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[Five Minute Friday] Long

It’s another Friday, so I am linking up with the writer community at Kate Motaung‘s place.

This post is part 17 of the series “31 Days in the Life of a TCK”.

Come join the whole conversation here. Don’t forget to subscribe!

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“Africa? You’re going to Africa? This is so far away! It’s desert there, lots of dangerous animals, and only poor people!”

I remember my grandma saying things like that when we first told her we would be moving South. She came from a little village and hadn’t gone further than the European boarders, so she was terrified. Terrified to lose her children and grandchildren to heat, sickness, or lions.

She was terrified because she didn’t know. Africa was a long way for her.

But we went. All the long 8000 km to beautiful Uganda.

In these two years we had maybe 3 phone conversations (it was before the highspeed internet and smartphone age) with us walking around in the garden to get reception and screaming: “You there? Can you hear me? Merry Christmas, Grandma!” and the signal broke off.

Uganda is a long way.

Fortunately, we had a visitor one day who brought a video camera, so we shot a film for grandma, showing her everything in this new home of ours. The way we lived, the GREEN grass (Uganda is close to the equator and pretty green in rain season), the people we had come to love.

The next letter we got from her was very different. “Now I know where you are. Now I can be at peace. Africa is not as different as I thought.”

Suddenly, Uganda isn’t such a long way after all.

Long distances can become very small if we know how to bridge them well.

I am not saying the kilometers magically disappear.

And trust me, as soon as I hang up on a skype conversation I feel the distance more than ever before.

But thank God for so many ways to make the long distances come closer to us.

To allow the world to reach us where we are.

Having the world close to us can have its challenges as well – stay tuned for this part tomorrow!

How did/do you experience distances in your life? Any funny stories to tell?

[31 Days] Day 16 Life

It’s Day 16 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here. Don’t forget to subscribe!

Today I am very excited to have Katrin Dubach as a guest. We met while working for the European Youth Congress Mission-Net and got along right away (seems to be a TCK thing J). She writes beautiful poetry, and today she shares a bit of her story and a wonderful piece of her work on TCK life.

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I was excited to start my gap year and I knew it was time for my high school years to end. And yet I was scared and sad.

I was at the airport saying goodbye to them for the last time after our class trip and everyone was telling me that of course we’d see each other again and I didn’t have to cry.

I was really glad I cried, I wanted to cry because for me it was like saying, “I loved this time we had together and I’m going to miss it.”

I’ve said many goodbyes in my life.

I grew up in Mongolia as a missionary kid and went to an international school.

In international communities, saying goodbye is so much a part of our lives.

Relationships are never expected to last for forever, just for their season.

I went to boarding school in Singapore when I was 10 and then with 14 I said goodbye to Asia for good and moved to my passport country Switzerland, where I’ve been living for 5 years now.

At one point in those weeks of change from school to something new in my gap year, I stopped and prayed.

“God I don’t know if I can do this, I don’t know if I have the energy for this life. Saying goodbye so many times, finding new friends so many times, I don’t know if I can take the pain of losing more people close to me.”

God answered me by showing the beauty of this life I’m leading.

The beauty of cherishing the days we’ve been given and the people placed around us.

I came to a point where I knew for myself: I want to live this life fully, to let myself feel life because the joys of life are so worth it, and in God’s strength the pain is bearable.

The Constant

I’m ready to start this life adventure
To let people in,
To hurt, to bleed
Radiant faces of long-lost friends
Tears falling at every goodbye
Memories stored and saved on the way
A portable album of good and of bad
Laughter and hope, joyful tears
Blessings in an immeasurable dimension

Through the tossing and turning
Through up and through down
Next to new and old
Above fear and excitemen
You stand as constant
And it’s Your hand I’ll take,
For this life adventure

[31 Days] Day 15 Away

It’s Day 15 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here. Don’t forget to subscribe!

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Do you have good friends?
The ones you can call in the middle of the night?
The ones you can walk over to for a spontaneous chat?
The ones you can be quiet around and still be understood?
The ones who make you laugh?
The ones who know things about you you’re not when aware of yourself because they grew up with you?
The ones who help you in the small and big crises life can bring?

I hope that we all have at least one friend like that.
You might be able to just walk over to your friend or call at no cost.

Well, TCK friendships are often a bit harder.
We travel a lot and friendships normally have an expiry date.
Far too soon you or the other person mögt away and friendship has to be redefined.

Quite often I discover a desire inside of me to be near my friends.
But where are they?
I don’t always have money to fly around the world and attend a friends wedding.
I first have to think about time difference before I call a friend to tell her good news. When I need a shoulder to lean on, a distant face on a computer screen just isn’t the real deal.

Friendships change so quickly.
As the quote says I sometimes feel like my part is ripped into pieces; everywhere I plant myself I leave a piece of my heart behind with beloved people.
And the more I move the more I yearn for these pieces far away.

