to others.
YES to welcoming people into our countries.
YES to opening our doors to them.
YES to listening to their stories, holding their hands when they’re shaking with fear.
YES to giving away food, housing, any kind of support.
YES to mirroring Jesus in places of despair and uncertainty.
Let there be YES and a bit more hope in this broken, broken world.

If you’re as disgusted and compelled as me by the happenings in Europe at the moment, please check out more resources. And pray, if that’s all you can do.

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Writing for Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Find

People who know me would probably agree that I am a patient person.
Someone who can wait.
But there are exceptions.
When it comes to finding something I can be really impatient. Like a small child that is supposed to find a toy in its mess of a room. I look once and don’t find it, “See? I looked and I didn’t find anything.” And then I sulk.
I become impatient.
At the toy that’s not there. At the world for no obvious reason. At myself.

The Bible also talks about seeking in the famous verse:

Seek and KEEP ON SEEKING and you will find.

See, I guess I am not so good with that second part.
I seek and I often don’t find.
Because I don’t keep on seeking.
I don’t have the courage and patience to go after something again and again. And probably again the next day.

Not finding means missing out on some of the great things in life.
The beauty of nature in unexpected places because we walk around with our eyes closed.
Depth in friendships because we don’t keep on investing in someone.
The strength and courage in ourselves which will only grow if we take on a challenge.
The Lord’s peace that only comes when we stay close to Him.
The gift of His presence we often don’t detect in the hectic of every day life.
We will find things we never set out to seek in the first place – let’s be more adventurous and patient to find them!

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Writing with many others over at Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Learn

A few weeks into my teacher training I heard it for the first time. “You’re such a nerd!”
It brought back memories for me. Memories of high school when I was called the same way, especially during exam seasons.
And surprisingly, it was never meant in the negative way.

I’m a nerd. I like to learn.
It’s fascinating to read about other cultures, other people’s views on things, delicious food recipes.
I like to take everything in and compare my own ideas with it.
I enjoy digging deeper into the bible, looking at historical backgrounds and its influences on the parables.
I sometimes look up greek words and their meanings which sometimes turn my whole understanding around.
I like sermons that don’t stay on the ‘feelings’ level.

But I guess I am also a ‘people nerd’.
More than I want facts and knowledge, I want relationship.
Connection.
I want to get to know someone on a deeper level.
I really struggle to walk away from a conversation with only knowledge or objective facts.
I want something personal because we have just made a connection.

This requires effort, the right questions and the courage to ask them.
It requires honesty and the bravery to give away something of yourself.
And it requires a lot (yes, a lot!) of time and investment.
But it’s worth it, trust me.
In the end, in times of need, knowledge can only get you so far – but friends will take the long walk with you.

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Linking up with Five Minute Friday today.

[Five Minute Friday] Here

One of the ‘perks’ of being a missionary kid is the travel during furlough.
Well, ‘perks’ in this case might be ironic because it’s not really fun, especially not as a kid.
You travel from church to youth group to ladies’ breakfast to small group meeting and talk about your work as a missionary in some remote place. And the kids are shown around like a trophy or support the ‘performance’ with a funny story.
Tons of people look at you and talk to you as if they were your best friends. They know so much about you, you don’t even remember their names.

And all of them are very, very excited about what God is doing in Africa.
Because that’s what missions is all about, right?
Going to a foreign country to share the gospel.

I think this is the first things that comes to a lot of people’s minds when they hear missions.
It’s not here, it’s somewhere out there.
It’s with people of a different country, language, faith.
So you either have to pack your bags and go, or you make sure you support a few missionaries while you earn your money at home.

It has been six years since I came home from South Africa.
Six years without being a missionary kid or missionary myself.
But does that mean I have not done missions?

We’re not all called to go to different countries, but we are all called to be witnesses.
To share the gospel with our lives.
With our weaknesses and failures.
With our successes and joys.
We are called to stand beside those who are alone.
Walk with those who struggle along the way.
Listen to those who have no one to talk to.
Bless someone in small ways.

We can all do missions right here and right now.
Why?
Because it is not our job to save the world.
We are called to see.
See what the Lord is already doing and join him in His mission.
Then missionary stories and excitement will no longer just be other people’s stories, they will be our lives.

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Linking up with Five Minute Friday today. Congrats to Kate Motaung for one year of hosting!