But it works.
It’s still worth it planting myself in new places and discovering wonderful new friends. And the scarce time I get to spend with dear friends virtually is still a blessing.
Especially since we know that far away won’t last forever.
One day we will all be together and our hearts will be whole again.

How do you live friendships with people far away?

[31 Days] Day 14 Work

It’s Day 14 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here. Don’t forget to subscribe!

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We finally found it.
The one we can blame everything on.
Our feeling lost in the world.
Our in between states.
Our pain of saying goodbye all the time.

It has different names but it is the one got us to move abroad and become world citizens.
The work of our parents.
It might be called church, the government, the military, or a Christian organization.

I have talked to quite a few TCKs and we seem to have an ambiguous relationship to our parents’ work.
Some are thankful because that’s what got them into this lifestyle in the first place.
But far more hate it.

They feel trapped in a system identity and feel like they don’t even exist outside the missions/military/foreigner bubble.

They start hating their parents and their work.
And maybe also the one who they make responsible for it, like other people or God.
Yup, there are downsides to this life and things to consider for everyone involved.

What were/are your experiences with your parents’ work?

[31 Days] Day 13 Fear

It’s Day 13 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! We are slowly moving deeper in the topic and looking into some issues TCKs might struggle with.
Today another TCK friend Daniel Vedder is sharing his thoughts. Daniel grew up in Congo DR, Zambia and Germany. After finishing his schooling in Germany, he is currently doing a gap year back at his old school in Zambia.
You can find more info on the series here. Don’t forget to subscribe!

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Fear.

Everybody knows what it is, everybody has encountered it at some point.

There are many different types of fear.

Fear of snakes, fear of the dark, fear of death.

And then there is the fear of the unknown.

I think this is one particular fear that most TCKs can relate to.

I remember it only too well myself, returning to my passport country of Germany three years ago, after a childhood spent almost exclusively in Africa.

I vividly recall stepping out of the airport and seeing the lights of the city of Frankfurt light up the night sky.

And suddenly I felt fear – fear of what lay ahead, of the society that I would have to adapt to, but most of all simply a fear of the great unknown surrounding me.

And then again some weeks later, on the first day of school.

After my small mission school of 100 pupils I was terrified as I walked into the new school, a huge maze of corridors and classrooms filled with a jostling throng of over a thousand students.

These fears are only too common.

New, unknown situations can be frightening – and as TCKs, we experience them all the time.

But there is comfort.

I remember that morning, on the first day of school, I stumbled upon the following verses in my devotions:

“But you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham, my friend; you whom I took from the ends of the earth and called from its farthest corners, saying to you: ‘You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off’; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

(Isaiah 41:8-10, ESV)

Did/do you experience fear of the unknown ahead of you?

How did/do you deal with it?

[31 Days] Day 12 Adjust

It’s Day 12 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here.

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I knew this day had to come eventually, but I still wasn’t ready for it.
No matter how much you prepare, it still hits you out of the blue.
Culture shock.

The first months in South Africa were full of adventures.
Every day I met new people, enjoyed driving on the left side, all the delicious food, or having late night conversations with my housemates.
We had made us a home in this little wooden house, and all being away from loved ones around the globe we had become a family.

And then they all left.
Some went back home ay the end of their terms, other were reassigned to another base. Within two weeks our little community changed and I was by myself.
And hit by a wave of culture shock, homesickness, and anger.
Out of a sudden I resented everything.

photo credit: Ruth van Reken

In the transition process there are several stages and we need to go through all of them. There’s no recipe how long it will take, but we sure can’t skip one stage.
There is a time of excitement, newness, enjoyment.
But after an initial honeymoon phase we hit the rock bottom of reality and suddenly feel overwhelmed by culture, people, everything.
It’s definitely the toughest phase, and yet we need to live through it to get to re-adjustment and realizing that there’s life there after all.

The key word is transition PROCESS, and as hard as living through it often is we hopefully will experience the depth that comes with it.

How did you live through transition – what was particularly hard and what helped you?

[31 Days] Day 11 Wake

It’s Day 11 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here.

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Nights at the beginning of rain season were the best.
I lay awake breathing quietly.
Waiting.
Listening to the soothing sound of crickets in the dark.
Sometimes a gecko would come along,too.
And then it came.
There it was.
Soft and quiet at first.
The first rain after many months of drought, empty water tanks and yellow grass.
That sound of rain drops on the iron sheet roof was like music in my ears.
And even as the rain got stronger and was beating hard I felt safe and cozy.

I still enjoy the sound of rain.
Even though my roof now is made of bricks and doesn’t make the drops resound like drums.
But I also wake sometimes and remember friends in Uganda who live in huts with straw roofs and for whom every rain could entail the danger that their house might be washed away.

I still wrap my blankets closer around me and lay awake at night.

Rain is still nightly music to my ears and a reminder that the Lord takes care of us after dry reasons with his perfect rain of blessings.

Any other African TCKs around who share this experience?

[Five Minute Friday] Care

It’s another Friday, so I am linking up with the writer community at Kate Motaung‘s place.
This post is part 10 of the series “31 Days in the Life of a TCK”.
Come join the whole conversation here. Don’t forget to subscribe!
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When we arrived in Uganda we were the only white family in the village.
But this did not matter because we quickly grew into a new unique family with the people around us.

There were many neighbors around who came by to check out the Mzungus or to play ball.
We always had tea and cake ready cause no day went by without spontaneous visitors.
The village became a caring community.

But also the people on the same compound were our family.
One lady taught me how to play guitar since the only key instrument in the entire village was a very out of tune church organ.
Another lady explained Latin syntax to me since I had been convinced that I had to learn Latin in homeschool. Yes, it was a pain but I have a – let’s say unique – relationship to this subject.
These people, no matter the skin color, were our family.
They took on roles of far away relatives and told us bedtime stories, they challenged us, they sometimes annoyed us.
But they took care of us and made us a home away from home.

Whenever I moved I found this to be true.
As soon as you step outside your comfort zone you’re out there.
Away from home. And it is hard.
But if you keep your eyes open you’ll find a new home.
A community of fellow adventurers in South Africa.
A group of students in Germany.
A bunch of internationals living the American Dream.
You will find people who care for you if you allow yourself to open up and let them care for you. Away from comfort and familiarity you will find a surprising comfort in people you never suspected.

Do you have people who take care of you where you are at the moment?
And where can you be a person taking care of someone else?

[31 Days] Day 9 Honor

It’s Day 9 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here.

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There are moments when I would really like to be a chameleon.

Moments when I don’t want to be white, where black would be so much more convenient.

Where I could just blend in and be treated like everyone else.

I remember that one time in Uganda when we were invited to a wedding.

Basically, the whole village is invited to the wedding and the party has like 500 people.

We were the only ones with an oven in town, so we made the wedding cake. It was several layers high, so that everyone got at least a tiny little bit of it.

The funny thing was that we didn’t even know the couple.

We brought the cake and then hoped we could just find a seat somewhere in the back to watch the ceremony.

Well, we were wrong.

As soon as the father of the bride spotted a bit of white skin in the sea of black faces, he ran up to us and beckoned us to come in front.

No excuse was good enough, we had to come and sit in front.

In the very front.

With the bridal couple we had never met before.

They were so honored to have us there, to have the white missionaries attend their wedding and bring a cake full of sugary sweetness.

They honored us by seating us in front, expressing their joy and cultural traditions with this gesture.

I can’t deny my skin color and it might take a long time until they would treat me like one of them.

But a first step might be for me to honor the traditions they had just opened up for me. And more importantly, honor the people behind them.

What are some of the things you had to learn and honor in a new culture? What do you appreciate most about it?

[31 Days] Day 8 Say

It’s Day 8 of the 31 Days in the Life of a TCK series! Welcome! You can find more info on the series here.

Today, someone else has a say on the blog. I am happy to introduce Johann Dürr to you, who I met at one of our TCK camps. He’s a TCK who grew up in Kazachstan and now is in Germany for his apprenticeship. I hope you enjoy his powerful words!

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My brown eyes betray nothing

My average height (2,04m), my standard clothing –

Why you can’t help but think

I’m one of you

“Hello, how are you?” You say

“Hi, I’m fine.”

The culturally appropriate answer exits me effortlessly.

The conversation ensues

We both play along,

Content in the safe zone of small talk.

Then you ask

“Where are you from? I haven’t seen you around here before.”

I fake a smile and shift my weight,

Ever so slightly

I search your eyes

For only a second

And wonder

Do you really want to know?

I want to tell you everything,

But Experience has taught me

That in all likelihood

I will not fit in your box.

You see, by the age of 17

I’d lived in 5 countries.

My mom and dad

Raised me primarily in Kasachstan

Until I turned 13.

Then we moved to Germany for one year,

where the first time in my life

I was in a real school.

(before and after that only Homeschool)

After that we moved back to Central Asia…

At 18 I rented and ran

My first apartment

In Germany.

You see, by the age of 18

I’ve been to at least 17 countries

(Airports don’t count)

And moved 6 times.

You see, I’m from nowhere

Yet all the places I’ve been,

Cultures I’ve experienced,

And relationships I’ve built

Have made me into who I am today.

You see, I’m at peace, finally.

I’ve given up the baffling concept of

an earthly home

For the assurance of a Heavenly one

That awaits me.

But the thing is, you don’t see.

Your box is your worldview,

Your cultural understanding that comes

From the single perspective you were raised in.

I want to help you see,

Help you break through the confines

Of your box

But I know it takes time.

So for now I say only

“I live in Stuttgart, Germany.”

And at this moment

That is the truth.

adapted from the original by Breanna Thomas (the MK book)